“We must warn you that the images you are about to see are disturbing.” This is heard almost every day on the news as broadcasters talk about the wars in Gaza and Ukraine. It's essential to guide children through the disturbing images and stories that dominate headlines.
The images are disturbing, and so are the stories: stories of death and destruction, stories of a terrorist group going on a brutal attack, killing and kidnapping, or stories of Russia invading its neighbor.
“It is devastating. People are losing their lives, and some people don’t have places to go,” said Veronica Trinidad, 14, a student at Aubrey Rogers High School in Naples.
Then there also is all of the misinformation. A national survey of Generation Z teenagers showed that 52% of teens get daily news from social media. Images of war fill their screens as they scroll through an avalanche of information. Another study by the Anti-Defamation League showed up to 70% of participants reported seeing misinformation on social media.
This can make it confusing and scary for children and teenagers.
Collier County mom Jamye McIntyre, who is Jewish, makes a point of helping her twin 14-year-old boys understand what is going on in the world and feel safe amidst the violence.
“We are very upfront,” said McIntyre. “I try not to hide things from them because they are going to hear about it. I would rather they get my accurate version than what they hear at school. They know what is going on,” McIntyre said. “They see what is on the news.”
Her sons, who did not want their names to be used, agree that they are very aware of the violence. “A lot of people have died, and it is a major problem,” one said. “It is getting out of hand, [with] the protests and the violence,” his twin added.
At Aubrey Rogers High School, students in the AICE General Paper class watch CNN10 almost daily and discuss the issues.
“We are learning about how Israel is fighting in the Gaza Strip, and people are having to evacuate and hospitals are getting blown up,” Veronica said. “We heard a kid got his head blown off. I didn’t want to see that. It’s bad.”
Like Larry Olmedo, 16, other students get most of their news from TikTok.
“I am seeing videos of explosions and villages getting destroyed and families being torn apart,” Larry said. “Before we saw how the Ukraine army was outnumbered by the Russians, and we thought the Ukrainians would lose the war. I just hope it gets resolved.”
Educational Approaches and Managing Exposure
Maria Ellis, mental health coordinator for Collier County Public Schools, agrees that making children feel safe while also understanding what is happening is important.
What details parents should discuss with their children depends on the child’s age and personality. Ellis suggests watching a child’s reactions and monitoring anxiety levels.
“For the younger kids, avoid having any kind of conversation about war before bedtime,” she stressed. “Give them some time to process it before their little brains go into dream mode. With the younger kids, let their questions guide you. Our goal is to separate the real from the imagined fear. When providing facts to the younger kids, they should be brief and factual. Always validate their feelings.”
Ellis said with younger children, the focus should be on reassuring them that they are safe.
“Highlight the people that are trying to help, the people that are doing the right things,” she explained.
The discussions are different with middle and high school students.
“With the older kids, it will be more complex and involved,” Ellis said.
“More mature kids might focus on the politics surrounding the war. It is really important in this type of situation to limit the exposure. It can make it feel like it is unsafe everywhere.”
Rick Duggan, executive director of exceptional education and student support services for CCPS, agreed that monitoring and controlling the amount of exposure is important.
“Some people have MSNBC or Fox News just running in the background all day, and that is probably not the best idea,” he said.
Understanding and Supporting Children of Different Ages
Rabbi Ariel Boxman, director of lifelong learning at Temple Shalom in Naples and director of Temple Shalom Preschool, believes that with little children, the best action is to avoid the terrors of war.
“It just doesn’t fit into their world,” she said. “We are suggesting they avoid it as much as they can.”
With little ones, that can be as simple as not having the news on and not talking about it when children are present. But Boxman knows that is not always possible, especially with older children and teens.
“They are not going to be able to shield their kids,” she added.
Boxman believes that the older students attending Temple Shalom’s religious school understand that there is a war in Israel and that there is a terrorist group that began the conflict and is perpetuating it. “We explained that Israel is simply defending herself and working tirelessly to retrieve the hostages. We were careful not to discuss the torture, rape, or mutilation,” she points out.
“The message I am sharing with them is that what happened on October 7th is from a terrorist group, not from the Palestinians. Reinforce that there are many good people, and [the terrorists are] people who have a lot of hate in their hearts,” Boxman explained.
She said Temple Shalom messaged their families that they refrain from using TikTok. “It is ideal to avoid it completely, but when a child comes across it, it has to be addressed,” Boxman noted.
She also stressed the importance of allowing children to discuss what is happening in the war openly. “Let the children share what they are feeling, what they saw. Just let them speak. What we might think they are feeling might not be what they are feeling.” Boxman said.
Personal Stories
Photo provided by Rabbi Ariel Boxman
Asher Saida taking supplies to Israel
Because they have family in Israel, Rabbi Boxman has to carefully guide her children as well. “We explained that there were some people in Israel who made the choice to use violence rather than use their words. By doing so, a lot of people got hurt, and so many people are sad.”
In November, Boxman’s husband, Asher Saida, took 19 duffel bags of requested supplies gathered by the Naples Jewish community to his home country. “When Asher left for Israel, we told [our children] that he was going to help protect the people of Israel and teach the importance of using words to get what we want, rather than violence.”
Temple Shalom’s Rabbi Adam Miller also traveled to Israel in November. Miller’s wife, Jennifer Siegal-Miller, said her children were nervous about the trip. “We told the boys that he was going and that he was going to be safe and that he was going to visit people who were mourning and injured,” Siegal-Miller said. “We explained that it’s what Jewish people do when somebody is hurt and lonely and sad: we go, and we are with them.”