woman running on beach
As we head into summer, many of us moms (me included) start to see personal time fading off into the distance and traded for later bedtimes, longer mornings and more time planning activities, camps and play dates to keep the kids active. While the changing schedule can be a welcome relief from the rigid school year, it can also be quite frightening.
A few summers ago I remember thinking: “What am I going to do with them all home this summer? I’ll have NO personal time.” My girls were 8, 7 and 3 and naptimes were a thing of the past, so my mid-day reading or relaxing had vanished and I was in a state of panic.
Often moms are the ones who put themselves last on the list. Due to the programming that comes with being a woman, most moms I know (working at-home and working outside of the home) do 90% or more of the childcare and household tasks, and this can feel multiplied in the summer.
What is a mom to do? Just relax? Yes! But just for a little bit...
1. Start saying ‘no’. “No” is a powerful word. We typically think of it as a negative response, but in reality it is a positive affirmation that we are protecting our precious time and energy. Whether it is saying no to a play date that isn’t convenient, or no to buying another unnecessary toy or no to a friend’s regular plea for babysitting help, it’s smart to remember when we are saying no to others we are saying yes to ourselves. In the process we feel a sense of relief and control over our emotions and our schedules.
2. Be reasonable. I love my job and I love my daytime working hours too. So going into this summer I still struggle at times with that long-standing “What am I going to do?” thought. It’s hard to find a camp that all of my girls will enjoy, and driving each to the camp of her choice does not feel reasonable. I had to find a schedule that worked for me. My plan for this summer is to work from 6 a.m. to noon. Then I will put my mom hat on and go for a swim, take the girls to the library or a movie, or just enjoy the beach. So I would encourage you to find a schedule that feels reasonable to you. Ask for help when you need it. There will be times I need to schedule babysitting to keep work appointments, and other times when my husband will fill in the gaps. There is no prize for taking on all the responsibilities of child-rearing or household chores alone.
3. Take a kid-free vacation. When is the last time you had a break? I don’t mean time to get your hair cut or go grocery shopping alone, I mean time off with friends, or with your partner, to relax, to learn and to just have fun. Summertime in Florida means lower hotel rates and Florida resident discounts. Shop around for a one or two-night stay at a local venue and you’ll feel like you’re on vacation. Ask a friend or family member to help out with the kids. You could also suggest a swap: you watch their kids for a night, and then they watch yours. I have tried this with great success and the kids had a blast. Make it a regular occurrence and you’ll find you’re more relaxed, more patient and happier.
Although summer means a change in schedule, make a plan to take care of you, too. When you follow these few simple steps you’ll find that the later nights, the longer days and the more relaxed (and balanced) schedule will be more fun too!
April O’Leary is a Life Coach and the author of Ride the Wave: Journey to Peaceful Living.