Jen Sanchez is usually a happy, bubbly person. She lights up a room with her cheeriness and funny stories. But that all changed when her second daughter was born.
“Postpartum depression is real, and it sucks,” Sanchez said. “Never in a million years did I think my happy and laughing butt would be on an antidepressant, but here I am. I have an awesome and supportive family, but you can’t control your hormones.”
Sanchez knew that new mothers sometimes feel ashamed of these feelings, so she wanted to share her story and let people know that there is no shame, the feelings are real, and they are not something a new mom can control. So shortly after her daughter was born she posted about her experience on Facebook.
Angela is now 2 years old and Samantha is 8 months old. Sanchez said she believes she had a bit of postpartum depression with her first daughter, but it was worse with the second one.
“I cried a lot with Angela, but it was different with Samantha, just the feelings that I had. I cried every morning. It is way worse this time,” Sanchez described.
The feelings can be scary and confusing. Sanchez loves being a mother. She loves snuggling with her daughters on the couch and reading to them. She loves holding them and being with them. That’s why the sadness can seem perplexing and overwhelming.
Jen Sanchez reads to daughters Angela (left) and Samantha (right).
“I would just wake up in the mornings feeling really anxious,” she described. “I got to the point where I couldn’t be alone. There was a feeling of guilt. When I was holding one baby, I felt guilty that I was not spending time with the other. With Angela, she has some delays and eye issues and is underperforming, and I felt like I was not doing enough. It was just mom guilt. I think that just spiraled me down.”
When her husband left for work each day, she couldn’t bear to be alone. She realized she needed some extra support, so she would spend her days with the girls at her mother’s house, while on maternity leave from her job teaching at a local elementary school.
“Before I was coming here, I would look at the clock and count down the hours until my husband came home,” she described. “I wanted to do it on my own. I thought I could do it. Then I would look at the children, and I would start crying. I couldn’t read without crying. I couldn’t sing without crying. It was just cry, cry, cry.”
Sanchez says she has every reason to be happy, so the sadness felt strange.
“They are so beautiful,” she said as she held her daughters. “I am crying because I can’t believe they are mine. I have a happy marriage. I have everything I have wanted in life.”
Having the support of her family was not enough. So when a friend suggested that she talk to her doctor about postpartum depression, she headed to her physician.
Her doctor prescribed Prozac, which is an antidepressant.
“It took a couple of days,” she said. “The first week or so, I was feeling the anxiety and panic, but it has gotten a lot better. The pills are supposed to make you feel like you used to feel, and that’s how I feel now.”
Her journey is not unusual. Andrea Press of Press Psychology in Naples says it is extremely common to have some sort of issue after giving birth. While postpartum depression is more common in people who have a history of depression, Press said it can affect anyone.
“A lot of times there is no reason why,” Press said.
She praises people like Sanchez who are not afraid to talk about postpartum depression.
“Some people are scared to tell their doctor,” Press said. “It is really challenging. You have to advocate for yourself, and that is hard when all this is happening.”
She said society also plays a role in this.
“Part of it is the overall stigma of mental health,” Press said. “There is so much pressure on what a new mom should be like. And so many people ask how the baby is, but not how the mom is.”
She said many people and even some doctors don’t recognize the problem.
“A lot of times you have certain expectations on how your maternity leave will go, and how you will connect with the baby, and when that doesn’t happen you think it is something that you did wrong.” Press explained. “Once you deliver the baby there is a huge drop in hormones. When they say baby blues, that is pretty common, but if it has been more than two weeks, it is not baby blues anymore, and we have to do something.”
Press hopes more people seek help and also speak more about it to reduce the stigma.
“Just becoming a mom is hard,” she said. “It is not all rainbows and butterflies.”
It can be especially hard having two children within 18 months. There was the exhaustion. Samantha was going through cluster feeding for a while. There was the guilt when Angela wanted to be held, but Sanchez needed to tend to the infant.
When Sanchez first posted her journey on Facebook in December, she got dozens and dozens of comments, many from people who also struggled with postpartum depression. Some added information on their experiences, while others sent words of encouragement.
Lisa Michelle wrote about her struggles and how Prozac helped her too.
“It’s a long road, but you can and will get through it,” she stated. “I still want to cry when I think about the struggles I went through. I promise it gets easier – just keep climbing.”
“Postpartum depression is real,” wrote Becky Wright. “Honestly, I didn’t think life would ever get better. It’s hard to see the light, but I promise you, it’s there. Take one day, or hour, or even minute at a time. And, try to do something for yourself every day – a shower, a walk, anything counts. You’ve got this.”
“It is very real,” added Meredith Myers. “I had it bad, too. Hang in there momma, you’re doing a great job. Seeking help is what I had to do, too, and I felt embarrassed, but my doctor made it much easier to talk about.”
Kristie Allred wrote: “Thank you for sharing, so it doesn’t feel so lonely for others.”
Sanchez said sharing her experiences helped her see she was not alone. It helped her connect with others, and it gave her the satisfaction of providing support for people who might be afraid to talk about it.
“Like miscarriages, [postpartum depression] just isn’t spoken about, but is very common,” Sanchez stated. “I totally understand a private life and keeping things to yourself, or wanting to share life updates with the world. I personally decided to post since I knew it was common. So again, if you aren’t feeling yourself, it is worth a call to your doctor or even a Facebook post and others will reach out. It takes a village to not only raise kids, but to take care of each other.”
Today, Sanchez is doing much better. She plans to stay on the medication for a while, but she hopes to wean off of it eventually. She is now back teaching second grade, while knowing her little girls are safe at her mom’s house while she works. She loves reading to them, singing and dancing with them, and going for walks with her girls. She praises her husband, Mike, for all his support. She said things like positive self-talk, meditation, and exercise also can help.
“Don’t be afraid to reach out if you feel there is something that is not right,” Sanchez stressed. “There is no need to be ashamed. The more you talk about it, the more people will come to you. It is such a taboo subject, but I am not ashamed of it. People are just embarrassed. People don’t want to talk about private issues. I am a person that wants to talk about things. By reaching out I might help someone who is going through this.”