boy learning manners
“Etiquette is the art of being confident in every situation,” says Dawnya Sasse, founder of My Club Etiquette, a six-week manners course taught in a club setting in Virginia. The word etiquette derives from the French word for ticket. Manners coaches believe that teaching children proper etiquette gives them the “ticket” to a more successful life. “They do better in interviews,” said Susan Teter, Certified Manners Coach from Virginia, “and are more comfortable in various situations like eating out, formal parties or visiting others’ homes.”
We’ve all been there. You call a local business to inquire for a particular product and the employee on the line gives you the impression she would rather be anywhere than at work. Or, you’ve checked out at the grocery and the cashier spent the entire time texting a friend. No smile, no “hello,” no “have a nice day.” “Children who exhibit good manners stand out among the rest,” said Teter. Unfortunately, as we’ve seen, so do those with bad manners.
My friends Curt and June struggled to teach their two boys decent table manners until June came up with a game. She placed a tiny toy car beside each plate. When someone at the table witnessed another’s bad manners, he could take that person’s car from him. At the end of the meal, everyone got to keep the cars they ended up with. June succeeded in making learning a new behavior fun and rewarding. By implementing these ideas, you can too.
According to Teter, “It is never too early to start teaching good manners. Even a young child can be taught to look a person in the eye when speaking to them.” In our family, we taught our children to sign the words “please” and “thank you” even before they could speak. Remember, even if a child is too young to understand the meaning behind the behavior, he can still learn the proper behavior.
As a child matures, though, it is important to explain the purpose behind the behavior you are trying to instill. We do not wipe our greasy fingers on the table cloth because the grease will not wash out and will ruin the cloth. We do not fly paper airplanes in a restaurant because the other patrons will not enjoy their meal. As a child’s understanding grows, we explain that respect for other people and their property is the basis for the behavior we are trying to teach.
As parents, we need to keep the age of our child in mind and not expect too much of him. Trying to teach too much at one time is a common mistake. Concentrate on one area, like sitting still in church, one week, and opening doors for others the next week.
Just as June made learning a new behavior fun with her toy car game, you can use a sticker chart with rewards for your children. Every time you witness the child demonstrating proper manners, he gets a sticker. When the chart is full, he gets a reward. Another fun method is role-playing. This technique is especially effective for phone manners because you can practice making and answering calls between the house phone and the cell phone.
Of course it’s always better to demonstrate proper etiquette than to teach it. Woe to the father that says, “Do as I say, not as I do.” But if things seem to be going slowly, don’t give up hope. If mom and dad don’t talk out loud in the theatre, chances are little Johnny won’t grow up doing it either. He will eventually figure out that that behavior is inappropriate.
Lastly, it’s always okay to call in re-enforcements. Having Grandma teach Susie to set a proper table may have a greater impact on Susie than if mom were doing it. You could also purchase a manners curriculum to do with your children, hire a manners coach, or attend a manners club or class. Outside assistance can incorporate role playing, game playing, prizes, and peer pressure.
Remember, it’s never too early and it’s never too late to train your children. And by following some of these methods, hopefully your child will have a “ticket” for success.
Freelance writer Carol J. Alexander lives with her family in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia.