Children’s extracurricular activities are a common source of contention between divorced parents. Disagreements often arise over the type and number of activities the children participate in, how to divide the costs of the activity, and who can attend the activity. The best way to prepare for these potential conflicts is by addressing these issues in the Parenting Plan for the children at the time of the divorce.
The vast majority of Parenting Plans provide for Shared Parental Responsibility, which requires that parents coordinate and work together to reach an agreement on the type and number of extracurricular activities in which their children can participate. Neither parent should unilaterally enroll a child in an activity; rather the parents must discuss the options and come to a mutual agreement on the issues in the best interests of the children before either parent acts. In some circumstances, it may be preferable to allow either parent to sign the child up for an activity so long as it does not interfere with the other parent’s time, but that should be the exception and not the rule. Most organized sports have an attendance policy. If one parent is not in agreement on the activity or does not want to give up his or her time in order for the child to attend practice, the child may not be able to fully participate in the activity.
A well-crafted Parenting Plan should also state that consent for the agreement should not be unreasonably withheld. This is a reminder to parents that they should put the interests of the children first and not use their divorce conflict as a reason to not allow the child to participate in an activity.
Once the parents have agreed to an activity, the next issue is the division of the cost of these activities. Typically, the costs of the activity are split between the parents as they are due, either equally or in proportion to their incomes. It is also important to anticipate what types of costs should be divided and provide for that division. For example, there may be a registration or enrollment fee, uniform costs, equipment rentals, and transportation costs. It is good practice to identify and define what expenses the parties are willing to split so that one parent is not stuck with buying all of the extra items that go along with participating in an extracurricular activity.
Finally, at times there are disputes over who is responsible for taking the child to an activity, or who can attend. Absent any extraordinary circumstances, such as domestic violence between the parents, both parents should be encouraged to attend their children’s activities, regardless of who has the child that day or night. Both parents should be in contact with the instructor or coach and have equal access to the child’s schedule. It is important to recognize that parenting time is priceless, especially if your time with children is limited. You must also remember that extracurricular activities are for the benefit of the children, so even though the activity may fall on one parent’s time or only one parent paid for the activity, that does not mean that the other parent cannot attend or participate.
Whether it is for socialization, exercise, learning how to be a part of team, or perfecting a new skill, your children are developing memories and having experiences that will stay with them the rest of their lives. Being able to experience those memories and look back fondly and see both their parents in the audience cheering them on is one that will stay with them long after their first homerun or perfect pirouette.