girl playing soccer with father
How can you ensure that your Father’s Day efforts hit the mark? First, think about how the father figure in your life demonstrates his love for others. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, a marriage counselor and author of “The 5 Love Languages,” all of us have a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. They are: (1) words of affirmation (2) quality time (3) receiving gifts (4) acts of service and (5) physical touch. If your spouse or father’s primary love language is acts of service, no matter how great the present is that you give, it will not delight him as much as if you did something for him like washing his car.
At Dr. Chapman’s web site (www.5lovelanguages.com) you can fill out a simple questionnaire to assess your primary method of expressing and interpeting love. You can also do the exercise for your children. The information gleaned can be quite helpful in understanding your spouse and children and in understanding how you can improve they way in which you relate to their style. You’ll also find free study guides at the website. Although some of the information on the site and in Dr. Chapman’s books has a religious basis, it is helpful even if you don’t share the author’s beliefs.
Words of Affirmation
Words may be spoken or written. If your children are old enough, think about writing a poem to express how you all feel about him.
Children can also express their love in pictures. Use photos of the kids and dad together to make a collage showing how much they love to spend time with dad. Challenge teens to use technology to tell Dad they love him by making a video or slide show.
Quality Time
Talk to Dad and see what sort of quality time he would most enjoy. Maybe on Father’s Day he wants to do something special on his own or perhaps he wants to make a new memory with the kids. You could sign dad and the kids up for a shared outing in the future.
Jason deSoto, one of five grown children, has learned over the years that his father is not a fan of gifts. “ He loves to spend Father’s Day hiking, canoeing or simply watching his kids and grandkids participate in activities. So my gift to him is usually organizing a family gathering. He doesn’t need anything material and I know how much he appreciates time with his family.”
Receiving Gifts
Giving dad a gift is the traditional choice for Father’s Day but it doesn’t have to be expensive. Some of the best gifts are those lovingly made by small hands. Discuss with your kids how to choose a gift based on dad’s interests. Is he sporty? Is he musical? Is he creative? Supplies and equipment for hobbies are always a good bet. Tickets to a sporting event he can attend with the kids might be a winner.
Acts of Service
Brainstorm with your children to discover something everyone can do for Dad. Does Dad have a chore you can take over for a day, a week or even a month? Make coupons to offer your services. Consider expanding this idea beyond your family and volunteer together, letting Dad choose the charity.
Physical Touch
Plan extra hugs and kisses for Dad on his special day. How about offering him a massage, either one at home or a professional one?
Perhaps you can combine one or more love languages such as a gift and quality time. Anne Marie Healey used this tactic when she arranged a surprise golf weekend for her and her husband. “He had no idea. I had arranged for him to get off work Friday afternoon, for my sister to babysit and hid an overnight bag in the trunk.”
Involve your children in the brainstorming and you can expect many creative and fun ideas. Try to tailor your gift to Dad’s love language and do not be afraid to try something wacky and new.
Sue LeBreton is a health and wellness journalist. Her language of love is acts of service so she would prefer that a loved one clean her car instead of buying her a gift.