Are you searching a way to give meaning and structure to your family’s holiday gift-giving? When it comes to gift giving during the holidays, we want to show love to one another and make the time spent with our families special and memorable. This can be a difficult task for parents, and with all of the special events the season brings, purchasing and giving gifts adds a dimension of stress that many of us would love to alleviate. In seeking out various perspectives from parents, I have a few fantastic ideas to share with you about holiday gift giving – ones that will (hopefully) encourage you during the upcoming season.
The Wise Men and Their Three Gifts
Adam Meistrell, a Naples native, and his wife, Monica, have four children ranging in age from eight years old to eight months old. When their first child was about three months old, Monica read an article in a magazine sharing various holiday traditions. “The article talked about a family who only gave three gifts to each of their children, in keeping with the theme of the three gifts the wise men gave Jesus after he was born,” she says. “I was instantly drawn to this idea. It was the beginning of November, and I had already begun receiving enormous toy advertisements and gift guides. I already felt overwhelmed by the idea of my child (and future children) presenting me with long lists of items they wanted. I needed an alternative.”
The Meistrells began the three gifts tradition with their oldest daughter, who was five months old on her first Christmas. “My children don’t know any differently, and so they don’t complain that they only get three gifts each Christmas,” she says. “We aren’t overwhelmed by huge quantities of stuff, and I’m not overwhelmed with the task of purchasing a lot of items.”
The idea of giving three gifts, Monica explains, is based on how the how the wise men presented Jesus with three gifts: gold, frankincense, and myrrh, Monica explains. “The gold gift we get each one of our children is a present they really want. The frankincense gift is a spiritual gift, because frankincense was used in worship at the altar, and myrrh is a gift for their bodies, such as clothes or athletic equipment. On Christmas morning, we read the Christmas story from the Bible, and when the story talks about the wise men, we open our gifts.”
Another Naples couple, Jose and Courtney Silva, also hold to this three gifts tradition with their three kids (ages 14, four and one). “For us, it keeps things simple,” Courtney says. “It keeps us on a budget, and our family is less focused on gifts and more focused on the birth of Jesus.” Courtney and Jose have been keeping to this tradition for three years. “I put pressure on myself to make sure gifts I give are perfect, and I struggle to remain focused, and that is one of the reasons I chose to start and continue to uphold this tradition,” Courtney explains, and points out that with fewer gifts, her children are able to better remember their gifts. “Putting the gifts into a frame of reference makes it easier for them; it creates more of a memorable experience for them.”
Want, Need, Wear, Read
Another method of gift giving focuses on giving children four presents: one gift they want, one they need, one gift to wear, and one to read.
Casey Nance, and her husband, Matt, parents of two girls ages nine and five, began this tradition of giving last Christmas. “We wanted to teach our kids a spirit of gratefulness and contentment,” says Casey. “We didn’t want their focus to be about what was in it for them, and I wanted the focus to be on our family. The previous Christmas, the children would discard one gift just to move onto the next, and without any acknowledgment or appreciation. I also didn’t want to be racing around and stressing about buying a lot of gifts.”
How did Casey’s daughter’s react to the idea of receiving four gifts on Christmas morning? “We set the expectation ahead of time,” she says. “Around Thanksgiving, we discussed how the gifts were going to be given. Since the expectations were set early, we never heard any complaints. The simple outline of giving made selecting the gifts easier. I wasn’t trying to come up with things I thought they might like, and throughout the year, I think about things that fall into each category.” I asked about the impact this tradition has had on their family. “I am not stressed about making everything perfectly even between my girls. And Matt and I have found that the fewer the gifts, the more appreciative our girls are for them. Our ultimate hope is that our children learn true contentment and focus on the real gift of the season: Jesus.”
Another Naples mom of two girls aged one and three, Sarah Wilhoit, heard about this way of gift giving through a friend in South Carolina. “I was pregnant with our first child at the time,” Sarah says. “My husband and I thought that it was a great way to keep things in perspective around the holidays. Our kids are so young and really don’t know any different, so it has been an easy tradition to start for our family.” The benefits Sarah experiences resonate: “I love to buy gifts for other people, and I tend to go a little overboard with my shopping, so this helps me to stay on track and reminds me that Christmas isn’t just about giving and receiving presents.”
A local grandmother of four, Sherry Break, holds to this tradition with her grandchildren, who range in age from four years to 12 months. “I wish I would have known about this when my children were young. I was overwhelmed with all of the gifts my grandchildren were getting, and they were too! This simplifies the Christmas season and keeps me on track.”
Ideas for Chanukah Gift Giving
For those who celebrate Chanukah – December 24 to January 1 this year – gift-giving traditions are varied. Rabbi Adam Miller of Temple Shalom shares his perspective on gifting during Chanukah: “The growth of the gift giving industry for the winter holidays has expanded exponentially in recent years. I often talk with parents and grandparents who feel overwhelmed by the materialism that now dominates the mainstream society around these celebrations.” As for Rabbi Miller’s own family, “My children look forward to receiving their own gifts, as well as the ritual of lighting candles each night at Chanukah. They each have their own menorah, and we all appreciate the symbolism of adding light during the darkest time of the year.”
The Miller family also takes one night each year to give to others. “Our three boys receive gift cards to purchase gifts for children in need. They pick out gifts, and then we take them to an organization like Toys for Tots or Grace Place. We teach our children about gratitude and remind them that there remains injustice in the world.”
Anna Solomon, the Director of Congregational Education at Temple Shalom, and her husband have three boys, aged 17, 13, and nine. Her family takes time around Thanksgiving to choose a theme for each of the eight nights of Chanukah, and the gifts for each night revolve around family activities and experiences. It varies from year to year, but they often do a movie night, a video game night, a mini-vacation spanning two nights of Chanukah, a night of giving to those in need, and one night where they each receive one gift they really want. “We try to make it about our family spending time together as much as possible,” she says.
“We assign different nights to different family members,” says Daryl Sissman, a mom of three. “One night gifts are from parents, another night gifts are from grandparents, and so on. One night the kids receive money to donate to a charity of their choice.” She and her family also focus on experiences and time together over material gifts. “My in-laws love to give experiences. Sometimes it involves camping in the backyard or going on an outing together.”
Rabbi Fishel Zaklos and his wife, Ettie Zaklos, of Chabad Jewish Center of Naples do not give their children gifts on Chanukah. “Our children are still gifted an excess of toys, books and games,” says Ettie Zaklos, “but they do not receive these gifts particularly during the eight days of Chanukah. Chanukah is about remembering the miracle of how the Jews were saved in ancient Israel. It has always been a time to celebrate with family, light the Menorah, and recognize the true gifts in our lives.”
The Zaklos family’s tradition “is to follow the original Jewish custom of giving our children ‘Chanukah gelt’,” Ettie explains. “The chocolate coins immediately come to mind, but gelt is actually just the Yiddish term for money. By giving the children some coins or dollars, they have ownership of their gift and learn the meaning of giving charity of their own money (traditionally 10%), while still having something for themselves that they can then purchase and enjoy.”
Gift-giving at Christmas and Chanukah is a way to celebrate, show our love for one another, and create memorable, special family experiences. Rabbi Miller adds, “Whatever holiday you celebrate, know that it is a blessing to experience happy moments in our lives. A blessing made even more special when we share that joy with others, to lift up their spirits, and make the world around us just a little brighter.”
ANNA SNYDER has a degree in English and Secondary Education from Wheaton College. She and her husband, Jim, have a daughter, Windley. Anna is passionate about writing, cooking, running, and playing the piano.