High School’s Final Year: Supporting Your College-Bound Child
Ready or not, prepared or not, when summer is over, your child is set to begin the final, defining and transitory, year of high school. Whether this is your first or third child, each college-bound high school student walks a unique path.
By the beginning of your child’s senior year, you may be in the refining stages of your child’s dream or your child may be considering fast and furiously what opportunities are available. High school counselor Brooke Nova encourages parents to “start the conversations early about college and career.” Speak to several people about their careers and explore college campuses.
Talk it over.
You have been listening to your child’s dreams all through her childhood. You are her first advisor. Now is the time to reflect the intimate knowledge that you have gained over these precious and fleeting years. What are his talents? What is she passionate about? What will she always want to be a part of her life? What does he want to contribute? Making time for conversation and real dialogue with your child is crucial to helping her to focus her aspirations on a possible program of study. Never underestimate what is possible.
Brainstorm a big list.
The first list of colleges and universities should include a wide spectrum of choices. Some of these choices should provide a stretch that challenges your child to reach further. Encourage your child to attend college presentations that are offered at the high school. Explore university websites together and separately. Your child will let you know when your presence over his shoulder is no longer required. You can compare notes later.
Consider campus size.
What size of campus will appeal the most? As my daughter, Natalie, and I learned, actually visiting the campus was the best way to get a feeling for size. On our visits, we observed the kind of people who were walking around campus. How did the large campus feel? Or, would she prefer a smaller campus? Our tour guides made impressions on us. One professor stood out. He made Natalie feel welcome when she sat in on his class and remembered her name when he saw her the next day.
Discuss distance from home.
How far away is your child comfortable living? Some students are fine going to the opposite side of the country while others prefer to stay close to home, where weekend visits are possible or perhaps even to live at home that first year. My son, Thomas, demonstrated his independent nature by his choice to study a good six-hour drive away at the opposite end of our home state.
Apply, apply, and apply.
Early in the senior year is time to tackle the tedious work of completing college admissions applications as well as scholarship applications. This load will be lightened considerably if, as Nova suggests, the student has used the summer before senior year to research scholarships and to draft samples of scholarship and admissions essays.
Make that essay shine.
Parents, siblings, and friends can help with the editing process. In most cases, the final admissions or scholarship application is uploaded online. Take the time, however, to print out the various pieces and refine the wording. If ever there were a time for perfectionism, the time is when writing college and scholarship applications. Proofreading by multiple sets of eyes can add exponential value. Print hard copies of all the applications and keep them in a large accordion-style file or file box. The file box will be full if not bursting by the end of the year.
Support without hovering.
Your child needs your support during this process. Most students this age need help breaking down the projects and requirements into manageable bits. They need help managing deadlines and timelines.
Attend financial aid presentations.
Many high schools have at least one night, usually in the fall, where someone from a local university financial aid office speaks about financial aid. Mike Johnson, director of financial aid for Pacific University, likes to go beyond the basic information in his presentations. “I also try to provide a reality check on what costs really mean.” Johnson helps parents to consider how much the tuition “sticker price” can be alleviated by factoring in the potential for financial aid.
Attend at least one session with a friend, better yet; a friend who has already sent a child to college if this is your first. A second ear can help with sorting through the information overload. I found it nearly impossible to assimilate all the information, terminology, and financial acronyms in one sitting. Allow time to make sense of it all in order to be able to apply the information to your individual situation.
Get a jump on senioritis.
Senioritis seems to hit all of them. It’s just a matter of how far into the year it takes to kick in. Nova encourages students to finish most everything, including college, scholarship, and the federal financial aid applications, by winter break. After the first semester seniors are typically “‘over high school’ so getting everything done before break really does help,” Nova concludes.
Wait it out.
Even after all of this preparation, there is nothing to do but hang in there with your child and wait for the letters of acceptance or rejection to arrive in the mail. If your child was taking some risks in the application process, there are bound to be disappointments as well as victories. Each letter brings opportunity for feedback and learning for both of you. You likely will celebrate one day and then receive sobering news the next. Be prepared for tears. Remind your child that the closing of one door opens another.
Accept the roller coaster.
During my daughter’s senior year, sometimes she accepted gentle reminders; other times, she bristled at any suggestions. I continually walked that tight rope between supporting and hovering. I felt the stress of meeting the application deadlines right along with her. Even so, I couldn’t write her essay for her. I was almost grateful when she shut her bedroom door in my face so she could work on it on her own. Later, when she took the envelope into her room to open privately in her own space, I held my breath, too. But the results were hers, not mine.
Whatever the news, ceremonies that mark the end of high school for your child are rich with meaning and memories. You will have endured the ups and downs of a unique and remarkable senior year with your child. The events and memories of senior year will stay with both of you as you take the next step to life beyond the high school years together.