As Thanksgiving approaches it is natural to be thinking about gratefulness and how to encourage it in our kids. According to Harvard Health, gratitude is associated with greater overall happiness, can help people deal with adversity, and even aid in forming strong relationships. These are qualities we want for our children all year long!
How do we cultivate a sense of gratitude in our children? Christine Carter in her book Raising Happiness says, “Gratitude is a learned skill to be practiced like kicking a soccer ball or speaking French.” Here are eight ways you can help to build that skill in your child:
1. Be a good role model
Model “please” and “thank you” just the way you’d want to see it in your children. Children are keen observers of how you treat others in your life and naturally will follow your lead. When eating out, for example, your server may or may not notice whether you thank them as they present your meal, but your children definitely will. The importance of being a good role model cannot be overstated and may be one of the most important ways to encourage gratitude, so keep your thank yous at the ready.
2. Volunteer
Volunteering can contribute to well-being in multiple ways, including increasing self-confidence, providing a sense of purpose, and even improving physical health. There also is evidence to suggest that volunteering increases both gratitude and happiness. But there are even more benefits to volunteering. Depending on the activity, kids are given the opportunity to learn essential skills and increase their sense of responsibility.
3. Chores
Believe it or not, doing chores can increase gratitude. By participating in housework, children get a firsthand look at what it takes to run a household. This can raise their awareness of what is being done for them on a day-to-day basis and can awaken a sense of gratitude.
4. Encourage thank you notes
Hand-written thank you notes seem to be going out of style as our forms of communication become almost exclusively electronic. However, there still is something quite meaningful about writing and receiving a thank you the old fashioned way. If your child resists, try making sure they write a thank you note before using a gift. This will encourage even the most reluctant child to complete the notes.
5. Count your blessings
Whether at dinner or as a bedtime routine, each night have your children recount the best parts of their day. This can be a reminder that even a bad day had good points and help end the day on a positive note.
6. Work for it
Children can learn not only gratitude from earning some of their own possessions, but also a sense of responsibility. When they have worked for a toy or other item, they have a better sense of its value, potentially increasing their gratitude not just for that item but for their other possessions as well.
7. Extending thank you
According to the Raising Grateful Children Project at University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, 85% of parents prompt their children to say thank you. But going beyond common manners can help increase gratitude. Try asking children how a gift makes them feel, or why they think they received the gift.
8. Look on the bright side
Try looking for the positive when things get hard. Asking yourself or your child what good could come out of a hard thing can help you see the best in situations and increase gratitude. Next time things aren’t going as expected, try to point out the bright side to your children. It might be helpful to your own mood, too.
All of these skills can help build gratitude in your child, which can lead to a happier overall child as well as a more resilient one. These are great skills to build not just at Thanksgiving but all year round.
Jill Morgenstern is a freelance writer, Jewish Sunday school teacher, and radio DJ. She has four children and a master’s degree in teaching reading.