Celeste Lynch is a typical busy mom, taking Gianna, 9, to school and swimming lessons, helping with homework, and making dinner. They cuddle on the couch with their cat, French Toast. They go on fun, adventurous summer vacations. But Lynch isn’t really a typical mom, because she is Gianna’s grandmother.
Lynch is one of more than 2.3 million grandparents in the United States who are responsible for caring for their grandchildren. And that number is rapidly increasing.
Parental substance abuse, incarceration, and death of a parent are some of the many reasons grandparents are raising their grandkids. But two recent crises have forced a spike now. COVID-19 has made at least 140,000 children orphans, according to a statement before the Senate Special Committee on Aging. The opioid epidemic also has greatly increased the number of grandparents stepping in to parent.
Love, adventures, and challenges
September 10 is National Grandparents Day, but for Gianna, Mother’s Day is more appropriate. Gianna was just a year old when Lynch began caring for her. It’s now been eight years of love, adventures, and challenges.
The Naples duo began their story by sharing the fun times. They recently returned from a summer vacation in the Bahamas, where they swam with sharks, stingrays, turtles, and wild pigs. They scrolled through photos on their phone recalling all the fun times they had.
“She was scared of the pigs, but I wasn’t,” Gianna described.
Last summer they went to Costa Rica. They are planning a trip to Alaska for next summer.
“We like to swim together,” Gianna said. “And we love to go to the mall. We like eating there. I like Chick-fil-A and the grilled cheese place.”
Gianna calls Lynch Mom Mom. Lynch’s husband died years ago. Now she lives with her wife, Monica Smith, who Gianna calls Yaya.
A grandparent’s life journey often takes an unplanned detour when they step in to parent a grandchild. While Lynch loves being Gianna’s parent, there are challenges.
“I had just married Monica, and then this happened,” Lynch began. “It was not something we planned on. Unfortunately, my daughter had addiction problems for many years, and things were not good, and the other parent was not in the picture.”
When the Florida Department of Children and Families called, Lynch didn’t hesitate to agree to care for her grandchild.
“DCF was very happy when I said ‘yes’ because they don’t have that all the time,” Lynch explained. “There are a lot of grandparents who don’t have the ability”
Lynch had to find daycare quickly for the 1-year-old since she and Smith both work at Moorings Park, Lynch as an executive director and Smith as a nurse.
“First we went through guardianship and worked toward the adoption,” she explained. “It is not an easy process. That is why a lot of grandparents can’t do this. If you don’t have the resources it can be very limiting, so we were lucky.”
Financial concerns
Caring for a grandchild is expensive. Raising a child from birth to age 18 costs about $310,000, or $17,000 a year, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture. For senior citizens who rely on Social Security to pay the bills or for those who saved for their retirement but not for raising another child, this becomes quite difficult.
That’s why Tina Tusack of Fort Myers teamed up with CeAnne Kaiser to create Family Haven Foundation, a nonprofit aimed at helping grandparents and great-grandparents who are raising children. They realized that raising a grandchild can cause significant stress due financial concerns, physical limitations, and transitioning to a new way of life.
“We just want to help these grandparents,” Kaiser said. “They are the unspoken heroes who are helping their grandchildren and great-grandchildren.”
The group holds fundraisers including a yearly golf tournament and a 50/50 drawing. They use the money raised to help these grandparents and great grandparents with everything from utility bills to school fees to healthcare.
“We are talking about 80-year-olds taking care of 2-year-olds, and they are trying to live off Social Security,” explained Kaiser.
Kaiser described helping some Naples great-grandparents who suddenly were caring for toddler twins.
“They had no help, no advice, no place to turn,” she explained.
Starting over
Raising grandchildren means life changes.
“It is kind of like starting over,” said Tusack, who is raising her 7-year-old granddaughter. “A retirement, I don’t see that in my future. We have to put another one through college.”
Lynch, 58, agrees.
“Probably 10-12 more years to afford getting her through school and college,” she said about working. “It does change your future.”
There were other life-changing decisions made when suddenly raising a grandchild. Lynch chose to move to a community in Naples with more children.
“We were drawn here because there were so many kids, and we felt we should move somewhere with a lot of kids,” Lynch said. “Without her we definitely would have been in a different community.”
Lynch also is trying to keep up with technology.
“I am not up on all the tech stuff,” she explained. “I feel that I am not a good resource for her because I don’t have an Apple watch and I don’t have an iPad. I use my computer for work, and I keep up with the things I need for work.”
There are even more challenges.
“Homework is really hard,” she admitted. “It is not the way we used to do things.”
Then there is the exhaustion.
“For me, personally, and Monica, we work all day, we have afterschool care, we pick her up at 6 o’clock, and we have to do dinner and homework,” she described. “So that is a challenge for me because I am tired. I fall asleep in the chair after I put her to bed because I am so tired. I wish there was more support. I don’t have the patience I used to have, but I am wiser. I think I can handle things a lot better because I have the experience, but with my age, it tries my patience a little more.”
Lynch did start a support group in Naples in 2017, but turned it over to https://valerieshouse.orgValerie’s House a few years later.
Things are good now for the Lynch family. Lynch was able to formally adopt Gianna in December 2019. Lynch’s daughter is now doing well and is able to spend time with Gianna, and Lynch is enjoying being the parent that Gianna needs.
“I am one of those people who believe things happen for a reason,” Lynch said. “Just that special bond makes me feel so good. It is a tighter bond. It inspired me to stay in shape and keep my health and wellness. I want to keep healthy for her. The things we do together are very special, and she is very loving and affectionate, and that is the way I am. She will reach out and hold my hand, so it makes you feel like you are making a positive impact. We are in such a good place now. She does see her mother, but she wants to come back here. Here is home.”
