What I learned in fourth grade geography was wrong. In my Georgia classroom, Florida equals East Coast, and California equals West Coast. Anything else gets a big fat “F.” When I moved to Southwest Florida, my new friends set me straight: We live on the West Coast, on the Gulf side. Miami, Fort Lauderdale, and such are on the East Coast, on the Atlantic side. They get the sunrises. We get the sunsets. Settled.
Well, not exactly. It gets complicated down in the Keys which straddle both the Atlantic and the Gulf – and the locals are known to call themselves anything they want. Like that day 44 years ago when they showed the government a thing or two by seceding from the Union and declaring their own country. Here’s what happened: The U.S. Border Patrol blockaded the Overseas Highway, demanding citizenship proof from every person entering and leaving the Keys. Traffic chaos ensued and tourism died.
“They want to treat us like a foreign country, then so be it,” said Key West’s mayor. On April 23, 1982, he raised the flag of the Conch Republic, The Sovereign State of Mind. He named himself Prime Minister and ordered the town schooner, now officially the Conch Republic Navy, to attack the U.S. Coast Guard Cutter, Diligence. Their weapons were water balloons, conch fritters, and stale loaves of Cuban bread. When the Coast Guard fought back with fire hoses, the Conch Republic surrendered and demanded $1 million in foreign aid. The U.S. ignored that, but the blockade ended.
We’ve settled Florida’s West Coast/East Coast question, but there’s more confusion. We also have the Historic Coast (Ponce de Leon and Fountain of Youth, etc.), the Space Coast (all things astronaut), the Fun Coast (Daytona, naturally), and more, often subject to change at the whims of tourism gurus. Here’s the rundown:
Emerald Coast
Crystal-clear water the color of emeralds. There’s Fort Walton Beach, Destin (the World’s Luckiest Fishing Village), and that iconic family playground, Panama City Beach. The Billy Bowlegs Pirate Festival happens on Fort Walton Beach in May. destinationpanamacity.com, destinfwb.com
Forgotten Coast
Whoever named this coast was wrong. The 17,000-acre St. Mark’s Wildlife Refuge, Bald Point State Park, and Apalachicola Bay (home of the world’s tastiest bay oysters) are truly unforgettable. floridasforgottencoast.com
Nature Coast
Nature Coast is all about dense forests, prairies, backwater rivers, and natural springs. The self-proclaimed “real Florida” offers great backpacking, camping, stargazing, and close encounters with manatees in the Crystal River National Wildlife Reserve. floridanaturecoast.org
Adventure Coast
Adventure Coast (which is not on the coast, by the way). Starting just north of Tampa, this region has the deepest freshwater cave system in the U.S. But as the home of 75-year-old Weeki Wachee’s world-famous mermaid shows, shouldn’t it be called the Mermaid Coast? Just a thought. floridasadventurecoast.com
Cultural Coast
Theaters, artists’ enclaves and galleries, opera and ballet companies, world-class museums, dining, and shopping easily earn Sarasota its title, but don’t be fooled: The entire town was built around the circus arts and marine conservation. Must-dos: Ringling Museum’s spectacular Greatest Show on Earth experience, live performances at the Circus Arts Conservatory, and the Mote Marine Laboratory and Aquarium. floridasculturalcoast.com
Paradise Coast
That’s us, of course: Naples, Marco Island, and the Everglades. We have it all, from culture to nature to fun places to play. So do our neighbors: Bonita Springs, Fort Myers, and the barrier islands. Aren’t our kids lucky to grow up here?
Gold Coast
It’s the epicenter of posh and glitter, while also home to the Homestead-Miami Speedway. Check out the action-packed family-friendly NASCAR weekend, March 21-23. miamiandbeaches.com, thepalmbeaches.com
Treasure Coast
Eleven Spanish galleons loaded with stolen Florida gold, silver, and jewels sank in a hurricane near Jupiter Island. Served them right, right? Treasure seekers still look for bounty along the shore. Visit Mel Fisher’s Treasure Museum and Blowing Rocks Preserve, ride horses along the beach, and maybe dine in Fellsmere, the Frog Leg Capital of the World. floridastreasurecoast.com
Space Coast
It’s not rocket science. Oh wait, yes, it is! Visit the Kennedy Space Center and NASA and get so close to a launch that your space ice cream may melt. There’s lots more, of course. visitspacecoast.com
Fun Coast
Daytona is famous for the world-famous Daytona International Speedway, Florida’s best surfing coast, and riverboating along the St. Johns River. daytonabeach.com
Historic Coast
St. Augustine, the oldest city in the U.S, was claimed
for Spain by Ponce de Leon way before the Pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock. Just to the north is Jacksonville, which calls itself the First Coast. I’m sure they have their reasons. floridashistoriccoast.com
We Floridians call our coastlines pretty much whatever we want. And that goes for the Conch Republic and the Gulf, as well.
From April 18 to 27, the Conch Republic celebrates its 44th anniversary with a military muster and re-enactment of the Great Sea Battle. Other family fun includes a conch shell blowing contest, a parade, and more. conchrepublic.com