father with 2 babies
Father’s Day is a special time to remember dear ol’ dad. For many, it might mean a few extra minutes to sleep, a handmade card or even a fancy fishing pole from the kids. But for dads whose kids came out in pairs or more, Father’s Day holds an extra special meaning. Having twins or other higher order multiples often requires dad to jump into fatherhood right from the start—helping with feedings, burpings and diaper changes too! As a result, many fathers of multiples say their relationships with all of their children are stronger because of the early bonds formed by necessity.
“It was a surprise at first seeing the ultrasound, seeing two faces and little bodies, but as I look back now, it was so enjoyable to have them come into our lives,” says Lee McClellan, 51, a stay-at-home father of three. “We had our twins first, so I learned early how important a father’s role is.”
When two or more babies are crying, a father has to get involved.
“Sean was born with Cerebral Palsy and requires extra care,” he said. “So my wife and I made the decision that I would be the one to stay home.” McClellan decided to quit his job running a limousine business and now he’s busy at home while his wife, Denise, fills the important role of breadwinner.
“Denise is a senior product manager at Chico’s and I’m your typical Mr. Mom, or domestic engineer,” he said with a laugh. “I drive the kids everywhere, wash their clothes, get dinner ready and take care of Sean’s needs. All three of my children are very close to me.”
McClellan says when you get two or more children at once, especially when they are your first shot at parenthood, there’s a sharp learning curve.
“But you get pretty adept right away. Those bouncy chairs come in very handy,” he joked.
These days, Victoria and Sean are 15 and Sarah is 13. McClellan says the challenges become different as his children become teenagers. But it’s not the night-wakings he’s losing sleep over anymore --- it’s his children’s growing sense of freedom.
One of the biggest challenges parents of multiples face is finding the time to recognize each child individually, and Father’s Day provides ample opportunities to develop relationships with individual children. Experts suggest that families of multiples use holidays to develop traditions that enhance each child’s unique identity.
“I’d say ensuring that each child gets one-on-one attention is one of the issues I struggle with,” said Tod Bayne, the father of identical twins Sophie and Virginia, age five. “I also remind myself not to assume both children enjoy the same activities. You tend to think – especially with identical twins – that both will want to do the same thing and that’s not always the case.”
A “perfect” Father’s Day for Bayne begins with breakfast with the girls and then venturing outdoors.
“Last year we did a shelling expedition at Bonita Beach. It was great, educational and we were a family,” he said.
Finding that special time together can be even more difficult in a family of ten.
“Father’s Day is usually pretty hectic around here. But then again, everyday is hectic,” says Todd Strackbein, father of eight, including triplets. “We have so many things happening on a daily basis-- soccer games and scouts, meals and music lessons. This year, I’d really love to have some time with the children and without the stresses of scheduled activities.”
Cheryl and Todd Strackbein are the proud parents of Trenton, 16; Chase, 14; Chloe, 10; triplets Ainsley, Barrett and Camille, 7; Aiden, 4 and Brielle, 19 months. Strackbein says he enjoys all of the cards and hand-made items the children make. And while a Sunday brunch at a fancy restaurant probably isn’t in the works, some special time at home is part of the plan.
For the Strackbeins there’s a little bit of notoriety that comes around special holidays.
“We are recognized whenever we go out as a family,” Strackbein said. “I mean, complete strangers come up to us and wish us well. This is especially true around any holiday. You realize how important your role as a father really is.”
And while there’s never a dull moment, Cheryl said, “I love to watch how my children interact with each other, all eight of them. I’m always amazed at how they look out for each other. Before the triplets were born, Todd used to joke about wanting to be Mr. Mom, with eight kids now, he doesn’t tease me about that anymore.”
So for any parent out there, the experts (and dads) agree. The best thing you can do on Father’s Day and everyday is to ask yourself, what do I do with my child with the time that I have? The quality and type of activities you do with your children are far more important than the amount of time you spend with them ... and please, take time to enjoy that steak too!
Rachelle Kennedy Grossman writes from experience as she and her husband, David have 3-year old twins, DJ and Kaylee and a 4-year old, Alexandra.