woman thinking blue sky
As school gets back into swing this month many of us get into the ‘rush’ mode. Between getting school supplies, purchasing uniforms, attending open houses and getting back into that rigid school year routine after a summer of late nights and lazy mornings the schedule can seem to take a drastic turn.
But let me be honest. I’ve been rushing all summer too. In June I shared my excellent plan of summer work-home balance. If I’m not mistaken I said, “I’m going to work from 6 a.m.-noon, and then shut it down and have fun with the girls.” Ask them and they’ll tell you that didn’t exactly pan out the way I had hoped it would.
Do you know why? I was stuck. Now as a Life Coach, that is a true confession. Most of the time I have the extreme privilege of helping others figure out where they’re stuck and then helping them navigate those areas with targeted focus to get what they want, or resolve a problem, or restore a relationship or find more time for themselves. But now the spotlight was on me.
I started to wonder. “Why do I always feel like I am rushing? When will it end?” In my mind the answer was always some point in the future. Let me highlight some of these times it was ‘supposed’ to end.
• When the girls can buckle their own seatbelts, then I won’t be late.
• When I have more help with the housework, then I will feel more relaxed.
• When the kids are all in school, then I will really have more time.
• When I get this project done (organize a closet, finish this event, once the holidays are over), then it will slow down.
• When summer arrives, then I’ll stop rushing and enjoy my kids more.
Seeing this pattern helped me to realize I am stuck in the when-then game. Look at the bullet points above. Can you identify the pattern? When this happens, then that will happen.
The point is that all of those whens have happened in my life and none of the thens have! Am I not late anymore? Am I feeling more relaxed? Do I really feel like I have more time? Have things slowed down? Have I stopped rushing? I’m embarrassed to admit that the answer is ‘no’.
So if you’re there with me in some area of your life, you keep telling yourself when this happens then things will be better, and you want to stop playing the game then I have a simple plan for you
1) Recognize the pattern. Take an objective approach and ask yourself, “Over the past year, five years, 10 years is there a pattern that keeps following me around that I wish would go away?” If you can’t see it, ask a friend to help you out. It is much easier to see someone else’s patterns. Why do you think you always notice your spouse’s faults?!
2) Forgive yourself. Know that you didn’t know better until now and it’s okay. So you flubbed a few relationships, or were impatient and yelled at your kids, or lost a few jobs, or complained too much, that’s life, and it had to happen that way so you could get to this moment and SEE what YOUR pattern is.
3) Create it now. Realize it is YOUR pattern and YOU can change it starting now. That is a powerful realization. Once you realize that at no point in the future will this desired state materialize, you have stopped playing the when-then game and you can start embracing today.
The ‘then’ that is promising to bring you future happiness is actually now. Thank goodness I realized I was stuck in the game and now I truly am enjoying life more. Why? Because I know that if I want peace I have to create it today. If I want to stop rushing, now is the time. I can enjoy the moments that come today, because if I don’t do it now, it will never come.
April O’Leary is a Life Coach and author of Ride the Wave: Journey to Peaceful Living. She invites you to spend the weekend with her Sept. 14-15 for the Happy Mom Conference. For more info visit HappyMomConference.com. April lives in Estero with her husband and three daughters.