What began decades ago as a simple gesture of support between local farmers and business leaders has grown into an opportunity for leaders from the county’s coastal and interior regions to feast on locally grown food, give thanks for a thriving community, and support the next generation of youth on the day before Thanksgiving. 

This wildly popular, fun event includes networking, live music by Back Country Boys Band, and a hearty steak lunch served with Immokalee-grown vegetables as well as beer and wine. As a true, heartfelt display of service and tradition, volunteer business leaders man the grills, and sides are served by Collier County elected officials who volunteer as celebrity servers. The event kicks off with the Collier County Sheriff’s Office Honor Guard Presentation of Colors and the official turkey pardon. This light-hearted American tradition spares a live turkey from being slaughtered for Thanksgiving.

Proceeds benefit the youth development programs of Collier County 4H, Collier County Junior Deputies, Key Clubs of Collier County, and Youth Leadership Collier. Youth beneficiaries will be on hand as volunteers to assist with a variety of fundraising opportunities. 

About Farm City BBQ

Rooted in a 68-year legacy, this cherished event began when Naples’ business leaders extended a hand to local farmers during a tough harvest year, ensuring no family would go without on Thanksgiving. The following year, the farmers returned the gesture, and a tradition of mutual support and community care was born. At its heart, Farm-City BBQ provides an opportunity to celebrate farmers, business owners, and neighbors and give thanks for the food on our tables, the hands that grow it, and the people who make this community thrive. Today, the Farm-City BBQ continues that legacy, serving up a delicious, locally sourced meal prepared by volunteers and served by Collier County elected officials. To date, the Farm-City BBQ has raised more than $630,000 for youth development programs in Collier County. To learn more, visit FarmCityBBQ.com.

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Where to Get Free Thanksgiving Dinners in Collier and Lee Counties

St. Matthew’s House – Hope for the Holidays Distribution
3000 Orange Blossom Dr., Naples (Collier County)
Saturday, November 22, 7:30 am–2:30 pm
St. Matthew’s House distributes turkey dinners to Collier County families in need every Thanksgiving. Early arrival is recommended.
Visit stmatthewshouse.org

St. Vincent de Paul – Free Thanksgiving Meals
Naples location (Collier County)
This organization offers Thanksgiving meals to individuals and families in need.
Visit svdpnaples.org

Feeding the 5000: Thanksgiving Outreach
19691 Cypress View Dr., Fort Myers (Lee County)
November 15–19
Families can receive non-perishable Thanksgiving food through participating schools and churches in Lee County. Advance registration is required.

Café of Life – Holiday Meal Program
26724 Nomad Dr., Bonita Springs (Lee County)
Café of Life serves more than 550 hot Thanksgiving meals across several Lee County sites.
Visit cafeoflife.org

Where to Buy Cheap Thanksgiving Dinners in Collier and Lee Counties

Publix
Locations throughout Collier and Lee counties
Thanksgiving dinners start at less than $10 per person. Pre-order is recommended before November 24.
Order at publix.com

Bob Evans Farmhouse Kitchen
Multiple Florida locations
The Slow-Roasted Turkey Farmhouse Feast starts at $17 per person and is available for dine-in or carryout.
Visit bobevans.com

Mel’s Diner
3650 Tamiami Trail N., Naples (Collier County)
28601 Trails Edge Blvd, Bonita Springs (Lee County)
4820 S Cleveland Ave, Fort Myers (Lee County)
Thanksgiving meals start at $18 and include all the holiday favorites.
Visit melsdiners.com

iHOP
Locations in both counties
Order a Family Feast for just $30, perfect for a small family Thanksgiving.
Visit ihop.com

Volunteer and Donation Opportunities in Collier and Lee Counties

St. Matthew’s House – Thanksgiving Volunteers
Naples (Collier County)
Volunteer to help with meal distribution on November 22.
Volunteer here

Estero Church – Thanksgiving Food Build
8088 Lord’s Way, Estero (Lee County)
Setup: November 21, 3:00 pm–5:00 pm
Pack & Distribute: November 22, 8:00 am–11:00 am
Help prepare and distribute food kits for over 400 families.

Community Cooperative – Full Plates Project
Lee County
Now through November 26
Donate meal kits or help with Thanksgiving food delivery.
Donate or volunteer

Harry Chapin Food Bank – Turkey Collection
3760 Fowler St., Fort Myers (Lee County)
3940 Prospect Ave. #101, Naples (Collier County)
Now through November 20, weekdays 8:00 am–2:00 pm
Donate a frozen turkey or ham to feed families in both counties.
Visit harrychapinfoodbank.org

Capital Wealth Advisors’ Annual Turkey Drop
Partnering with St. Matthew’s House to serve Collier County residents.
Donate a meal

Naples Connect – Networking & Food Drive
1410 Pine Ridge Rd., Naples (Collier County)
Wednesday, November 19, 4:00 pm
Bring Thanksgiving donations and network with others supporting the local community.

Know of another free or low-cost Thanksgiving event or donation opportunity in Collier or Lee County?
We’d love to include it. Please email details to info@neafamily.com for consideration.

The post Where to Get Free or Cheap Thanksgiving Dinners or Donate Meals in Collier and Lee Counties appeared first on SWFL Family.

Spiced Pumpkin Bars

• 2  cups flour
• 2  tsp baking powder
• 2  tsp ground cinnamon
• 1  tsp baking soda
• 1/4  tsp salt
• 4  eggs
• 15 oz can of pumpkin
• 1 2/3  cups sugar
• 1  cup cooking oil
• 3/4  cup chopped pecans (optional)
• 8-ounce package cream cheese, softened
• 1/4  cup butter, softened
• 1  tsp vanilla
• 2  cups powdered sugar (sifted)
• Pecan halves (optional)

1. In a medium bowl, stir together flour, baking powder, cinnamon, baking soda, and salt; set aside.
2. In a large mixing bowl, beat together eggs, pumpkin, sugar, and oil on medium speed. Add the flour mixture; beat until well combined. If desired, stir in chopped pecans.
3. Spread batter into an ungreased 15x10x1-inch baking pan.
4. Bake in a 350°F oven for 25 to 30 minutes, or until the center comes out clean. Cool completely in the pan on a wire rack.
5. In a medium mixing bowl, beat together cream cheese, butter, and vanilla until fluffy. Gradually add sifted powdered sugar, beating until smooth.
6. Frost pumpkin bars. If desired, top with pecan halves. Cut into squares. Store, covered, in refrigerator up to 3 days.

Recipe adapted from Better Homes and Gardens.

Source:  Culinary.net

Pumpkin Pie

Prep time: 15 minutes
Cook time: 50-55 minutes
Servings: 8

• 1 pie crust (store-bought or homemade), at room temperature
• 3 large eggs
• 1/2 cup granulated sugar
• 1/3 cup light brown sugar
• 1 can (15 ounces) Green Giant 100% Pure Pumpkin
• 3/4 cup heavy whipping cream
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
• 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1/2 teaspoon salt

1. Roll out dough to 2 inches larger than pie dish. Gently press dough into dish until it lines bottom and sides. Trim dough to within 1/2 inch of dish edge. Fold edges underneath themselves, creating thick 1/4-inch border. Crimp edges with fingers. Refrigerate. Preheat oven to 375 F.
2. In large bowl, whisk eggs and sugars until smooth. Add pumpkin, cream, vanilla, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg and salt. Stir until well blended.
3. Slowly pour filling into pie shell. Cover edges with thin strips of aluminum foil. Bake 25 minutes. Remove foil. Bake 25-30 minutes, or until toothpick inserted near center comes out clean. Cool on wire rack.

Source: Green Giant Pumpkin.

Brown Butter Pumpkin Spice Cookies

Prep time: 30 minutes
Cook time: 70 minutes
Yield: 48-50 cookies

• 1 cup unsalted butter
• 5 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 tablespoon pumpkin pie spice
• 2 cups brown sugar
• 1 can (15 ounces) Green Giant 100% Pure Pumpkin
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
• 2 large eggs
• 2 egg yolks

For Rolling:

• 2 tablespoons cane sugar
• 1 tablespoon brown sugar
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon

1. In small saute pan over medium heat, melt butter. Stir regularly until butter turns deep golden brown, 8-10 minutes. Pour browned butter into heat-safe bowl or measuring cup and refrigerate until cooled, but not solid, about 15 minutes.
2. In large mixing bowl, whisk flour, baking soda, salt and pumpkin pie spice. Set aside.
3. In separate medium mixing bowl, stir browned butter and brown sugar. Whisk in pumpkin and vanilla extract followed by eggs and egg yolks.
4. Gradually mix wet ingredients into dry until evenly mixed. Refrigerate dough 30 minutes.
5. Form dough into four separate logs 2-3 inches in diameter and about 7 inches long. Wrap each cookie dough log with plastic wrap. Freeze dough 30 minutes, or until ready to bake.
6. For rolling: Preheat oven to 350 F and line large baking sheet with parchment paper. Stir sugars and cinnamon on large plate. Unwrap desired amount of dough (thaw slightly at room temperature if dough is completely frozen) and roll each log in sugar mixture.
7. Slice into 1/2-inch slices. Place on baking sheet 3 inches apart.
8. Bake 14-15 minutes. Repeat with remaining cookie dough.
9. Cool cookies at room temperature on baking sheet 10 minutes before transferring to cooling rack and cooling 10 minutes.

Source: Green Giant Pumpkin.

Pumpkin Sourdough Loaf

This delicious bread is very subtly sweet, and the pumpkin pie spices permeate the bread beautifully.

Ingredients

• 100 g ripe, bubbly, active sourdough starter
• 140 g pumpkin purée
• 250 g water
• 65 g brown sugar
• 12 g salt
• 500 g all-purpose flour (e.g., organic Costco AP)
• ~1 tsp pumpkin pie spice (plus more for laminating the dough)

Steps

1. Mix starter, pumpkin purée, water, brown sugar, salt, and flour in a stand mixer with a dough hook until homogenous.
2. Rest the dough 15–20 minutes (optional but helpful).
3. Perform Stretch & Fold Set 1.
4. Rest 30 minutes.
5. Perform Stretch & Fold Set 2.
6. Rest 30 minutes.
7. Perform Stretch & Fold Set 3.
8. Rest 30 minutes.
9. Perform Stretch & Fold Set 4 (total four sets over ~2 hours).
10. Cover and bulk rise 2–3 hours (about 2 hours at 77–78°F; cooler rooms may need 3+ hours).
11. Gently stretch dough into a large rectangle; sprinkle pumpkin pie spice, then fold like a letter, adding a little more spice between layers.
12. Shape into a round on a lightly floured surface, creating surface tension.
13. Place seam-side up in a lined banneton or bowl; cover and refrigerate 12–24 hours.
14. Preheat a lidded cast-iron Dutch oven at 450°F (232°C) for about 30 minutes.
15. Turn dough onto parchment, score the top, and lower into the hot Dutch oven.
16. Bake at 450°F for 30 minutes with the lid on.
17. Remove lid and bake 8–15 minutes more, until deeply browned.
18. Transfer to a rack and cool about 30 minutes.
19. Slice and enjoy—great with butter, maple cream, or pumpkin butter.

Recipe by Anna Snyder (Adapted from Amy Bakes Bread)

Zucchini Spice Bundt Cake

Recipe courtesy of “Cookin’ Savvy

• 1 box spice cake mix
• 2 cups grated zucchini
• 1/3 cup melted butter
• 3 eggs
• 1 cup chopped walnuts, divided
• 1 cup chopped white chocolate chips, divided
• 1 cup powdered sugar
• milk

1. Heat oven to 350 F.
2. In bowl, mix cake mix, zucchini, butter, eggs, 3/4 cup walnuts and 3/4 cup white chocolate chips. Pour into greased bundt pan and bake 40 minutes, or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.
3. Let cool about 10 minutes then remove from pan to finish cooling.
4. Mix powdered sugar and milk, about 1/4 cup, to reach desired consistency of frosting. Pour over cooled cake then sprinkle with remaining walnuts and remaining white chocolate chips. Cut and serve.

Source: Culinary.net

The post Easy Fall Pumpkin Recipes appeared first on SWFL Family.

The Fresh Market

4129 Tamiami Tr. N., Naples
thefreshmarket.com
Varieties: Strawberry Rhubarb, Cherry, Old Fashioned Apple Lattice, Apple Crisp

Epiphany Gluten Free Bakery

1514 Immokalee Rd., #117, Naples
epiphanyglutenfree.com
Varieties: Key Lime, Chicken Pot Pie

Angelic Desserts

2355 Vanderbilt Beach Rd., #116, Naples
angelicdesserts.com
Varieties: Banana Cream, Chocolate Cream, Coconut Cream, Deep Dish Apple, Key Lime

Mikkelsen’s Pastry Shop

1068 Business Ln., #2, Naples
mikkelsenspastryshop.com
Varieties: Chocolate Cream, Mississippi Mud, Key Lime

Sandra’s Sweet & Savory

1100 6th Ave. S., Naples
sandras-sweet-and-savory-llc.square.site
Varieties: Key Lime, Raspberry Key Lime, Orange Key Lime, Gluten Free Granola Crust Key Lime, Banana Cream, Oreo Cookies & Cream, Andes Mint, Peanut Butter with Chocolate Ganache, Chocolate Mousse, Holiday Pumpkin Mousse, Chocolate Dipped Pie Slice on Stick

The Orange Blossom Pie Company

9144 Bonita Beach Rd. S.E., Bonita Springs
facebook.com/people/The-Orange
Blossom-Pie-Company
Varieties: Key Lime

Perkins American Food Co.

3585 Gateway Ln., Naples
perkinsrestaurants.com
Varieties: Lemon Meringue, Banana Cream, Caramel Apple, Cherry, Chocolate French Silk, Coconut Cream, Health Crunch Cheesecake, Homestyle Apple, Peanut Butter Silk, Wildberry

Costco

6275 Naples Blvd., Naples
10088 Gulf Center Dr., Fort Myers
costco.com
Varieties: Pumpkin, Pumpkin Cheesecake, Apple

Lily Paris Bakery

12995 S. Cleveland Ave., #142, Fort Myers
lilyparisbakery.com
Varieties: Key Lime, Fruit

Ori’s Bakery & Café

945 N. Collier Blvd., Marco Island
oriscafe.com
Varieties: Key Lime, French Silk, Apple Pie Cheesecake

The post Best Places to Buy Thanksgiving Pies Near Naples appeared first on SWFL Family.

So, what’s a planner-host to do? Intentionally stir up the event, of course! Here are a few ideas to spice up your Thanksgiving holiday celebration and make it more memorable and less frustrating.

• Switch up the meal. Who says Thanksgiving Day requires a stuffed turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, and that mysteriously delicious green bean casserole with the crispy onion strings on top? Nobody forces us to eat that meal, and though you may have one or two loud-mouthed outliers who balk at the idea of eating anything else on Thanksgiving, preparing and serving a giant turkey dinner is not a federal mandate. Why not serve something much easier to prepare? Fresh, local fish, a rack of ribs, or grilled steaks, for example. Or, better yet, ask each of your guests to bring a dish to share, with no requirements or instructions for a true pot luck. Heavy appetizers, dessert first, ethnic feasts, low country boil – the options for meal themes are endless!
• Switch up the location. We live in paradise! Why not forego a heavy meal altogether and do a picnic at the beach? Skip the stress, and say yes to a fun day with family recreating in one of the most beautiful places on earth – Southwest Florida beaches. There are also many area parks offering recreational spaces for large families with so many options for fun activities together that don’t revolve around a massive meal (one that inevitably took hours and hours to prepare). Alternatively, for those with family in the area, make Thanksgiving into a progressive dinner: appetizers at one house, dinner at the next, and dessert at the beach!
• Switch up the seating. Do you find that year after year your family gravitates to the same seats, often relegating children to an entirely different area of the house? Avoid a bit of relational tension (and encourage varied conversation) by integrating ages and seating event attendees at random. Have each person take a number when they arrive. Place corresponding numbers randomly around various seats, and have attendees find their seat based upon this random assignment. To keep people on their toes, make everyone switch seats at each course.
• Switch up the conversation. Rather than going around the table having each person say something for which they are thankful (though you could still do that, too), have each person come prepared with a question they’d like everyone at the table to answer. Some examples include: What’s a great memory you have from this year? What are you looking forward to about 2022? What goals do you have for the last four weeks of the year? Tell us something we might not know about your childhood. What will be your second career? What is something you’d like to learn how to do?
• Switch up the activities. Instead of sitting around in a tryptophan-induced stupor, prepare some simple games and intentional activities for the afternoon. Custom-written Mad Libs are always a good idea! Create a family trivia contest, spearhead some relay races, create a Lego building competition, set up a Thanksgiving-themed scavenger hunt, or sponsor a coloring contest or rock painting competition for all ages with interesting prizes. Create a raffle, and encourage your family and friends in attendance to enter by writing something for which they’re thankful or some sort of memory. Then, select a winner and have everyone guess who wrote the winning response. The internet is – of course – replete with ideas for ways to connect on Thanksgiving in fun and memorable ways.

The holidays often represent a source of both immeasurable joy and overwhelming stress. Our collective expectations often are unreasonably high. So, why not change the game a bit and keep your friends and family on their toes? It’s a no-brainer! And so, from all of us at Neapolitan Family, we wish you a happy and healthy Thanksgiving!

The post Thanksgiving Plot Twist: Switch Your Traditions for a More Satisfying Meal appeared first on SWFL Family.

How do we cultivate a sense of gratitude in our children? Christine Carter in her book Raising Happiness says, “Gratitude is a learned skill to be practiced like kicking a soccer ball or speaking French.” Here are eight ways you can help to build that skill in your child:

1. Be  a  good  role  model

Model “please” and “thank you” just the way you’d want to see it in your children. Children are keen observers of how you treat others in your life and naturally will follow your lead. When eating out, for example, your server may or may not notice whether you thank them as they present your meal, but your children definitely will. The importance of being a good role model cannot be overstated and may be one of the most important ways to encourage gratitude, so keep your thank yous at the ready.

2. Volunteer

Volunteering can contribute to well-being in multiple ways, including increasing self-confidence, providing a sense of purpose, and even improving physical health. There also is evidence to suggest that volunteering increases both gratitude and happiness. But there are even more benefits to volunteering. Depending on the activity, kids are given the opportunity to learn essential skills and increase their sense of responsibility. 

3. Chores

Believe it or not, doing chores can increase gratitude. By participating in housework, children get a firsthand look at what it takes to run a household. This can raise their awareness of what is being done for them on a day-to-day basis and can awaken a sense of gratitude.

4. Encourage  thank  you  notes

Hand-written thank you notes seem to be going out of style as our forms of communication become almost exclusively electronic. However, there still is something quite meaningful about writing and receiving a thank you the old fashioned way. If your child resists, try making sure they write a thank you note before using a gift. This will encourage even the most reluctant child to complete the notes.

5. Count  your  blessings

Whether at dinner or as a bedtime routine, each night have your children recount the best parts of their day. This can be a reminder that even a bad day had good points and help end the day on a positive note.

6. Work  for  it

Children can learn not only gratitude from earning some of their own possessions, but also a sense of responsibility. When they have worked for a toy or other item, they have a better sense of its value, potentially increasing their gratitude not just for that item but for their other possessions as well. 

7. Extending  thank  you

According to the Raising Grateful Children Project at University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, 85% of parents prompt their children to say thank you. But going beyond common manners can help increase gratitude. Try asking children how a gift makes them feel, or why they think they received the gift.

8. Look  on  the  bright  side

Try looking for the positive when things get hard. Asking yourself or your child what good could come out of a hard thing can help you see the best in situations and increase gratitude. Next time things aren’t going as expected, try to point out the bright side to your children. It might be helpful to your own mood, too.

All of these skills can help build gratitude in your child, which can lead to a happier overall child as well as a more resilient one. These are great skills to build not just at Thanksgiving but all year round.

Jill Morgenstern is a freelance writer, Jewish Sunday school teacher, and radio DJ. She has four children and a master’s degree in teaching reading.

The post Gratitude Project: Ways to Encourage Thankfulness in Children appeared first on SWFL Family.

Neapolitan Family talked with Trish Childress from Avow in Naples, FL about grief during the holidays. Childress is Avow’s director of supportive services and has been working with families dealing with grief for more than 25 years. She provides sage advice on what we can do to help someone grieving during this time, and how to deal with our own grief.

Listen. “Allow the person to share the memories of the people they’ve lost,” says Childress. “We don’t bring up death because we think it will upset them. They are already upset. Give people the space to share and express themselves. Asking about traditions and family memories will encourage healing.” Share your memories, too, and don’t shy away from the funny stories. “Humor is a tool for coping,” she says. “It’s okay to laugh, and it’s okay to cry, and sometimes we get that in the same sentence.”

Offer specific help. This time of year is so busy, and someone who is grieving already is stressed. The many tasks that come with the season can overwhelm someone experiencing grief. Childress recommends avoiding the common refrains: “If there is anything I can do” or “Call me if you need anything.” Instead, offer to take on specific duties, such as shopping, gift wrapping, or shipping packages. If the grieving person always bakes pies for a holiday meal, offer to make them yourself or supply the ingredients or assist with the baking. If they are hosting friends and family, offer to come early and stay late to help. If the person attends religious services, offer to go with them. “There are so many simple things you can do to make people feel supported,” she says.

 Be sure to ask if the person is comfortable having you perform a task. For example, “Some people might not want you to clean up,” Childress points out. “It’s about tapping into the sensitivity of the situation.”

If your offer is rejected, suggest an alternative, but don’t keep pushing them to accept, she advises.

Encourage rest. Grief brings on physical exhaustion, Childress says. “If a person is saying no to activities or events, they could be physically exhausted. With grief, people say ‘Stay positive, move on, remember the good times.’ That’s not comforting to us in the midst of our grief,” she says. “Every situation is different, but recognize that keeping one busy is not diverting someone from their grief. We don’t want to divert grief.”

Just be there. Childress says that offering to simply sit with someone grieving can be the most comforting thing you can do, even when you don’t know what to say. “I think the gift of being present is something that is immeasurable.”

Helping a child grieve

A child grieving during the holidays has different needs than an adult, and those needs also are age-dependent. 

“Children grieve differently at different developmental milestones,” Childress explains. For small children, adults have to be careful to leave the magic in Christmas without making the death of a loved mystical. To successfully walk this tightrope, she suggests using concrete terms when talking about death with young kids. “If we say we lost someone or they are in heaven, that can be very confusing for children,” she explains. “Santa is mystical but can’t bring back Mommy, Grandpa, or our pet. Parents want to make it all better, but our wording doesn’t make it better – it confuses them. Kids still have magical thinking, and they don’t have capability to understand that we lost Grandpa. They want to go find Grandpa. Children also can’t grasp the concept of heaven at a young age.”

Take the time to talk with relatives who may be visiting during the holidays about what terms you are using and how you have approached the topic of death with your child. “We still have grandparents who don’t use the words death, dying, or dead. Make the phone call ahead of time and say the child is grieving, and tell them what you are doing, so that you have that consistency among the adults,” Childress says.

For small children, she advises to be in the moment with them. “They might be tearful one second, and asking to open a gift in the next minute,” she says, adding that “I don’t feel there’s a vast difference in holiday time for them.”

Adolescents require more of an adult approach, and should be encouraged to talk about their grief and memories. They also can be involved with honoring their deceased loved one by establishing soothing rituals, such as lighting a candle, visiting the cemetery, or suggesting their own ideas.

Coping with your own grief

If you are the one who is grieving, Childress advises sharing your pain and experience with others. “Find that channel of family or friends to share your story.” If your family and friends are not supportive of this, “reach out to a professional to express yourself,” she recommends. 

Support groups can help, too. “For someone who has lost a spouse, support groups are important,” she says. “People feel as though they can’t bring up a deceased spouse when they socialize with friends who are couples.” Or an adult child will tell a parent that it makes them too sad to talk about their deceased parent.

Regardless of who you are able to share with, Childress says it is important to tell your story, even if it contains sadness and guilt. Many people harbor feelings of guilt – things they feel they should have done while their loved one was alive. “If you need to confront guilt, express those feelings,” she advises.

And, when well-intentioned friends extend invitations or offer help, “give yourself space to say no,” Childress says. “Allow yourself time to be able to rest from the physical and emotional exhaustion that you have.” 

Gift that honor

If you are struggling for gift ideas for someone who is grieving, Childress suggests doing something that honors the deceased, such as a planting a tree, printing and framing a special photo, or taking flowers to the cemetery. Or purchase a small gift that reflects a special interest of the deceased. If the person grieving enjoys reading, a book about grief is a good option. To the right is a list of books on grief and bereavement recommended by Avow.

The important thing to remember is that what comforts one person doesn’t necessarily comfort another. Take the time to ask your loved one what support they need.

“Grief is different for all of us, and we need to be sensitive to that,” Childress says. “Grief is so subjective, and there is no true timeline for that.”

Avow is a Naples-based nonprofit provider of hospice, palliative care, and grief support services. The Avow Kids program, designed for children ages 5-17, provides support for kids who are grieving. Avow also helps kids process and heal from other types of loss, including divorce, the loss of a friend, instability in the foster care system, and deployed parents and family members. Avow Kids hold in-person sessions, workshops, and camps in SWFL and online groups open to children and teens worldwide. There is never a cost for care. Visit https://avowcares.org or call 239-261-4404.

Recommended Reading

Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy, by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant 

The Year of Magical Thinking, by Joan Didion 

Resilient Grieving: Finding Strength and Embracing Life After a Loss That Changes Everything, by Lucy Hone, Ph.D. 

I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping, and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One, by Brook Noel and Pamela D. Blair, Ph.D. 

A Grief Observed, by C.S. Lewis 

On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss, by Elisabeth Kubler Ross and David Kessler 

Please Be Patient. I’m Grieving: How to Care For and Support the Grieving Heart, by Gary Roe 

When Bad Things Happen to Good People, by Harold S. Kushner 

When Things Fall Apart, by Perna Chodron 

It’s OK That You’re Not OK, by Megan Devine 

Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief, by Joanne Cacciatore, Ph.D. 

The Other Side of Sadness: What the New Science of Bereavement Tells Us About Life After Loss, byGeorge A. Bonanno 

How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies, by Therese A. Rando, Ph.D.

Healing the Adult Sibling’s Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas after Your Brother or Sister Dies, by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. 

The Empty Room: Understanding Sibling Loss, by Elizabeth DeVita-Raeburn 

Surviving the Death of a Sibling: Living Through Grief When an Adult Brother or Sister Dies, by T.J. Wray 

The Orphaned Adult: Understanding and Coping with Grief and Change After the Death of Our Parents, by Alexander Levy 

The post Holiday Grief: How to Celebrate the Holidays After a Recent Loss appeared first on SWFL Family.

Use politeness to downplay picky eating. Thanksgiving often centers on a formal meal that requires significant work. Many parents worry about offending the chef when a kid rejects a world-famous dish. Politeness is key. If your children are young, try to introduce Thanksgiving staples before November. Make sure they understand the importance of keeping negative comments about the food to themselves, saying please and thank you, and attempting polite conversation. Most of the time, guests won’t notice that your picky eater only has a roll and macaroni and cheese on his plate as long as he’s pleasant. Don’t be shy about providing dishes you know your children enjoy.

Keep kids busy. Many experts suggest involving kids in Thanksgiving preparation or giving them age-appropriate activities to keep them busy. Let them make placemats, set the table, or complete a Thanksgiving Day project. It’s unrealistic to expect them to remain seated and in good spirits for extended periods without an outlet. Try to find time to take a walk, throw a ball, or play a game to blow off steam. Invite others to join you so that you can talk and bond while the kids are playing.

Lower expectations. We often inform our kids about what to expect, but we don’t set our own intentions. Daisy Sutherland, author of 21 Ways to Enjoy A Stress-Free Holiday Season, says it’s very important “to remember that a great deal of the stress we feel at the holidays is of our creation.” In truth, very few of us have a Thanksgiving like those portrayed on commercials or in magazines. But by embracing imperfection, we can still have a wonderful holiday. Focus on what you value the most and let the rest go. Roll with the unexpected and watch your enjoyment increase and your stress decrease.

Disarm dysfunction. Your kids may be on their best behavior, but other guests may have forgotten their manners. Do your best to shake off any drama. You have no control over the behavior of others, but you can control your own reaction. Try to remember that your goal is to connect with family, so respond with kindness and deflection. Your kids are learning how to diffuse tension by watching you, so teach them to look at the big picture rather than overreacting to small annoyances. Losing your cool on a holiday that focuses on gratitude isn’t worth it.

Be proud of your parenting. A recent survey out of the University of Michigan found that nearly two-thirds of mothers felt criticized for their parenting, with the most concerns coming from family. On a day that brings many generations together, you may receive unsolicited parenting advice. Try to remember that the concerned family member is probably trying to gain involvement in your child’s life, however awkwardly. Because you may see this person only on special occasions, be careful that your response doesn’t divide a family already separated by physical distance. Alissa Marquess, author of Bounce Back Parenting: A Field Guide for Creating Connection, Not Perfection, suggests a quick, light response like, “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.” This restraint honors your love for the other person but makes it clear that you don’t intend to debate your choices. Know you are doing a great job, and change the subject to something more pleasant.

Focus on family. No matter what the day brings, being with those we love can be a rare blessing. It’s not every day that everyone is together at the same table, so pause and take it in. Sure, parts of the day may bring challenges. But take a step back from all of the work and juggling to see the day for what it is – an opportunity to see the people we value the most, some of whom may not live close by. Now is the time to share, catch up, and enjoy one another, warts and all.

Give back. Whether you deliver a pie to a neighbor, invite another family to dinner, rake leaves at a community center, or volunteer at a local shelter, do something nice for someone else as a family. The act of giving during the holiday season is likely to increase your own family’s genuine joy.

Cap it off with gratitude. After most of the activities have died down, talk to your child about gratitude, and remind her that the purpose of Thanksgiving is to count one’s blessings with those we love. Ask her to list a few things she is most grateful for and share some of your own to stress the true meaning of Thanksgiving.

Your table may not look like Martha Stewart’s, and your kids may shun the cranberry sauce, but that’s perfectly fine. Perhaps we put so much pressure on Thanksgiving because we want to recreate the nostalgia we’ve carried from childhood. The good news is that our kids will have similar special memories, and we need only to relax and let it happen. We may not remember every table setting or dish from our childhood Thanksgiving, but we remember the love and the warmth. So will our kids.

SHANNON DEAN is the mother of two. Following her son’s birth, five generations of family gathered at the Thanksgiving table.

The post Eight Tricks to a Trouble-Free Thanksgiving with Kids appeared first on SWFL Family.

Eat this, not that

“Thanksgiving is absolutely one of our favorite holidays, especially in terms of food,” says Caroline King, a mom of six children, ranging in age from four to 16. But, no one in the family really likes turkey all that much. “We spent years mak-ing the traditional feast, but always had a second or third ‘main side’ for the kids and that was just silly,” she says. King says her husband Rich does most of the cooking and decided one year to punt the turkey and try a roast pork tenderoin with chipotle wine sauce instead. “Everyone loved it – the adults and the kids. Now, it’s our go-to for Thanksgiving,” she says.

 Choose your own adventure

Jocelyn Chilvers says she and her hus-band Jim enjoy being spontaneous and cre-ative with the holiday. “It also helps that we like all kinds of food and find no appeal in eating the same dishes year after year,” Chilvers says. With families more far-flung than ever, not everyone is able to get together with extended family for the holiday. That’s one reason the Chilvers’ family chooses to surround themselves with good friends instead.For over 10 years, they’ve invited friends and neighbors over for a “Turkey Fry Open House” in their backyard from 9:30 a.m. to 3 p.m. on Thanksgiving day.

“We set up a turkey fryer on our lawn or driveway, away from any structures, and use a piece of drywall – pro tip! – as a base to catch any spills,” Chilvers says. The couple sends out invitations about two to three weeks in advance and friends can select a time when they’d like to fry their turkey or, in some cases, their chicken, game hen, or duck. Many guests show up just to socialize and enjoy beverages and light appetizers, often bringing their own foods to share. “This varies from cinnamon rolls and fresh fruit in the morning to stuffed jalape-ños and bruschetta in the afternoon,” Chilvers says. “It’s a very fluid event with folks coming and going throughout the day.”

No bluffing, baby

Some friendly competition in the form of board games and card games can bring generations of family members together. Anita Smith, a mom of two, says that she and her family like to play Texas Hold ‘Em each year after the big meal.Among the roughly 30 guests who attend the family’s annual Thanksgiving, about 10 like to circle around the card table to play a few hours of low stakes poker. “The big pot might be $3, but we act like it’s $500,” laughs Smith.The conversation and camaraderie make the game extra special. “It’s fun because it crosses all genera-tions,” she says. “We have the 80-year-olds, those of us in our 40s, and the kids playing.” Smith’s sons, Evan (15) and Collin (12), are the youngest players at the table.

She says that the game offers a natural segue into conversations between the older family members and her children. “My kids get to know them, their personalities, and stories from way back when.”

Fire up holiday spirit

Stacey Moorehead, a mom of six girls, says she and a group of families started the tradition of “Friendsgiving” five years ago on the day before Thanksgiving. The event is a fun way for the families to kick off the entire holiday season. The group gathers together with fall soups and foods, and the kids take part in a candy cane hunt. “Our many, many children all have a great time playing and running in our friends’ large backyard until the real show begins,” Moorehead says.The much anticipated “real show” is a fireworks event at a local lake. “We all load up, bundle up, pack hot chocolate and candy canes, and spend the evening watching fireworks,” Moorehead says. After that, the caravan drives through a Christmas in the Park holiday lights dis-play set to festive music at a nearby camp-ground. “What better way to start the holiday than with friends who truly are family,” she says.

You rebel, you

Families change and grow. Often what once worked well no longer makes sense for any number of reasons. Maybe you’re sick of making candied yams every year that no one eats. Or you daydream of skipping the cooking and cleaning for a relaxing family vacation on the beach instead.“It seems that a lot of people live under unrealistic expectations, especially when it comes to holidays,” King says. “The focus needs to be on family celebrating what they are thankful for, not to be stressed out that the green beans aren’t up to snuff. Make food that makes you happy, make your own traditions. At the end of the day, you will remember the laughs and time spent together.” 

So go ahead and resist! Rather than running yourself into the ground chasing society’s prescribed picture-perfect holiday, create a meaningful Thanksgiving tailored just for your special crowd. You will be grateful you did.

 CHRISTA MELNYK HINES loves spending Thanksgiving at home with her family. One year, she tried quitting the cranberry sauce that slides out looking like the can, but her husband rebelled. Holiday rogues must choose their battles wisely. 

The post Go a Little Rogue for a More Gratifying Thanksgiving appeared first on SWFL Family.