My husband and I have a very particular and passionate 5-year-old girl. We’re thankful and happy and, as such, time seems to be hurtling forward at a rapid rate. As soon as I fully appreciate any given stage, it slips through my fingers like beach sand – completely gone before I’ve realized there was hardly any sand left to hold onto. These happy, golden days, replete with hilarious antics, blissfully unaware dance moves, and secret family catchphrases, pass so quickly. In all our harried busy-ness, I’ve always longed to better savor moments and figure out how to bottle my blessings. I always wondered how I could stop time.
Enter March and April 2020. Currently, time stands still, the days repeat themselves in a Groundhog Day-esque plot, and our little family of three takes up all the space we can possibly inhabit, cozied up at home and trying desperately to create a new, workable rhythm.
We’re all trying to hold on to some small shred of our personal sanity. Not too many of us wanted to so-unexpectedly homeschool our children. A lot of us aren’t working at all and feel very pressing financial strains. We’re suddenly forced into roles we didn’t choose – roles we (may) already detest, roles that stress us out and strain our relationships, or even roles we may enjoy under different circumstances. The work-from-home mom, the homeschool dad, the short-order chef, the furloughed employee, the frustrated yeller, the sneaky treat eater, the desperate toilet-paper seeker, the briber, the snack regulator, the neighborhood ornithologist, the blanket-fort architect, the tyrannical autocrat, the exasperated mom who rips her hair out and declares Movie Marathon Monday.
And yet, we’ve all learned a lot from quarantine. We’ve learned about ourselves and our families. Yes, many of us experience daily frustrations, but there is a way to make meaning out of this time and find things for which to be thankful. As we cope with the demands of our new world, we adjust and find ways to make it work.
Courtney Newbery, a Naples mom of four (ranging in age from 3 to 9), is focusing on creating inner peace, which sets the tone for her day. “I’m starting each morning by writing down what I’m thankful for and praising God. It impacts my day in a positive way when I choose to be grateful. I’m trying hard not to complain. When I am tempted to gripe about our current circumstances, I try to say something encouraging instead. As a result, my kids have a better attitude – gratitude really is contagious.”
Sally Carpenter, a local mom of three young children (3, 4, and a first-grader), finds solace and release through hard labor. She and her family have been quarantined for four weeks, and she only leaves her house to do Walmart grocery pickup. Her husband works nights as an ICU nurse at NCH – he’s on the front lines. In the midst of homeschooling two children and caring for a toddler, she finds time to step outside and work on taking down an overgrown traveler’s palm tree in her side yard. “Whenever I get overwhelmed and stressed – when it seems like the walls of my home are closing in on me, I take a pickax and reciprocating saw and work at chopping down the side yard tree.”
Kelly Eastman, a mom of five children ranging from 4 years old to middle school, said the energy at home has changed over these past weeks. For now, she isn’t working, and
she’s found that she loves being home without having to run in a million directions because of work, feeding a family of seven, and extracurricular activities. “And, when things get negative inside in one way or another between my children, I have the energy to demand that my children get up and come outside to play soccer with me or shoot hoops in the driveway because I’m not working right now. There is always something for which our family can give thanks – even in the strangest of circumstances.”
“My kids seem much happier with fewer places to be,” said Angie Grows, a Naples mom of three boys. “I’ve learned that we’re adaptable, and we can do hard things. Not everyday is sunshine and roses. I’ve yelled at my kids, grown grumpy about not having time to myself, and gotten annoyed with my husband being at home all day. However, this experience has shown me that our family needed to slow down.”
Lauren York is a local mom of two and a Collier County Public Schools teacher. Her children thrive on routine, so she’s worked hard to create structure over the past weeks at home.
“We created a schedule and checklist that made working through the school work manageable,” York explained. “Having the kids help create both made them more accountable for their time and work. I set lots of timers through Alexa, and when the timer goes off, I stop and move on.”
Sarah Lee, a Marco Island mom of three, gives her kids a “To Do” list each day, and they aren’t allowed any type of screen time until the list is complete. “It helps with wasting time,” Lee said. “I include simple things like making their beds, brushing their teeth, putting laundry away, or taking out the trash. The list changes every day, but it helps us keep up a meaningful routine and set the tone for our day.”
Regarding the Lee kids’ schooling, the parents focus on giving the children purpose through the experience, even in light of huge personality differences. “One of my children is super motivated, and homeschooling is a dream,” Lee said. “For my other school-aged child, it is a nightmare because of lack of initiative and issues with linear, written direction. I’ve given calming routines for him, daily checking of crab traps and debugging his garden (see photo on page 11), for example,” she explained. Like many other families, exercise has been essential. “PE time is an absolute must; it’s life-giving for me as much as for anyone else in my family!”
Jenna Barry, a local mom of three, explained that her attitude impacts her family, and a calming presence is essential right now. “My kids feel my stress level, whether I verbally express it or not. Our kids look to parents for clues on how to respond to unknown situations. We’ve loved having less activities and being home more. The cliché that less is more is very true for our family. It’s helped me to maintain an even keel, thereby helping my kids’ overall attitudes.”
“I make sure to praise my daughter’s positive attitude and highlight how hard she’s trying,” said Lauren Odod, a Golden Gate Estates mom of three. “I try to get her to do as many of her assignments before lunch as possible. We take GoNoodle (kids’ fitness videos on YouTube) breaks, and making learning fun is always my priority.”
We are all in the process of figuring out what works, how to create meaning, what to make for dinner, how to pay our bills, and how to remain safe during this time. In the end, we are all in places we didn’t want to be, doing things we didn’t really want to do. However, we have tremendous opportunity to create meaning for our children, make rich memories,
and strengthen our most precious relationships. And, always remember, you’re not a bad mom if you turn on Disney+ every day.