Recently, our beloved family pet, Scooter, lost her battle with a chronic illness. When it came time to say goodbye, our whole family experienced profound grief. It was devastating!
When I learned that research has shown that losing a pet can be just as painful as losing a relative or friends, I was not surprised.
As we dealt with our grief, a few things made the experience a tiny bit more bearable. If your family is facing or has faced the loss of a pet, then perhaps these things will help you cope with pet loss grief. My hope is that you and your kids may find comfort, too.
Maintain routines with your other pets
If you have other living pets, then try to maintain their rou-tines. Remember they are grieving the loss of a companion, too. Animals, like kids, thrive on routine and structure. So it is im-portant to walk and feed them at the same time as usual. Also, be understanding about any behavior changes, such as hiding, that may be their way of dealing with the loss.
Memorialize your pet
As time passed, our family was able to deal with our grief by memorializing Scooter’s memory. I gave each of my children picures of them with her. My daughter displayed them on her desk while my son quietly kept them in a stack by his bedside. I made a photo book of all our pictures of her. Both the process of creat-ing the book and the end result were cathartic. Finally, our family decided we wanted to display her footprints the vet had cast on her last day. We see them daily in a special place.
Books
My daughter and I checked out many books from the library on losing a pet. The children’s librarian was so helpful in this re-gard, guiding us toward books that were the appropriate level for my daughter and not too babyish.In particular, I liked a non-fiction book that had short, sim-ple ways to grieve called, “Healing Your Grieving Heart for Kids”. It wasn’t aimed at pet loss in particular, but it was helpful in pro-viding acceptance of grief and ways to survive/manage it.
Toys for stress relief
My daughter packed me a care package to take to work after Scooter died. It had lovely smelling thinking putty that I pulled out and sniffed, plus a squishy toy that I pressed. I didn’t think these things would help, but they did. When I got sad, they took my mind off my grief and focused it on the sensation of smell-ing or touching. Plus, it touched me so much that my daughter wanted to help me with my sadness!
Talking or not talking about it
Personally, I needed to talk about Scooter. Her good quali-ties, fond memories, even the events of her last weekend and hav-ing to take her to the vet. Talking helped me. Meanwhile, it did not help my husband or my daughter with their pet loss grief. They did not want to talk about it as it made them too sad.You will find what works for you, and know that it might not be the same for everyone.
Loving againAbout two months after Scooter was gone, we realized that it was not so painful to think about cats anymore. And while we missed Scooter, we also missed having a furball around to love. There are so many cats who need homes that we decided to adopt two cats together. These two do not replace Scooter, but they make our hearts swell again.I hope that if you have lost a pet, that you have found your way back to a good place again. Other people who have lost a pet get it; don’t worry about those who do not understand.
KATY CLARK is the Experienced Bad Mom blogger, and can be found at experiencedbadmom.com.
Where to Find Financial Assistance
When your pet needs life-saving veterinary care to diag-nose and treat a disease, the cost can run hundreds or thou-sands dollars per month. Unfortunately, many people are forced to either euthanize their pet or surrender their pet to a shelter because they are unable to pay the bills. Here are some vet bill assistance resources, who also take donations.
Paws 4 a Cure • www.paws4acure.org. This organization helps cats and dogs regardless of breed, age, or diagnosis. Pet “parents” with a limited ability to pay for care may qualify for assistance with vet bills.
Brown Dog Foundation, Inc. • www.browndogfoundation.org. If your pet is diagnosed with an illness and is likely to respond well to treatment, but you don’t have the funds avail-able to cover the vet bill, turn to the Brown Dog Foundation. It was created to help pets whose families aren’t able to do so themselves.
The Pet Fund • www.thepetfund.com. While expenses are an inevitable part of the responsibil-ity of owning companion animals, The Pet Fund assists owners in covering medical costs of chronic conditions beyond the normal expenses of vaccination, spay and neuter surgeries, food, and routine veterinary care.
Magic Bullet Fund • themagicbulletfund.org. This fund assists with cancer treatment bills for dogs.
• If your children are older, encourage them to have a say in the decision to end your pet’s suffering and to accompany your pet to the vet so they can see that euthanasia is peaceful and not painful. For younger children, being honest about the pet’s future and reassuring them that their pet will not feel fear or pain is just as important.
• Have a memorial service for your pet. Family and friends can write letters about their favorite memories with the pet and read them aloud.
• Donate to a local animal shelter or a vet bill relief organization in memory of your loved one.
• If possible, make a paw print of your pet prior to their passing, and frame it. Many pet cremation services offer a ceramic paw print plate or memento as an option
.• Purchase a wooden urn for your pet’s ashes with an engraved image or a photo frame.• Plant a tree at your pet’s burial site of their body or their ashes.
• Honor your pet by adopting a rescue pet.
Ways to fill the pet void before you are ready to add a new member to the family
• Volunteer as a family at a shelter or rescue.
• Go to a Pups ‘n’ Books event at the Collier County Library to read to PAWS Assistance Dogs.
• Offer to pet sit or walk a neighbor’s dog.