Grandparents don’t have it easy though. How do you determine the best role you as a grandparent can play in a situation as fluid and stressful as raising special needs children? After all, family dynamics aren’t always the easiest to figure out. Experts cite six key areas where grandparents can help offset parental challenges and positively influence grandchildren with developmental disabilities and other special needs.

Emotional Support

Comfort and Understanding: Instead of trying to fix problems, the best thing a grandparent can say is, “I understand. Is there anything I can do that won’t make the situation worse?” Just being there and listening means more to parents than you know. 

Encouragement and Advocacy: I always appreciate it when my mom sends me articles about how to help my children or shares examples of how other parents are navigating educational systems. This type of encouragement keeps me informed and helps me advocate for my child in various settings.

Practical Assistance

Childcare: This is a no brainer. Special needs parents need breaks and time for self-care. If you can just take your grandkids, even for an hour, it would give your child the time they need to simply breathe, get things done, get exercise, etc. 

Transportation: Another no brainer! Shuttling kids seems so simple, but it’s exhausting. Perhaps once a week if you are local consider offering to take your grandchild to PT, OT, school, or wherever they need to go. If grandchildren need car seats, be willing to have them in your car to alleviate the burden of moving gear around. 

Household Support: I tell my family all the time, “I am not an octopus!” Yet the demands of special needs parenting do require more than two hands so if you can help with things like cooking, cleaning, and errand-running, that would alleviate the nagging pressure parents put on ourselves. 

Financial Support

Monetary Assistance: Let’s face it. Care is expensive and the care for special needs children is massive. All the supports – from physical therapy to occupational therapy, from medical to mental, the bills just add up so whatever you can contribute financially, without strings — just alleviates burden. 

Resource Management: And if money is not an option, then help parents navigate financial resources, such as applying for government assistance or finding grants and scholarships for special needs services.

Social and Recreational Involvement

Inclusive Activities: Engage grandchildren in enjoyable and beneficial activities for their development, promoting socialization and learning in a relaxed environment. For instance, have you set up a grandparent playdate for your grandchildren? Get some of your favorite grandparent friends and invite them over with their grandchildren to play!

Understand the Toys: Toys and activities may be different than what you’re used to. For instance, toys with screens are less beneficial than toys that encourage core strength. Going to the movies may require you select a sensory-friendly showtime. Beef up on the toys and activities that can truly help your grandchild learn and grow in the ways that make sense for them. I love this quote from Michael J. Fox: “If a child can’t learn the way we teach, maybe we should teach the way they learn.” The same thought applies to play. 

Family Traditions: Be inclusive! Your grandchild may not be able to participate in traditions the way you hoped they would, but they can do A LOT. Find ways to integrate them into the planning and executing holiday dinners and other family traditions. For instance, my daughter didn’t have a long enough attention span to participate in cooking a full recipe but she loved kneading dough and decorating spaces so those were her jobs (and we made sure bread was always part of our family dinner table). 

As a parent of children with special needs, I can’t emphasize enough how valuable it is for grandparents to be involved. While there will always be some level of an “I can do it myself” mindset, the truth is today’s parents can’t do it all—it’s just not feasible. 

My parents provided daycare for my oldest child during the first year of her life, came for visits and dinner on a regular basis, and regularly inquired as to my children’s welfare. Having them in my village gave me mental comfort, physical relief, opportunities for my own self-care, and more. Not only that, but it gave my children the comfort and knowledge that they had their own village of reliable and loving caregivers. 

It also provided intangible benefits such as improved emotional stability, enhanced mental health, increased self-worth, higher academic achievement, and better social skills — all things that you can’t necessarily measure but that are worth their weight in gold. 

Susan Abrams Speech Pathologist of ‘The Social Coach’ shares, “grandparents often provide a sense of security and unconditional love. Their presence can allow their grandchildren to feel emotionally grounded, especially during challenging times. Grandparents play a pivotal role and contribute significantly to the social and emotional growth of their grandchildren.”

As a grandparent, if you are unsure of how to engage, just ask. Consider asking your adult children, “What is the best way to support you?” Allow your children the time and space to consider your question and come back to you with thoughtful answers. 

Now, go. Your grandchildren await. 

Upcoming Event:

This article was submitted with permission from the author by Susan Abrams, M.A. CCC-SLP, a  speech-language pathologist and the founder of The Social Coach, LLC. With a career dedicated to supporting children with special needs, Abrams has made contributions to the field through her innovative programs and initiatives. She developed Parent University and Be Social Kids, which empower parents and children with practical strategies for success.

Meredith Conte is a seasoned media industry professional with over 20 years of experience. Based in Naples, she writes with a focus on personal narrative, cultural insights, and emotionally driven storytelling.

The post A Grandparent’s Guide to Supporting Neurodiverse Grandchildren with Love and Patience appeared first on SWFL Family.

Lynch is one of more than 2.3 million grandparents in the United States who are responsible for caring for their grandchildren. And that number is rapidly increasing. 

Parental substance abuse, incarceration, and death of a parent are some of the many reasons grandparents are raising their grandkids. But two recent crises have forced a spike now. COVID-19 has made at least 140,000 children orphans, according to a statement before the Senate Special Committee on Aging. The opioid epidemic also has greatly increased the number of grandparents stepping in to parent.

Love, adventures, and challenges

September 10 is National Grandparents Day, but for Gianna, Mother’s Day is more appropriate. Gianna was just a year old when Lynch began caring for her. It’s now been eight years of love, adventures, and challenges.

The Naples duo began their story by sharing the fun times. They recently returned from a summer vacation in the Bahamas, where they swam with sharks, stingrays, turtles, and wild pigs. They scrolled through photos on their phone recalling all the fun times they had. 

“She was scared of the pigs, but I wasn’t,” Gianna described.

Last summer they went to Costa Rica. They are planning a trip to Alaska for next summer.

“We like to swim together,” Gianna said. “And we love to go to the mall. We like eating there. I like Chick-fil-A and the grilled cheese place.”

Gianna calls Lynch Mom Mom. Lynch’s husband died years ago. Now she lives with her wife, Monica Smith, who Gianna calls Yaya.

A grandparent’s life journey often takes an unplanned detour when they step in to parent a grandchild. While Lynch loves being Gianna’s parent, there are challenges.

“I had just married Monica, and then this happened,” Lynch began. “It was not something we planned on. Unfortunately, my daughter had addiction problems for many years, and things were not good, and the other parent was not in the picture.”

When the Florida Department of Children and Families called, Lynch didn’t hesitate to agree to care for her grandchild.

 “DCF was very happy when I said ‘yes’ because they don’t have that all the time,” Lynch explained. “There are a lot of grandparents who don’t have the ability”

Lynch had to find daycare quickly for the 1-year-old since she and Smith both work at Moorings Park, Lynch as an executive director and Smith as a nurse.

“First we went through guardianship and worked toward the adoption,” she explained. “It is not an easy process. That is why a lot of grandparents can’t do this. If you don’t have the resources it can be very limiting, so we were lucky.”

Financial concerns

Caring for a grandchild is expensive. Raising a child from birth to age 18 costs about $310,000, or $17,000 a year, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture. For senior citizens who rely on Social Security to pay the bills or for those who saved for their retirement but not for raising another child, this becomes quite difficult.

That’s why Tina Tusack of Fort Myers teamed up with CeAnne Kaiser to create Family Haven Foundation, a nonprofit aimed at helping grandparents and great-grandparents who are raising children. They realized that raising a grandchild can cause significant stress due financial concerns, physical limitations, and transitioning to a new way of life.

“We just want to help these grandparents,” Kaiser said. “They are the unspoken heroes who are helping their grandchildren and great-grandchildren.”

The group holds fundraisers including a yearly golf tournament and a 50/50 drawing. They use the money raised to help these grandparents and great grandparents with everything from utility bills to school fees to healthcare. 

“We are talking about 80-year-olds taking care of 2-year-olds, and they are trying to live off Social Security,” explained Kaiser.

Kaiser described helping some Naples great-grandparents who suddenly were caring for toddler twins.

 “They had no help, no advice, no place to turn,” she explained.

Starting over

Raising grandchildren means life changes.

“It is kind of like starting over,” said Tusack, who is raising her 7-year-old granddaughter. “A retirement, I don’t see that in my future. We have to put another one through college.”

Lynch, 58, agrees. 

“Probably 10-12 more years to afford getting her through school and college,” she said about working. “It does change your future.”

There were other life-changing decisions made when suddenly raising a grandchild. Lynch chose to move to a community in Naples with more children.

“We were drawn here because there were so many kids, and we felt we should move somewhere with a lot of kids,” Lynch said. “Without her we definitely would have been in a different community.”

 Lynch also is trying to keep up with technology.

“I am not up on all the tech stuff,” she explained. “I feel that I am not a good resource for her because I don’t have an Apple watch and I don’t have an iPad. I use my computer for work, and I keep up with the things I need for work.”

There are even more challenges.

“Homework is really hard,” she admitted. “It is not the way we used to do things.”

Then there is the exhaustion.

“For me, personally, and Monica, we work all day, we have afterschool care, we pick her up at 6 o’clock, and we have to do dinner and homework,” she described. “So that is a challenge for me because I am tired. I fall asleep in the chair after I put her to bed because I am so tired. I wish there was more support. I don’t have the patience I used to have, but I am wiser. I think I can handle things a lot better because I have the experience, but with my age, it tries my patience a little more.”

Lynch did start a support group in Naples in 2017, but turned it over to https://valerieshouse.orgValerie’s House a few years later.

Things are good now for the Lynch family. Lynch was able to formally adopt Gianna in December 2019. Lynch’s daughter is now doing well and is able to spend time with Gianna, and Lynch is enjoying being the parent that Gianna needs.

“I am one of those people who believe things happen for a reason,” Lynch said. “Just that special bond makes me feel so good. It is a tighter bond. It inspired me to stay in shape and keep my health and wellness. I want to keep healthy for her. The things we do together are very special, and she is very loving and affectionate, and that is the way I am. She will reach out and hold my hand, so it makes you feel like you are making a positive impact. We are in such a good place now. She does see her mother, but she wants to come back here. Here is home.”

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Imagine your pre-teen or teen hearing these magic words: no siblings to share Grandma or Grandpa’s attention, and no annoying parents to cramp their style. Does it get sweeter than that? 

I first met such a duo in the Galapagos Islands a decade ago. The grandmother had already taken each of her first two grandchildren on personal dream trips for their twelfth birthdays. One was a football weekend, and the other was a shopping trip to New York City. But the youngest dreamed of getting eyeball to eyeball with blue-footed boobies and sweet, playful fur seals in the Galapagos Islands, and so they did. 

Grandparent bonding trips were still a novel idea back then, and those two giggled, oohed, aahed, and photographed their way through a week of serious bonding.

Making life-long memories

I don’t have grandchildren but I was lucky enough to do this with my own kids as they were growing up. Not quite as perfect maybe, but 100% one-on-one attention is never a bad thing. The destination can be as close as a spa weekend at a Naples resort, as exotic as a cruise through Alaska’s Inside Passage, or as remote as a rainforest in Costa Rica. And it’s so easy! Just connect with the highest rated family-friendly tour operator you can find so all your energy can be spent playing, hugging, and making lifelong memories. 

Among my all-time favorites is Tortuga Lodge in the Costa Rican rainforest.

Costa Rica is dream destination for adventurous kids, and top-ranked Costa Rica Expeditions orchestrates every miniscule detail, from logistics to personalized menus, for you and your lucky grandchild. They handle adventures and accommodations all over Costa Rica, but for families, I just love this one. The architecture is storybook Costa Rican-rustic, complete with wide porches and hammocks. Inside, the adorable décor includes nice linens, modern baths and amenities. There’s even a penthouse suite, if you wish. 

On property are boardwalks through the rainforest, a cool swimming pool, and trees populated by three-toed sloths, howler monkeys that bellow like elephants, and outrageously colorful dart frogs. Off property, kids can help teach English to local villagers, go on private turtle nesting walks on remote beaches, or kayak on the mysterious Tortuguero River, where otters play and strange basilisk lizards walk on water. The food is yummy, with recipes from native Costa Rican grandmothers. 

The customized three-day packages are a bargain at $598 to $1070 per person, transportation included. 

Visit tortugalodge.com and costaricaexpeditions.com.

Karen T. Bartlett is Travel Editor of Neapolitan Family.  She is the author of 11 destination travel books, and publisher of the award-winning books, A (mostly) Kids’ Guide to Naples, Marco Island & The Everglades, and A (mostly) Kids’ Guide to Sanibel & Captiva Islands and the Fort Myers Coast.

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Parkside is fortunate to have a team of dedicated and hardworking administrators, teachers and support staff, headed by principal Tamie Stewart. In her third year as principal, Stewart already can point to important accomplishments. Most significantly, Parkside was one of only two schools in Florida to improve its state ranking last year from an “F” to a “C”. 

The school also has added new activities, designed to provide opportunities for learning and fun that many other Collier County schools already enjoy. Such initiatives include the East Naples Kiwanis-sponsored “BUG” Program (Bring-Up-Your-Grades) involving 200 students, grades two through five, through extracurricular reading; and the recent establishment of a Publishing Center, which encourages students to share their writings with friends and family. 

Volunteers needed

Supporting the efforts of the staff are Parkside’s volunteers. One of the most significant efforts at the school recently has been the recruitment of more volunteers, principally retirees. Parkside’s long-term goal is finding a volunteer for each of school’s classes in every grade, ranging from preschool to fifth grade. The particular need is for enthusiastic, giving adults who will “adopt” classes as their own for at least three hours once per week during normal school hours (9 a.m. to 2:40 p.m.). 

Many volunteer opportunities exist in the classroom, assisting the teacher through group or individual tutoring, reading, and writing, as well as in the media center, the publishing center, or participating in field trips. Volunteers choose the time and grade that suit their schedules and comfort levels.

Parkside students need adult role models and are starved for grandparents.We invite any adult to consider becoming a volunteer at this unique school. To arrange a personal, nonobligatory “get-acquainted” visit to the school, contact Tom Gemmer at 239-377-8900. 

Having been a second grade school volunteer for the past 12 years, with the last two years at Parkside Elementary, I continue to be amazed by the many joys of my volunteer experience. It has been an extremely rewarding experience.

Rainer Olbrich, “Opa” retired from banking and lives in Naples with his wife Yuly. Rainer has four grandchildren–3 in CCPS’s–and is an avid community and school volunteer.

The post ​Collier Grandparents Making Huge Difference at Parkside Elementary appeared first on SWFL Family.

My paternal grandmother, Ida Wallace, died last year on Valentine’s Day. My son was only a year old at the time. Luckily, I have pictures of them together. In fact, the last picture taken of her while she was alive was with my son. However, I knew my son would never remember her, so I began writing him a letter detailing everything I remembered about Grandma Wallace. I wrote about her award-winning “Wallace rolls” that she made every Thanksgiving and Christmas. I also wrote about her love for cats. I remember she kept a cat cookie jar on the kitchen counter. My sister and I would sneak cookies from that jar every time she wasn’t looking. We thought we were so sly, but later we learned that Grandma knew and would keep the cookie jar filled just for us. I also wrote about her beautiful garden filled with brilliant colors and familiar smells.

But, then I paused. I couldn’t remember anything else about her. I didn’t know anything personal about Grandma Wallace. I put down the pen and cried. I felt like I had lost Grandma all over again. In that moment, I realized I would never have the opportunity to really know her first-hand.

In my quest to learn more about Grandma Wallace, I flew to California to stay with my Grandpa, Newt Wallace. Their house felt empty even though I saw Grandma everywhere. I saw her sitting on the sofa covered in one of the many quilts she made, I saw her cooking her famous rolls in the kitchen where a clock with the words “Ida’s Kitchen” still hung, and I vividly saw her tending to her flowers that were now dying and overgrown by weeds. Those few days I spent with Grandpa were emotionally rough, but they were also a blessing. Grandpa showed me family photo albums, letters he wrote to Grandma during their courtship, and awards she had won over the years including Citizen of the Year. We also visited Grandma’s grave together. In the process, he taught me about our family lineage.

Spending those few precious days with Grandpa taught me about his character. Like our ancestors, he has continually fought for our freedom. Not only did he serve in Bermuda, he is a veteran of protecting our right to free speech. Grandpa Wallace built a successful newspaper company with hard work and dedication. For 65 years he’s had the courage to publish the truth, as he sees it, in spite of the numerous threats that have been made against him. His passion for freedom is echoed in his own words: “I think the printed word is one of God’s gifts to free men.”

His courage earned him a spot at the White House dinner table. He was among a handful of newspaper publishers who were invited to dine with President John F. Kennedy. He’s now 93 years old and rides his bike to work every day. He still works for the newspaper that he built and later sold. He sits at a wooden desk and writes his articles using the same 1920s typewriter. Thankfully, I have a picture of Grandpa teaching my son how to use that vintage typewriter. And, he still drives to the neighboring city to deliver newspapers. In fact, he was featured on the county phone book as the oldest paperboy in America.

Above all, I learned that Grandpa Wallace is a man of integrity, discipline, and chivalry. Throughout his life, he woke up every day and did whatever had to be done for his family, for God, and for his country. He has always lived within his means, never asking for anything. He’d rather go without than ask someone for a favor or a handout. In other words, he is a true American patriot. In short, Grandpa Wallace is my role model. Learning about his accomplishments and his character has made me strive to become a better person.

I never took the time to know my maternal grandfather, Bud Andersen, although my sister and I did spend time with him growing up. I remember the smell of his pipe and how much he loved fishing on his boat. He always had the most obedient German Shepherds, which he trained himself.  Grandfather Andersen loved Easter. He would write a dollar amount on each egg. After we gathered all of the eggs we had to add up our earnings, which he would pay us in coins.

Grandfather Andersen perhaps was best known for his oranges, which he sold at the local farmers market. Grandfather Andersen unknowingly shaped my career. He passed when I was in high school. But, I remember how people spoke about him with a deep respect. He was a veterinarian, but also earned a PhD and a Masters degree.

Additionally, he wrote several books about the reproductive system of the beagle. One Christmas, he gave our entire family copies of his new book. I remember one of my relatives opening the book and saying, “Well, I can’t understand it but it sounds good.” Everyone laughed. I remember thinking I was going to study science so that one day I could understand his book and have a scientific conversation with him. That moment shaped my life forever. It motivated me to earn my doctoral degree. He passed away before we could have that conversation, but science has forged a bond between my Grandfather Andersen and me that can never be broken.

Grandfather and Grandmother Andersen took my sister and me to our first opera. We must have been six and eight years old. I don’t remember much about the opera, but I do remember getting dressed up in the most beautiful dress that a six-year-old could imagine. We felt so special that night. My grandparents had given us a taste of something we never knew existed.

One of my happiest childhood memories was spending the night at their house. Every night after dinner we had vanilla ice cream with Hershey’s syrup. Then, we’d all watch The Love Boat while Grandma brushed our hair 100 times each. I will always remember Grandma Andersen’s angel food cake. I used to request it for my birthday parties even as a young child. Recently, she passed the recipe down to me.

Perhaps most importantly, it was through Grandma Andersen that history came alive for me. She was living on Hickam Air Force Base when Pearl Harbor was attacked. She rarely speaks of that day. However, one time she shared the story of how she and her mother were preparing breakfast in anticipation of the arrival of family friends who were flying in to visit.

Suddenly, they heard sirens. There were no shelters so they stayed in their house and periodically came out onto the porch to watch the bombing. Even though she was right next to the bombing, she wasn’t afraid. She told me, “My father was there and I knew he would take care of it.” He kept her safe. However, later she would learn that her friends never made it. They were shot down.

Suddenly, Pearl Harbor wasn’t just another date in history I had to memorize for school. It was a day of challenge and resolve. It was a day that would shape my Grandma’s character forever. She is a strong, independent woman who loves our country deeply. Her husband passed 18 years ago and she has been taking care of their 20-acre ranchette ever since. At 86 years of age she pulls the weeds, mows the lawn, sweeps the porch, and kills the rattlesnakes. Yet, she makes time to volunteer at church and the library, and to care for her friends and family members who have not faired as well as she has through the years. She is the epitome of loyalty. If I am lucky enough to have a daughter some day, I hope she is the mirror image of my Grandmother Andersen.

Grandparents are the windows to our past and, through their experiences, the keys to our future if we choose to grab them. Aside from teaching me about discipline and charity through their example, my grandparents have taught me to never take life for granted, to care for those you love as well as your neighbors, and the importance of passing our heritage onto our children. After all, our children know our grandparents mainly through our memories. My wish is that your memories of your grandparents are as rich as mine have become.

Dr. Sina McCullough has a PhD in Nutrition and Exercise from the University of California at Davis. She is a freelance writer and nutrition consultant (www.personalizeyourdiet.com).

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