“Everyone has ADHD behavior at times,” said Dr. Sarah Cheyette, a pediatric neurologist and author of the book ADHD & The Focused Mind. Cheyette says the difference between a person with ADHD and other people is that the person with ADHD is unfocused too much of the time.

“There are differences between a child and a teen with ADHD,” Cheyette says. When a younger child has ADHD, parents tend to be more forgiving and helpful with their unfocused behaviors. A teen with ADHD may want their independence but lack the skills to focus and control their impulses. This can lead to more severe consequences than when they were younger. But parents can help their teens with ADHD improve their focus.

5 Ways to Improve Focus for Kids with ADHD

1. Positive thinking

Help your teen reframe their thoughts about certain tasks. For example, if they don’t like doing homework, encouraging them to change their mindset can help improve their focus. Reframe the negative thought (“I don’t want to do my homework”) in a more positive light (“Finishing my homework will make me feel good about this class”).

Praising their accomplishments can also help teens to think positively and improve their confidence. “Helping teens to look for their positive traits can help their overall self-esteem,” explained Eliana Walter, MS, LGPC, a counselor at B’MORE Mental Health and Wellness, LLC in Baltimore, MD.

2. The right surroundings

Emily, a parent of a 14-year-old son diagnosed with ADHD, has found that choosing the right environment helps her son’s mindset. “I encourage him to stay after school to do his homework,” she says. “This way he doesn’t become distracted by things at home, like his phone, and he can receive help from his teachers.”

It’s also important for teens to have people on their side who provide encouragement and understanding. “Support systems can help teens by accepting them for who they are and having realistic expectations,” said Walter.

3.  Healthy lifestyle choices

Cheyette also stresses the importance of a healthy lifestyle. Eating right, getting enough sleep and making time to exercise all contribute to improved focus for teens with ADHD. Sleep problems can lead to issues with memory and impulse control for any child, but especially kids with ADHD.

Jen, a parent to a 12-year-old daughter diagnosed with ADHD, knows the importance of eating healthy and getting enough sleep. Her daughter experiences intense mood swings and an inability to deal with stress when she doesn’t eat or sleep well.

“Sleep is often challenging for those with ADHD, partially due to medication side effects, and also because of the ADHD brain having trouble ‘shutting down’ at night,” said Sheryl Jacobs, PhD, a clinical psychologist in Pikesville, MD. “Appropriate sleep hygiene is so critical – like turning off screens an hour before bedtime [and] listening to a calming meditation or sleep machine.”

4. Setting goals

Setting goals can help teens with ADHD improve their focus, and achieving their goals will help them feel successful, according to Cheyette.

While parents may be tempted to nag their child to make sure they are working toward their goals, it is important for teens to own their goals.

But you can still help them. “Make observations and ask questions,” Cheyette recommended. “If you notice your son’s backpack is a mess, instead of saying, ‘You need to organize your backpack,’ try saying, ‘It must be difficult to find your homework when your backpack looks like this’.”

Once you’ve framed the problem, she says, “Ask questions such as, ‘How can you help yourself?’ or ‘How can you act differently next time?’ to allow your child to think about and own their
behaviors.

Walter suggested helping teens break down tasks into smaller steps to “help them learn and succeed in their environment.”

It’s also important for them to understand the best modality for them to learn information and take breaks, said Jacobs. “I suggest a timer for the breaks, not for the study periods.”

5. Medication

Like younger kids, teens can benefit from medication. Amy, a parent of a 15-year-old son diagnosed with ADHD, bought her son a trampoline to use after school to help him release his energy. While the exercise was helpful, she saw the most improvement when her son began taking medication. “Once he was medicated he could use self-regulating strategies,” she said. “Before that, he wasn’t able to learn these strategies since he couldn’t pay attention.”

Parents and experts agree: You are your child’s best advocate. “The best advice I can give other parents is to tell them that there may be really bad times, but your child needs to know that you are in their court,” Jen said. “When your child feels like a failure or has no friends or school is horrible, they need to be able to come home to you and release their frustrations and emotions.”

The post Parenting Strategies for Teens with ADHD: 5 Expert Tips appeared first on SWFL Family.

That text message was sent by my eighth-grade son.

“I’m on my way,” I responded.

My twins will be 14 years old soon, and as much as I hate to admit it, this has to end. I knew I needed to devise a plan to wean them (and me) off their “Mom Butler Services.”

When my twins were in first grade, the school phone number popped up on the caller ID. I panicked. Are they hurt? Are they sick? Are they in trouble? I expected to hear the voice of the principal or a teacher. But, instead, the sound of a six-year-old girl’s voice emitted through the speaker.

“Mom, can you please bring me my homework?”

“Of course, sweetie, I’ll be right over.”

And so it began.

Before I drove to the school that first time, my husband said, “Don’t bring it to her.”

Really? He was the “yes man”. The one who allowed our kids to climb up that steep wobbling ladder attached to an equally steep slide. He’s the guy that buys them over $50 worth of movie theater candy. Does he really want me to say no to something that seemed pretty benign to me?

“She needs to learn to remember to bring it and you bringing her homework doesn’t help her to do that. If you bring it to her she learns that her mom will always bail her out,” he said.

My first reaction to this was, “What is wrong with her thinking her mom will always bail her out?” But then after giving it some more thought, I knew he was right.

I just couldn’t say no, though, so I brought her homework to the school. I continued to do so when any of my three children called because they forgot their lunch or gym clothes.

Two years ago, I read an article about how a Catholic boys’ school posted the following sign on its front entrance: “If you are dropping off your son’s forgotten lunch, books, homework, equipment, etc., please TURN AROUND and exit the building. Your son will learn to problem-solve in your absence.”

My initial thought was, “I wish our school posted that sign because then it would absolve me of my guilt if I didn’t bring it.” But at the same time, I wanted to be able to help my kids when they asked me for help.

Now that my twins are in eighth grade, my husband’s sentiments are starting to resonate stronger with me while my protective mama-bear instinct has slowly dissipated. I feel more like a mama bird who needs to nudge them out of that comfy well-insulated nest. In five years, they may be going to college. So I developed a plan. They each are allowed three passes—three times during the school year, I will bring a forgotten item to school. I also taped a sign on the front door, reminding them to bring their homework, lunch, etc.

I’m cautiously optimistic that this plan will enable my kids to be more responsible. I realize it is a growing process for all of us and I need to go at my own moderate pace. There will likely be setbacks when they ask for a forgotten lunch but hopefully, we will be able to stay the course.

The post Teaching Children Responsibility: Why it is Important appeared first on SWFL Family.

According to Maria Sanders, LSW, a clinical social worker and certified parent coach, my situation is, well, ordinary. “Doing your own thing is normal and healthy in those teen years but it is really difficult for us parents.”

She’s right. It is difficult. For me, and for many other parents. On the one hand, as teens shift toward adulthood and become more independent, we’re excited for them. “The major difference between the teen years and the tween years is the extra experiences that young people have. They’ve learned to stretch their wings and to succeed,” says Ken Ginsburg, M.D., the founding director of the Center for Parent and Teen Communication in Philadelphia and author of Congrats–You’re Having a Teen!: Strengthen Your Family and Raise a Good Person. “In addition to that, they have the ability to think differently.” In other words, as our children mature into adulthood, they form their own thoughts and opinions, which may not align with our ideas and make it more difficult for us to connect with our teens.

We want a deeper connection with our teens, but …

Our teens don’t have much time for us

Sanders says that once our children move into their teen years, they most likely have figured out who they are, and they’re capable of better conversations and potentially forming deeper connections with family members. It can be a real strain on the entire family when teens don’t have time to invest in those core relationships because of other commitments, like jobs, friends, activities, and school. When our teens aren’t at home much anymore, it’s like a practice mourning period, according to Sanders. “We’re missing our teens – they’re out of the house, and there is a period of loss. There is a period of, ‘I see where this is going; they are going to leave soon.’”

We worry (a lot) that our teenagers are taking unnecessary risks

Now that our kids have grown more independent, they’re also taking more risks than they did as tweens. In 2020, an average of eight teens were killed in motor vehicle crashes every day, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Data like that supports the worry we feel when our teens drive cars or ride with friends.

We have lots to worry about with their growing independence. For example, we also worry about their access to drugs and alcohol, and having sex too. If our teenagers are sexually active, we worry about sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. We may also worry about their friendships and romantic relationships, and whether they will be hurt emotionally or manipulated. We worry about a lot of things because, as Sanders says, “There are a lot more opportunities for teens to get together without adult supervision so drugs, alcohol, and sex come into play.”

Our teens pick a lot of fights with us

Teenagers are pros at testing our limits and pushing boundaries, which can sometimes lead to arguments when parents try to dictate what their teenagers can and cannot do. “When parents try to control their kids, it comes from a place of fear: ‘I’m afraid I’m going to lose my child.’ We want to clasp on as hard as we can to feel like we’re in control. But we can’t control our kids,” Sanders says.

Despite those challenges, we can still form deeper connections with our teens.

How to form deeper connections with our teens

Adolescents are moving toward becoming independent of their parents physically, emotionally, and cognitively, and yet they still need parent and family support as much as they did when they were younger. Here are four ways experts suggest we support teens.

1. Breathe

It can be really hard to stay centered and calm when our teens are determined to criticize us at every turn. Our first instinct might be to respond with anger, but Sanders says this will only cause more problems. “There’s a phrase called ‘no action in reaction.’ If we are having a reaction to something our kids did, let’s say your child comes home late. Then that’s not the time to act, because you are in a reactive mode. Don’t take any action. Instead, take a deep breath, a big pause, maybe sleep on it, and discuss it when there is a good time and you’re calmer,” Sanders says.

2. Be curious

If your teenager is having trouble with following limits, like not coming home in time for curfew or letting the car run out of gas, Sanders recommends using Dr. Ross Green’s method of collaborative problem solving, where parents and kids work together to solve problems within their relationship.

Sanders offers an example of how this might work when your teen is struggling with coming home on time for a curfew:

Parent: “It seems like you’ve had a difficult time getting home at curfew. Help me understand what’s going on.”

Teenager: “Nobody starts to hang out until nine o’clock. So if I have to be home at 10 o’clock, I only get an hour with my friends.”

Parent: “Ok, that’s good information. What’s important to me is that you do get home, because I’m concerned about your safety. After 10 p.m., things start to get sketchy. So I’m wondering what ideas you have so you can still hang out with your friends and make it home on time.”

Sanders explains, “It’s not just the parent dictating what the consequences are. It’s the parent and the child having their concerns put out on the table and figuring out a solution that works for everybody.”

Ginsburg agrees with Sanders. “Your ultimate goal with your teenager is to have a relationship that lasts for decades after they’ve left your house. If they are struggling to become independent and you become very controlling, they will push you away.”

He also stresses the importance of communicating that we respect them. “When we tell kids what to do based on our experience, kids are hearing the message, ‘I don’t think you’re capable of figuring this out on your own.’” Ginsburg suggests instead that we be curious and ask questions about how they can solve problems on their own. He reminds us, “When we ask them what they’re experiencing, and ask them what they think is going to happen, then we give them the opportunity to think things through.”

3. Create rituals and routines

Rituals and routines are a great way to connect with a teenager who is often not able to spend as much time with parents and siblings. For example, even though my teenagers didn’t need me to walk them to the bus stop in the morning, I created this routine so that I could have extra time to connect with them.

“It’s important to find those family traditions that can be carried through to when they are older, so we’re able to have that connection,” Sanders says. She offers the example of her family’s annual summer camping trip, where they go screen-free because quality time together without their screens is good for developing adolescent brains and for family dynamics.

4. Know that you still matter to your teen

The teen years are full of incremental moves to separate from parents. For both parties, it’s an exciting time for personal growth; yet, those moves toward separation also can be scary and stressful.

Ginsburg reminds us, “There are a lot of myths out there about adolescence. One suggests that adolescents don’t care what adults think and don’t particularly like their parents. Know that definitively and without question: You matter to your teen.”

What keeps you up at night? Here are the top 8 questions that parents of teens Google the most.

The post Talking to Your Teen appeared first on SWFL Family.

Why aren’t they sleeping through the night?

Why is their poop changing colors?

And the question I asked the most often was

Why are they always crying?

Now that my twins are teens, in many ways I feel like a new mom again since raising teens is such a perplexing and confusing experience. Their behaviors are often hard for me to figure out. Like, why do they always feel the need to close the door? or why do they want to spend every waking moment with their friends?

My initial reaction when I’m feeling bewildered (which is often) is to grab my phone and Google it. And then I wonder, how did my mother raise me without an Internet connection?

Fortunately, parents do have the ability to easily find answers to their questions which will hopefully make parenting a teenager a little less daunting. As a former counselor for adolescents in a residential facility, I can answer some common questions asked by parents of teens and also provide links to articles for more information. Here are the top eight questions most Googled by parents of teenagers.

1. Why do teens do drugs?

During my time working with teens, there was a myriad of reasons why they choose to use drugs. It ranged from peer pressure to mental health issues (a form of self-medication).  Here is an article related to why some teens use drugs:

Suffering From Teen Drug Use: Why Do Teenagers Use Drugs?

https://yourteenmag.com/health/drugs-alcohol/ask-the-parenting-expert-the-whys-of-teen-drug-abuse

If you are concerned your teen is using drugs or alcohol this article discusses signs to look for and options to get treatment:

Signs of Alcohol Abuse and Drug Use in Teens: What To Look For

https://yourteenmag.com/health/drugs-alcohol/teenage-drug-alcohol-use

The best way to help prevent your teen from using drugs is to have open communication with them about drugs and how they are feeling in all areas of their life (friends, school, sports, etc.). Here is an article related to the importance of communication in preventing drug use:

Teen Risk-Taking: What Should Parents Worry About?

https://yourteenmag.com/health/drugs-alcohol/teen-risk-taking

2. Why do teens cut themselves?

Cutting yourself is a form of self-injury. When I worked in the residential treatment center, often teens cut themselves as a way to deal with their depression or other negative emotions. If you notice your teen is cutting themselves it is important to seek the help of a mental health professional so your teen can learn more appropriate coping mechanism for dealing with their emotions. Here are some related articles:

Teen Self Harm: How Can You Help A Teenager Who Injures Herself?

https://yourteenmag.com/health/teenager-mental-health/teen-self-harm

Dealing with Self-Injury: Understanding Risk And Helping Prevention

https://yourteenmag.com/health/teenager-mental-health/self-injury-professional-advice

Teenagers And Cutting: I Was A Teenage Cutter. How I Stopped Cutting

https://yourteenmag.com/health/teenager-mental-health/cutting

3. Why do teens drink?

Similar to using drugs, teens often drink alcohol because of peer pressure or as a form of self-medication. Alcohol is also more accessible and acceptable to use than illegal drugs. Some of the teens I worked with had parents or who either used or abused alcohol, making it easy for them to obtain it. Here some related articles:

The Age-Old Question: Why Do Teenagers Drink Alcohol?

https://yourteenmag.com/health/drugs-alcohol/underage-drinking

Can You Prevent Underage Drinking? Realistic Ways to Talk About Alcohol

https://yourteenmag.com/health/drugs-alcohol/real-talk-about-underage-drinking

Officer Pat Shares Facts About Teenage Drug And Alcohol Use

https://yourteenmag.com/health/drugs-alcohol/officer-george-willis-why-teens-use-drugs-and-alcohol

4. Why do teens smoke?

Despite laws regulating smoking in select public areas and the increased price of cigarettes, teens still smoke cigarettes. In over fifty percent of the US states the law regarding the age to purchase tobacco is 18 which makes it more accessible than alcohol. The most common reason teens begin smoking is that their friends or parents smoke. Once they start, smoking is highly addictive. Here some related articles:

Teens Using Tobacco: Dip, Cigarettes, Hookahs and More

https://yourteenmag.com/health/drugs-alcohol/using-tobacco-vaping-chewing-smoking

How Many Teenagers Smoke: Is Teen Smoking Still Popular?

https://yourteenmag.com/health/drugs-alcohol/teens-and-cigarettes

There’s No Foolproof Way of Raising Teens: Warning Signs of Trouble

https://yourteenmag.com/health/drugs-alcohol/teens-making-bad-choices

5. Why do teens vape?

Vaping is smoking using an e-cigarette. Even though the user does not inhale tobacco, they are still inhaling a vapor containing nicotine. Currently, there are not any state laws requiring proof of age to purchase e-cigarettes which means it is easily attainable for teens. Since e-cigarettes don’t contain tobacco, teens believe it is a healthy option than a cigarette. Here some related articles:

Teenagers Are Smoking E-Cigarettes: Should We Worry About Vaping?

https://yourteenmag.com/health/drugs-alcohol/ecigarettes-teens

Is Vaporizing Safer Than Smoking? Why Vaping Isn’t Healthy For Teens

https://yourteenmag.com/health/physical-health/is-vaporizing-safer-than-smoking

What is Juuling? The New Teen Vaping Device You May Not Recognize

https://yourteenmag.com/health/physical-health/what-is-juuling

6. Why do teens need more sleep?

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends that teens sleep for 8-10 hours per night. Sleep is necessary to aid in physical, intellectual and emotional growth. But a teen’s busy schedules including sports, homework and spending time with friends often means a later bedtime combined with an early start time (my kids are on the bus at 6:40 am). The end result is not getting enough sleep. Here some related articles:

How Much Sleep Do Teens Need? More Than They’re Getting

https://yourteenmag.com/health/physical-health/how-much-sleep-do-teens-need

Teens Not Getting Enough Sleep? Practical Sleep Advice for Parents

https://yourteenmag.com/health/physical-health/teens-sleep

Sleeping Teens: Helping Your Teen Get A Better Night’s Sleep

https://yourteenmag.com/health/physical-health/teen-sleep

7. Why do teens get acne?

The exact cause of acne is unknown but hormones, stress and genetic do contribute to developing it. Since teens experience an increase in hormones this may be why they develop it more than adults do. The best treatment for acne is using facial cleanser and if necessary seeing a dermatologist. Here some related articles:

Dealing with Acne: There’s No Need to Suffer Through Life with Pimples

https://yourteenmag.com/health/physical-health/teens-with-acne

Teenage Skin Problems: Acne, Skincare, and Sunscreen

https://yourteenmag.com/health/physical-health/ask-doctor-acne-skincare-sunscreen

From Acne Myths to Causes: Acne Advice From Pediatric Dermatologists

https://yourteenmag.com/health/physical-health/acne-advice-from-dermatologists

8. Why do teens die by suicide?

Suicide is a complex issue. Teens may commit suicide because they feel hopeless or pain due to depression. There are some incidents when teens felt bullied or experienced abuse that led to suicide. If you think your teen is having suicidal thoughts contact a mental health professional or call or text the National Suicide & Crisis Hotline by dialing 988. Here some related articles:

What Parents Need to Know About Preventing Teen Suicide

https://yourteenmag.com/health/teenager-mental-health/teen-suicide-prevention

Discussing Teen Suicide and Prevention: What Do Our Teens Think?

https://yourteenmag.com/health/teenager-mental-health/teen-suicide-and-prevention

About Teen Depression: What To Look For and How To Discuss Suicide

https://yourteenmag.com/health/teenager-mental-health/teen-suicide-prevention-professional-advice

This article was originally published on Your Teen.

Local Resources in Southwest Florida:

David Lawrence Centers for Behavioral Health

SalusCare Behavioral Health

Avow Kids (ages 5-17)

Covenant Counseling

Healthcare Network of SWFL

Al-Anon/Alateen

Mobile Crisis Response Team

Southwest Florida Resource Link by Healthcare Planning Council of SWFL

Youth Haven

Cheryl Maguire holds a Master of Counseling Psychology degree. She is married and the mother of twins and a daughter. Her writing has been published in Parents Magazine, Upworthy, Chicken Soup for the Soul: Count Your Blessings and Twins Magazine. You can find her at Twitter @CherylMaguire05

The post What Keeps You Up at Night? The Top Eight Question Parents Of Teens Google Most appeared first on SWFL Family.