When you think of Santa Claus, you may picture freshly baked cookies, flying reindeer, and a hearty “Ho! Ho! Ho!” But for many parents, the magic of Santa eventually comes with real questions: Am I lying to my child? When is the right time to tell the truth?
To better understand both the wonder and the complexity of the Santa myth, it helps to turn to psychologists—and to hear from those who believed and those who never did.
The Psychology of Belief in Santa
“Believing in Santa Claus is actually a normal part of cognitive development,” says Dr. Lauren Donovan, a registered play therapist at Connected Path Counseling in Bonita Springs. “It allows children to explore that magical thinking.”
This type of imagination—pretending to be an astronaut or playing house—is especially common at the ages when children also believe in Santa. It’s part of how they process the world and express creativity.
Dr. Keenan Tamm, a licensed clinical psychologist with Healthcare Network in Naples, adds that believing in Santa can support prosocial behavior. “It can help their understanding that good behavior is generally rewarded, and that helping others and gift-giving are valued,” he explains.
However, Donovan emphasizes that parents should reflect on how they use the Santa story. If Santa becomes the main tool for behavior control, children may become overly reliant on external rewards instead of developing internal motivation to behave well.
Tamm acknowledges this concern but says that, developmentally, it can still be useful: “Even though [Santa] may be an extrinsic way of looking at rewarding behavior, it’s an age-appropriate way of slowly teaching intrinsic motivation.”
College student Grace Lampard illustrates this shift from extrinsic to intrinsic thinking. “When you’re a kid, everything that matters is presents,” she says. “But now, I view Christmas as a holiday for spending time with family.”
Is It Dishonest to Let Kids Believe in Santa?
Concerns about honesty often come up when parents consider ending the Santa myth. Donovan offers reassurance: “There’s no evidence that it really has any horrible psychological effects on kids,” she says. “It’s no different than believing that Mickey Mouse is real.”
Tamm agrees. “Despite the fact that it can be a little dishonest, it can really allow children to have a fun and exciting holiday, which is a good experience.” The joy, imagination, and emotional memories that come from believing in Santa often stay with people long after childhood.
Wyatt Fox, a 2023 graduate of Barron Collier High School, remembers the wonder of his early Christmases. “I just loved the feeling of everything,” he says. “I look back at those pre-knowing years… it just felt so much more magical because I was told it was magical, and I believed it. I don’t think I would change it.”
Helping Kids Process the Truth
Eventually, every child figures it out—or hears it from someone else. While the realization may come with surprise or sadness, Donovan sees it as a valuable moment.
“Kids need to learn to tolerate uncomfortable emotions, and what I’m noticing is a lot of kids don’t know how to do that,” she says. “Life doesn’t always go the way one hopes it does, so the earlier a child learns to cope with these difficult emotions, the better they can do long-term.”
When—and How—to Tell the Truth About Santa
There’s no universal rule, but Tamm suggests that age seven is often a developmentally appropriate time to begin the conversation—especially if your child starts hearing from peers that Santa isn’t real.
“If they are being confronted by other peers about Santa Claus not being real,” Tamm says, “that would be a good time to have a developmentally appropriate moment where the parents do explain that Santa Claus isn’t real, and that despite that, they will still reward good behavior and still purchase gifts.”
The conversation doesn’t have to ruin the holiday. Many families find new meaning in the season—one that centers on family time, generosity, and togetherness.
Respecting Different Beliefs About Santa
For families with multiple children, keeping the magic alive for younger siblings can be a challenge once the older ones know the truth. Tamm suggests having a clear conversation with older kids about respecting others’ beliefs and preserving the experience for younger siblings and friends.
This sensitivity extends to families who don’t celebrate Christmas, too.
“Kids who I’ve worked with who don’t believe in Santa, I always feel like they have a really good understanding of that,” Donovan says. “And they’re supportive, like ‘Okay, he believes in Santa, and I don’t. That’s okay.’”
Nuha Rahman, a first-year college student who practices Islam, has known from a young age that Santa was a myth. “When I was in elementary school, I learned to not spoil it for people who still believed,” she says.
Joe Barlow, who was raised in a Jewish household, remembers a time when Santa was less commercialized. “In the late 60s, the commercialization just wasn’t what it is now,” he says. Now, he sees how Santa imagery has become a dominant part of the holiday season—even for those who don’t celebrate it.
Rahman acknowledges that while she doesn’t need Christmas, she appreciates its spirit. “Being there together, all day together,” she says of the family connection it fosters. “I like the idea of just celebrating a holiday with your family.”
It’s About the Magic—Not Just the Myth
Even once kids stop believing in Santa, the season doesn’t lose its magic. As Donovan reflects, “When I found out the truth, [I knew that] it’s not about Santa, it’s about the magic of that time—the kindness, the generosity, the giving.”
Ultimately, telling your kids the truth about Santa isn’t about destroying the wonder—it’s about guiding them toward a deeper, more lasting meaning of the holidays: connection, compassion, and love.
Reflections from SWFL Young Adults
Grace Lampard
“I felt more positive after finding out the truth because it changes your whole perspective on Christmas. I was more focused on spending time with family rather than focusing on presents.”
Wyatt Fox
“I remember I used to stay up so late because I was so excited that Santa was coming. Like so unbelievably excited, so I don’t think that the dishonesty that may come with the myth overrides the
fondness that I have for it in any way.”
Joe Barlow
“Even though it isn’t my holiday, I love to dress up as Santa during Christmastime. To see the smile on somebody’s face, you give to someone who doesn’t have, there’s nothing better.”
Nuha Rahman
“The concept of you all wake up together, you all fall asleep together, you open gifts under the tree… I love that. I don’t need Christmas, but I appreciate the tradition that they celebrate with their family.”
Eva Bessette
“I think I had an inkling Santa wasn’t real but didn’t want it to be confirmed, so when my parents did, I was upset that they took the fun out of the holiday instead of letting it go on.”