The role of grandparents in families with children with special needs cannot be underestimated. I know because my daughter is neurodiverse and the support I get from my own parents has been a significantly positive contributor to her growth and my sense of sanity.
Grandparents don’t have it easy though. How do you determine the best role you as a grandparent can play in a situation as fluid and stressful as raising special needs children? After all, family dynamics aren’t always the easiest to figure out. Experts cite six key areas where grandparents can help offset parental challenges and positively influence grandchildren with developmental disabilities and other special needs.
Emotional Support
Comfort and Understanding: Instead of trying to fix problems, the best thing a grandparent can say is, “I understand. Is there anything I can do that won’t make the situation worse?” Just being there and listening means more to parents than you know.
Encouragement and Advocacy: I always appreciate it when my mom sends me articles about how to help my children or shares examples of how other parents are navigating educational systems. This type of encouragement keeps me informed and helps me advocate for my child in various settings.
Practical Assistance
Childcare: This is a no brainer. Special needs parents need breaks and time for self-care. If you can just take your grandkids, even for an hour, it would give your child the time they need to simply breathe, get things done, get exercise, etc.
Transportation: Another no brainer! Shuttling kids seems so simple, but it’s exhausting. Perhaps once a week if you are local consider offering to take your grandchild to PT, OT, school, or wherever they need to go. If grandchildren need car seats, be willing to have them in your car to alleviate the burden of moving gear around.
Household Support: I tell my family all the time, “I am not an octopus!” Yet the demands of special needs parenting do require more than two hands so if you can help with things like cooking, cleaning, and errand-running, that would alleviate the nagging pressure parents put on ourselves.
Financial Support
Monetary Assistance: Let’s face it. Care is expensive and the care for special needs children is massive. All the supports – from physical therapy to occupational therapy, from medical to mental, the bills just add up so whatever you can contribute financially, without strings — just alleviates burden.
Resource Management: And if money is not an option, then help parents navigate financial resources, such as applying for government assistance or finding grants and scholarships for special needs services.
Social and Recreational Involvement
Inclusive Activities: Engage grandchildren in enjoyable and beneficial activities for their development, promoting socialization and learning in a relaxed environment. For instance, have you set up a grandparent playdate for your grandchildren? Get some of your favorite grandparent friends and invite them over with their grandchildren to play!
Understand the Toys: Toys and activities may be different than what you’re used to. For instance, toys with screens are less beneficial than toys that encourage core strength. Going to the movies may require you select a sensory-friendly showtime. Beef up on the toys and activities that can truly help your grandchild learn and grow in the ways that make sense for them. I love this quote from Michael J. Fox: “If a child can’t learn the way we teach, maybe we should teach the way they learn.” The same thought applies to play.
Family Traditions: Be inclusive! Your grandchild may not be able to participate in traditions the way you hoped they would, but they can do A LOT. Find ways to integrate them into the planning and executing holiday dinners and other family traditions. For instance, my daughter didn’t have a long enough attention span to participate in cooking a full recipe but she loved kneading dough and decorating spaces so those were her jobs (and we made sure bread was always part of our family dinner table).
As a parent of children with special needs, I can’t emphasize enough how valuable it is for grandparents to be involved. While there will always be some level of an “I can do it myself” mindset, the truth is today’s parents can’t do it all—it’s just not feasible.
My parents provided daycare for my oldest child during the first year of her life, came for visits and dinner on a regular basis, and regularly inquired as to my children’s welfare. Having them in my village gave me mental comfort, physical relief, opportunities for my own self-care, and more. Not only that, but it gave my children the comfort and knowledge that they had their own village of reliable and loving caregivers.
It also provided intangible benefits such as improved emotional stability, enhanced mental health, increased self-worth, higher academic achievement, and better social skills — all things that you can’t necessarily measure but that are worth their weight in gold.
Susan Abrams Speech Pathologist of ‘The Social Coach’ shares, “grandparents often provide a sense of security and unconditional love. Their presence can allow their grandchildren to feel emotionally grounded, especially during challenging times. Grandparents play a pivotal role and contribute significantly to the social and emotional growth of their grandchildren.”
As a grandparent, if you are unsure of how to engage, just ask. Consider asking your adult children, “What is the best way to support you?” Allow your children the time and space to consider your question and come back to you with thoughtful answers.
Now, go. Your grandchildren await.
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This article was submitted with permission from the author by Susan Abrams, M.A. CCC-SLP, a speech-language pathologist and the founder of The Social Coach, LLC. With a career dedicated to supporting children with special needs, Abrams has made contributions to the field through her innovative programs and initiatives. She developed Parent University and Be Social Kids, which empower parents and children with practical strategies for success.
Meredith Conte is a seasoned media industry professional with over 20 years of experience. Based in Naples, she writes with a focus on personal narrative, cultural insights, and emotionally driven storytelling.