Q. My family is Catholic. More specifically, my children and I are Catholic. My husband was raised Methodist but is agnostic. He fully supports the Catholic upbringing of our children, The last three holiday gatherings, we've hosted his sisters and their families. As we sit to eat our holiday meal, hands are clasped, and they begin their prayer. My kids don't know the prayer. But they are respectful and say the parts they've learned. I try as well. Then when they're done, they wait for the six of us say 'our' prayer, There are snickers and mumbling of words that I take as disrespectful. How do I approach this next holiday where we again are hosting? I do not care what prayer we say, only that EVERYONE is respected.
Amy: First off, let's just chuck the whole "difference of religions" by the wayside for a second. I don't think it's too much to ask that guests in your home respect your beliefs. Whether you're a vegan, you have a pet chicken that sleeps in your living room, or you refer to your triune God as the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit or the genderneutral language of the creator, redeemer and sustainer. Your pad, your food, your chairs, you deserve respect. In this case, it sounds like you're dealing with people who, while they are related to you, don't comply with the way you've chosen to worship. It seems they've made that point very dear for the last three years. At this juncture, the situation can only be resolved in one of three ways: you decide you've had enough and discuss the situation with the other adults head on; you stop inviting them to your home for the holidays altogether; or you realize the confrontation isn't worth the hassle and stomach their bad manners every year, forever and ever, until the biggest bully dies. That sounds crappy, right? That's why I think you should approach this situation with your big girl panties on and have the uncomfortable conversation with the offending adults before the big holiday dinner. That way you can (hopefully) decide on a way to pray that makes everyone feel like their voice is heard and you can get onto the important parts of the holiday season: kids opening gifts, copious amounts of booze, and pie.
Q: We've always taken our children to take pictures with Santa Claus with no major objections. However, my youngest son is now terrified of him. Should I skip the photos all together this year, only include the children that don't mind, or make them all participate?
Amy: There is something to be said for a holiday picture with all the kids and Santa. Heck, I'm Jewish, and my motherin-law still takes the kids for their annual Santa picture as a yearly reminder of how much they've grown. With that in mind, l don't think we've ever had a picture with Santa where all of the kids were happy at the same time. But none of my kids were ever "terrified" of the stranger with a white beard in a red suit when I asked them to sit on his lap and tell him all of their favorite things they want as a present. Come to think of it; I'm pretty terrified now. Maybe we should skip Santa this year as well? ln all seriousness, you should probably attempt to take all the kids for their annual Santa photo, but bring an extra adult to help you out if your terrified kid loses his mind. Who knows if he'll still feel the same way by the time the holidays come along?
Amy Hunter grew up in the suburbs of Long Island singing Barbara Streisand hits into her hairbrush. When she's not writing her hilarity-fueled parenting memoir as The Outnumbered Mother, she's a Naples-living, butt-wiping, soccer team-carting, gourmet chef-attempting, tennis skirt-wearing, nontennis-playing, self-proclaimed bad mamma jamma to three sons and a very understanding husband. You can find Amy online at the Theoutnumberedmother. com.