We’ve officially navigated our first foster care placement! For those who missed my first two articles (in November and December 2024 issues of Neapolitan Family), my husband and I, with the enthusiastic support of our 10-year-old daughter, recently became a licensed foster care family through One More Child, a Christian licensing agency in Southwest Florida.
It took some time to receive our first placement. Our licensing agency strongly advised starting with a respite care request rather than a “permanent” placement. When foster families decide to travel for more than 48 hours, and depending on the circumstances, the state requires respite care for foster children in their home. Foster children, in this case, must stay with a licensed foster care family. So, for eight days over Thanksgiving break, we welcomed two siblings (a 3-year-old girl and a 1-year-old boy) into our home while their foster parents traveled out of the country.
We loved them, cuddled with them, took them to church, fed them (they ate A LOT), and enjoyed spending our Thanksgiving break with them, including lots of time with family and friends. Though we tried to maintain their established routine, they woke up in the middle of the night and navigated a lot of new situations. They were so sweet – and yet, they were typical toddlers. I can’t imagine what they must have been experiencing in temporarily joining a family of complete strangers.
For our daughter Winnie, the experience was challenging, tiring, and frustrating. She grew a lot and experienced many of the struggles inherent in having younger siblings. Instead of starting slowly, though, with one newborn baby at a time, she abruptly met, carried, supported, loved, and interacted with two toddlers. The act of welcoming two tiny humans served as a jolt to her system, disrupting her routine and jarring her Thanksgiving break expectations. (“It wasn’t a break for me,” she asked me to add.) She went so far as to request that our next scheduled respite placement be our last.
I wondered if other foster families shared this struggle – I wondered exactly how becoming a foster family and routinely welcoming non-related children into our home might impact my child long-term. From everything we had researched and learned, we expected that becoming a foster family would be a very positive experience for our daughter, if we continued to accept placements younger than her. And long term, I believe that will be the case. Challenges and difficulty lead to growth, but it is relatively hard to watch it play out in the life of my daughter. Why do I so often try to protect and shield Winnie from struggle?
Kaitlin Decius
I sought the perspective of Kaitlin Decius, a Naples mom of five whose family fostered while she was a child. Interestingly, she and her husband completed the same foster care licensing class through One More Child as we did (which is how I found out her family fostered when she was a kid).
Katilin shared that her family began helping kids in need from her church when she 12 years old, which eventually prompted her parents to proceed with home studies, foster care classes, and court-approved guardianship. “Our parents ensured before ever saying yes to a child that we were all on the same page and in complete agreement; fostering allowed us to learn greater compassion for people, learning that some have been through so much that it was hard,” Kaitlin said.
I asked her what was difficult about being a part of a foster family. “It was challenging to share our home and our parents’ time. I didn’t always know exactly what was happening in detail. Our parents protected us from hard truths. I didn’t understand how parents could hurt their children – that drove me to love harder and to become more patient, understanding, and empathetic. Because my family fostered children while I was a child, my love and compassion for children grew. I continue to desire to help those in need, even after getting married and starting my own family.”
Kaitlin discussed the long-term effects of being a bio child in a foster care home. “Because my family fostered growing up, I developed a passion to mentor young girls in college and beyond. I sought to learn all I could about what kind of love they needed. Becoming licensed as a foster family was always a part of mine and my husband’s plan for our family.” The process of fostering while Kaitlin grew up gave her a heart for foster/adoption. “The more children we bring into our home, the more God gives us to love. It is truly an honor and blessing to my husband, our five boys, and me to have this incredible opportunity to show love and provide a safe home for children in our community.”
Melissa Rounds
I sought some insight from another friend who became a foster family in May 2020. For the Rounds family, fostering brought an initial burst of excitement followed by significant challenges. “Our three boys (ages 9, 6, and 3 at the time) were so helpful, but our first placements were rough. They were back in the child welfare system after and were severely neglected and developmentally delayed. Because it was the beginning of [the pandemic], we found it almost impossible to … have them assessed for delays. We were not trained as a special needs foster home, and we felt like we were drowning. We knew we had to protect our kids, and that we were not able to be what our foster kids needed.” After that first placement, Melissa and her husband, Ben, decided to provide respite care and welcomed several foster children into their home for temporary periods of time. And in September 2023, the Rounds family adopted 3-year-old Mavis out of foster care.
I asked Melissa if she saw changes in her boys. “I watched my rough and tumble boys learn compassion, understanding, and kindness because of foster care. They learned that not everyone has an easy childhood, and that we must protect those who can’t stand up for themselves. They also learned that things are not always fair and easy. Doing hard things makes us stronger. It also knitted our family closer together. Having girls in our house made our boys gentler. They played differently with them, treated them with more respect than they usually showed one another, and became more helpful.”
Melissa gave some insight into the long-term effects of fostering on her boys. “My kids understand other children who are differently abled. They have great compassion for those who are hurting and experiencing struggle; they understand that there is often a lot going on behind the scenes that we can’t see.”
Our Path Forward
And so, I’m pleased to say that we’re going to stay the course – walking through this fruitful and beautiful challenge together as a family. I hope you’ll continue to follow along – and maybe even consider joining us!
Neapolitan Family contributing writer Anna Snyder is sharing her family's foster parenting journey. To see the first two installments in this series, go to neafamily.com.