Thomas Family
I had the privilege of interviewing two couples who became parents recently: one couple through foster care, and the other through adoption. I gained a new understand of my own role as a mom through these interviews, and I hope you find their stories as encouraging as I did.
NEW PARENTS THROUGH FOSTER CARE
Casey and Matt Nance have been married for six years. They live and work in Southwest Florida; Casey is a dental hygienist, and Matt is an independent insurance broker. They became licensed as foster parents in May 2014. Since then, they have had six children live in their home.
What have been some challenges you have faced as new foster parents?
We have never had any children of our own. So for us, becoming new foster parents was kind of like becoming parents for the first time. We went from having zero kids to dealing with nap times, feeding schedules, freezing teething toys, borrowing bouncy chairs, and buying and using more diapers and baby wipes than you can ever imagine. Fortunately, we had a lot of friends and family who are very helpful and supportive.
With foster care, kids come to us with a history, and we never really know all the details. The day a child is removed from their home may be one of the most traumatic days of their life. Most of the children that have come into our home have only the clothes that they’re wearing and tear-filled eyes. We don’t know all the details of the abuse that has occurred, or what the children have experienced. Over time, we help the children to overcome and cope with those experiences.
What have you loved about being foster parents?
What I love most about being a foster mom is watching my kids thrive. Children are so much more resilient than we give them credit for. Most kids just need a chance. Simply being available to these children and providing a safe, loving home has added so much joy to our lives, and can make all the difference in their young lives.
How do you think your challenges have been different to other parents you know?
One of the challenges we face that’s different from other families is we never really know how long the children will be in our home. Sometimes kids stay one night, others stay a few weeks, months, or even years.
As you think back over your experience as foster parents, what are you thankful for?
One of the things I am most thankful for is how these children have enriched our lives. My husband and I knew we wanted a family. We have struggled to get pregnant for several years, and we decided that fostering would be a good way to be available for kids who wanted a family, too.
What encouragement would you offer to other new foster parents?
Rely on a good support system. We have had tremendous support from family, friends, and community outreaches such as Friends of Foster Children of Southwest Florida.
Also, know that the foster system isn’t perfect. This was so hard for me. Things don’t always go the way I would like them to go, or the way I think they ought to go. The important thing is to be available for these kids. I take comfort in knowing that however long we had children in our home, for that time, those children knew they were important, loved, and safe.
For more information on becoming foster parents, contact Children’s Network of Southwest Florida at 1-855-933-KIDS or at www.ChildNetSWFL.org or Yohana Resto at Florida Baptist Children’s Homes at Yohana.Resto@FBCHomes.org or (239) 850-4335.
NEW PARENTS THROUGH ADOPTION
Allison and Jonathan Thomas (not their real last name) were married in 2011, and live in Fort Myers. Jonathan is a nurse anesthetist. Allison is a speech pathologist who currently stays at home with their two-year-old daughter, whom they adopted as an infant.
When did you adopt your daughter?
My husband has a lot of family and friends who have adopted, so from the time we got married, it was something we discussed. We decided to start the adoption process after some infertility struggles. Nothing was found to be “wrong,” but we didn’t get pregnant. We decided not to embark on infertility treatments, and we were excited to start a family.
What have been some challenges you have faced as new parents?
Our challenges have been similar to most parents: colic, sleep training, and toddlerhood. And how could I forget potty training, as my daughter runs around me bare bummed! I was pretty worried about not being her only mom, or my daughter eventually choosing her birth mother over me. Once I held her, those fears went away. One day, when she’s ready to meet her birth mother, I hope that it will be an amazing experience for both of them, and that our daughter will feel loved by her. I will never replace her birth mother, but now I understand that she will never replace me.
What have you loved about being a mom?
Almost everything! I love when she says “mommy funny,” falls asleep in her car seat and I carry her little self in. I love when she learns new things her kisses and hugs.
How do you think your challenges have been unique when compared to other parents you know?
Right now, our daughter is too young to understand adoption. I know one day we may have some adoption-related struggles, but every parent is going to have their own set of struggles to walk through with their child.
Adoption seems scary, but I think anything different is. And different isn’t a bad thing. It is so much fun to discover our child’s personality and her gifts, and to watch her grow. She has amazing genetics that I wasn’t able to give her. God used someone else’s genetics to make my baby, and then brought strangers together to help heal each other’s hearts.
As you think back over your experience becoming parents, what are you thankful for?
I am thankful that her birth mother chose life. Pregnancy is no cake walk, and at the end of nine months to rip out your heart and hand it to another woman … that is selfless love.
What encouragement would you offer to other new parents in the process of adopting or looking to adopt?
Do it – adopt! Adoption is scary and different, but I don’t know any adoptive parents who regret adopting. My child is as loved and worthy as any genetic child. I would also encourage adoptive families to be open to the thought of their child not “looking like them.” Our daughter happens to look similar to my husband and myself, but that has nothing to do with why we love her. She has cousins (my nieces and nephews) of three different ethnicities -- some adopted and some biological. All are loved the same, and all fit into our family perfectly.
Both the Nance family and the Thomas family became parents in unique ways, and their experiences are so encouraging to other new parents. No matter how we grow our families, becoming a parent has unique challenges and joys. All we need to do is love our children deeply and enjoy the ride!