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Regardless of your politics on the issues of the day, race is once again front and center on the evening news. Our children are often exposed to very adult conversations about race. This reality may beg the question, how do I talk about race with my child? As with any issue, the first rule of thumb about discussing race with children is to model the behavior you want.
1. Be a good race relations role model. Practice diversity.
Demonstrate positive race relations in practical ways in your own life by demonstrating diversity. Ask yourself, do I have friends of other races? If most of your friends are from your own race and culture, you may want to consider opportunities for you and your child to interact with other races and cultures. Attend a different church on Sunday. Observe how they worship. Find something to appreciate about it and comment on it to your child.
You may find yourself asking, do I openly and verbally appreciate other races and cultures in front of my child? If you see a television program about a different culture, use the opportunity to discuss a different way of life and worldview. Find one thing you like about it and state it out loud.
2. Listen first. Don’t assume shared understandings about race.
Sociologists assert that children construct differences and similarities differently than adults. Children notice differences quite early developmentally but it may be for reasons that interest children and not as adults define the difference. It’s important for adults to ask questions and listen carefully to the answers. If you notice that one child is being excluded on the playground, don’t assume it’s because the child is of a different nationality. There could be other reasons and it’s crucial that you find out what those reasons are before intervening.
3. Answer your child’s questions about race and culture in an age appropriate way.
Alvin Poussaint, M.D., the psychiatrist who consulted for The Cosby Show states that there are two critical development ages when race and culture questions are likely to occur: ages six to eight years old and the teenage years. These stages are times when the child’s world is expanding and their values are forming or solidifying. Responding to a child’s questions at these stages in simple, honest terms is important. “I don’t know” and “Give me a chance to think about that and then we will talk,” are appropriate responses to race -related questions from time to time.
According to the Leadership Conference, some things we can do to raise children who are comfortable with diversity include:
• Populating our lives, and the lives of our children, with friends of diverse backgrounds. That may mean seeking out after school or weekend activities that offer opportunities to meet families of different nationalities, faiths and cultures.
• Choosing books and toys that include persons of different races and ethnicities.
• Visiting museums that feature exhibits about a variety of cultures and religions.
• Celebrating cultural events and attending religious services with friends of different faiths.
• Inviting others to share your cultural and religious experiences.
Visit www.civilrights.org/publications/reports/talking_to_our_children, for more information.
Laura Reagan-Porras is a freelance writer who specializes in parenting topics for a variety of national and regional publications.