crying child in birthday hat
Prevent your party from becoming a tear fest. Follow these nine easy steps to keep the enjoyment level elevated for all attendees, you included.
- When setting your guest list follow the classic rule of your child’s age plus one for the number of invitations. Not many three year olds can handle the thrill of a huge party. How does your child do with other large, family events? Use any lessons you have learned from other celebrations to help you develop this party.
- Schedule the festivities when your child is at their natural peak. If they still nap do not schedule the party at the time of day when they are usually sleepy. If your child is an early bird, plan a morning event. If your tween or teen is lobbying for a sleepover party but you know from experience that they turn into a nightmare without enough sleep, steer them in another direction.
- Look at a variety of options for the party location. For some children a party held at home will reduce the potential for emotional overload. However, this is not always the case. For some children being at a neutral location ups the chances of being on their best behavior.
- Think about the timing of gift opening. Who says the gifts must be opened at the end of the party? My son pushed back at this concept one year and we let him open the gifts as guests arrived. This freed him to enjoy the planned activities instead of coming over every two minutes to ask when we were opening the presents.
- Gift giving can be a source of potential anxiety for the guests as well. Children are usually excited about showing off the present they brought and wrangle to have theirs opened first. When Healey worked at a preschool that hosted parties they managed this process by giving each child a square with a number on it. The child sits until their number is drawn randomly and then they offer their gift to the guest of honor.
- Manage your child’s expectations about presents to prevent an embarrassing or hurtful response to an unwanted gift. To avoid a random “I hate it” or “I already have that”, you can role-play before the party. Rehearse several times by putting silly things, such as a can of peas, in a box. Have the child open it and teach them to respond with the requisite thank you.
- Think about the games or activities you are offering. Even simple, seemingly age appropriate activities can backfire if they are not suited to your child. Tilley suggests, “Don’t play competitive games. Who knew musical chairs could be so traumatic?”
- Be organized with the games or activities so that the guests are too busy to misbehave. “I always have extra activities planned in case things go faster than expected,” says Tanya Bonham, mom of two and owner of Parties to Go.
- If you feel pressure to keep up with the parties being coordinated by your mom friends take Tilley’s advice, “Don’t worry about competing with the supermoms. Invite them to help.” As your guest list grows along with your child and parents no longer stay at the party, recruit extra hands.
Most importantly, tailor the party to your child’s temperament. If tears occur, take heart and remember that it will be funny several years down the road.
Sue LeBreton is a freelance writer and mom of two. She is always happy to survive a birthday party without tears.