Do you remember being 12 years old? You can’t wait to become a teenager and become who you’re supposed to be. At the same time, you’re still a kid who needs to hold on to the security of family, who might be a little more afraid of growing up than you’d ever admit.
Nick Gatian
Nick Gatian and his wife at their wedding.
That kid was me in 2015. Fortunately, I had my best friend – my grandfather – by my side to help me figure things out. We spent a lot of time together doing things like going to Disney World and watching professional wrestling matches. He was funny, bigger than life, and he “got” me: he seemed to know what to say and do, no matter what was bothering me. My Pap-Pap and I were a solid team; with him I felt safe, loved, and heard.
And then suddenly, he was taken from me, from my family. Nothing about that day seemed unusual: we had gone out to eat, then run some errands – normal family stuff. But overnight, everything changed. Pap died in his sleep from a heart attack, the result of a 100% blocked artery that none of us even knew about. What made it even more horrible was that I didn’t find out about his death until two days later, right before football practice. It was awful.
It’s hard for me to describe my reaction to Pap-Pap’s death – mostly because I pretty much shut out the world. I didn’t have words to describe what I was feeling. You know how you “know” intellectually that something happened, but you can’t believe it in your heart? That was me. I retreated into a very dark place and stayed there, overwhelmed and alone.
My family, of course, loved and reassured me as best they could, but it wasn’t until I got into the Avow Kids program that I started to heal. One of the counselors came to my high school to meet one-on-one with me. This was a big help not only to me but also to my parents, who both work full-time. That counselor gave me the space to say anything I wanted to and to be as “messy” with my emotions as I needed to be. There’s something very different about talking to someone who gets what you’ve been through but who isn’t a family member. There’s no pressure to “get better” somehow; it’s more like the counselor shows you how to honor the person you lost and how to keep that person in your life, even as time passes.
I also attended a session of the Avow Kids Camp MendingHeart overnight camp. That really made me feel less alone in my grief. I met kids like me who were also struggling to figure out who to be and how to feel safe again after getting their life blown up by loss. The Avow Kids counselors used music, art, movement, sharing circles and other activities to help us connect to our feelings. That’s one of the things I liked the most: if you didn’t feel like talking in a group session, there was another activity that could help you express what you felt.
After that first camp, I stayed involved with the Avow Kids program. I went to Avow’s Butterfly Release memorial service; I am also now one of the volunteers who help the Avow Kids professional staff run the Camp MendingHeart sessions. I think the kids appreciate that I’ve been through some of the difficulties and challenges they’re facing and that I know how lost and sad they feel. It makes me feel great to help other kids see that life can be happy again.
I often say the Avow Kids program helped me become who I am today. At 22 years old, I graduated from FGCU, got married, and have a full-time position working at a non-profit with foster children suffering from loss. I’m drawn to a profession focused on helping people – and that is the direct result of my having been guided through grief by Avow Kids. When you help a kid grow through loss, you help shape the adult that young person will become. I am very gratified to give back to the Avow Kids program through volunteering and testimonials like this one for all that Avow Kids has given to me.
Nick Gatian, Naples, Florida
Reprinted courtesy of AvowKids
About Avow: Avow was founded in 1983 as Collier County's original nonprofit hospice. Today, Avow's nonprofit companies provide palliative care consultations for adults who face chronic or severe illness, hospice care, and bereavement support services for children and adults. To learn more about the scope of services provided by Avow, call (239) 261-4404 or visit avowcares.org.