Studies have found bullying has health and psychological repercussions – and the effects can last into adulthood. The victims of childhood bullying and bully-victims (those who are both bullied and bully others) are “at increased risk of poor health, wealth, and social-relationship outcomes in adulthood,” according to a 2013 report in Psychological Science Journal.

Bullying Versus Conflict

For parents and educators to effectively address bullying, we must first understand what constitutes bullying. When we see it, we often don’t recognize it because, from the outside, it looks like a conflict. In the heat of the moment, kids, like adults, can say and do mean things to each other. That, in and of itself, doesn’t constitute bullying. Because parents and teachers are aware of this, it’s sometimes easy to dismiss a child’s complaints about being harassed as nothing more than a spat. So, here are some questions to help determine which it is.

Do both children have equal power? If so, it’s conflict. In bullying, the bully has more power or more perceived power.

Are both children able to express their concerns or views? Or is one child passive or unable to express her side for some reason?

Does the behavior stop when the antagonizing child recognizes he’s hurting another? Or does the aggressor continue, while being fully aware of the effects of his behavior?

What is Bullying?

Bullying is repeated acts by an individual or group with the intent to scare, distress, or cause harm to another. It differs from simply disliking or rejecting another, mutual conflict, or a single-episode mean-spirited act.

Bullying behaviors include any of the following:

• Hostile or discriminatory behavior based on race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation
• Cyberbullying, which is the use of social media, websites, instant messaging, or texting via smartphones or computers to harass or harm another
• Causing physical harm by hitting, kicking, shoving, or destroying property
• Social bullying, such as spreading malicious rumors, damaging someone’s reputation, encouraging others to gang up on someone, or playing mean or embarrassing jokes
• Verbal bullying, which includes name-calling, intimidating, or insulting another

Kids Keep it a Secret

Often children don’t tell when they’re being bullied. As a result, bullying persists for months or longer and becomes increasingly more damaging. There are multiple reasons kids might not tell an adult.

• Perhaps a child has been threatened with repercussions if they tell, or the child fears the threat will become greater if they say anything.
• They don’t want to be a tattletale. Kids don’t always understand the difference between tattling for unimportant matters versus more serious issues.
• Children often feel ashamed or embarrassed either about being a victim of bullying or about the reason they’re being bullied. 
• They feel they either won’t be believed or that adults won’t do anything about it.

Signs of Bullying

Several signs might indicate your child is being bullied:

• Frequently trying to get out of going to school or declining grades 
• Complaining of stomach aches and headaches
• Feeling sad or upset
• Withdrawing from social interactions
• Difficulty sleeping
• Asking whether something derogatory someone said about your child is true or other signs of decreased self-esteem
• Bruising and abrasions that are unexplained
• Missing or damaged clothing, electronics, or other belongings
• Seeming anxious or sad after being on social media
• Changing eating habits, whether lack of appetite, binge eating, or not eating lunch at school
• Harming themself or talking of suicide

Victim or Bully?

Your child might be a bully if he or she is:

• Hanging out with other kids who are aggressive or bully others
• Not taking responsibility for their own actions
• Excluding certain kids from activities
• Frequently getting into trouble at school
• Expressing intolerance toward kids who are different
• Making fun of other kids
• Bringing home items such as electronics, clothes, or money
• Hurting animals
• Witnessing or experiencing domestic violence
• Being overly concerned about popularity

How to Prevent or Stop Bullying

First and foremost, talk to your kids about bullying, so they understand what it is and that it’s unacceptable. Make sure your kids understand they must tell an adult if they or someone they know is being bullied so the bully doesn’t have the opportunity to gain power.

Monitor your kids’ activity online, including their social media. Ensure your child is neither being bullied nor acting like a bully.

Model the kind of behavior you expect from your kids. When kids hear their parents talk negatively about others because of their weight or joke about someone who’s different, kids tend to model this behavior.

Take time every day to talk with your child and ask how their day was. Kids who bully are often not getting the attention they need at home. Children who are being bullied may feel they deserve the treatment or that their parents wouldn’t care or wouldn’t act on it.

Teach your kids to stand up for themselves. If your child remains passive, a bully will up the ante and gradually become more abusive. But, if your child assertively and unemotionally stands up to the bully, the bully will realize she won’t get away with the behavior. On the other hand, if a bully knows he’s getting under your child’s skin, the bully will persist. Your child should maintain eye contact, stay calm, maintain appropriate distance, and use the bully’s name while addressing the bully. 

Jill Newman of Naples Family Martial Arts regularly offers free anti-bullying workshops for families. “As parents of school-aged children, we are keenly aware of the impacts of bullying, and we actively work to stop bullying by providing fellow parents and children with the benefits of a martial arts education,” she explains. “Martial arts disrupts the cycle of bullying by developing self-confidence, respect, communication skills, and self-control among our students.” 

If your child is being bullied, also talk to your child’s teachers, school administrators, bus driver, and others who can help stop the abusive behavior. Make sure your school has a plan in place to protect your child, and if it isn’t doing enough, contact the district superintendent. 

The Collier County Public Schools district website, collierschools.com, offers resources and advice.

Finally, if the bullying doesn’t cease or your child has been threatened with violence, proceed by filing charges through your school board and the local police department.

Collier County and Surrounding Area Resources for Parents and Children 

Here are some local resources in Collier County and the surrounding areas to support parents and children: 

1. Collier County Public Schools (CCPS) 

• Website: www.collierschools.com 
• CCPS is committed to maintaining a safe and inclusive learning environment. Visit their website for information on anti-bullying programs, policies, and reporting procedures. 

2. Collier County Sheriff’s Office – Youth Relations Bureau 

• Phone: (239) 252-0654 
• Website: colliersheriff.org
• Email: YouthRelations@colliersheriff.org 
• Connect with the Youth Relations Bureau for resources, guidance, and support related to youth safety and well-being. 

3. NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) Collier County 

• Website: www.namicollier.org 
• NAMI offers valuable mental health resources, support groups, and educational programs for families and children facing mental health challenges. 

4. David Lawrence Center 

• Website: www.davidlawrencecenter.org 
• Phone: (239) 455-8500 
• DLC provides comprehensive behavioral health services for children and families, including counseling and crisis intervention. 

5. Boys & Girls Club of Collier County 

• Website: www.bgccc.com 
• Phone: (239) 325-1700 
• The Boys & Girls Club offers after-school programs, mentoring, and a safe space for children to learn and grow. 

6. The Shelter for Abused Women & Children 

• Website: www.naplesshelter.org 
• 24/7 Helpline: (239) 775-1101 
• This organization provides support, shelter, and resources for families facing domestic violence and abuse. 

7. PFLAG Naples 

• Website: www.pflagnaples.org 
• PFLAG offers support and advocacy for LGBTQ+ youth and their families. Join their local chapter for guidance and acceptance. 

8. Immokalee Foundation 

• Website: www.immokaleefoundation.org 
• Phone: (239) 430-9122 
• This organization empowers Immokalee’s youth through education and mentorship programs. 

9. Legal Aid Service of Collier County 

• Website: www.legalaid.org/collier 
• Phone: (239) 775-4555 
• For legal assistance and guidance related to issues affecting children and families, contact Legal Aid Service of Collier County. 

Kimberly Blaker is a freelance writer. She also owns an online bookshop, Sage Rare & Collectible Books (sagerarebooks.com), specializing in out-of-print, scarce, signed, and first editions; fine bindings; ephemera, and more.

The post Addressing Childhood Bullying: Signs and Solutions appeared first on SWFL Family.

How to find a tutor

Another option is to search online for tutors in your area. You’ll likely find a couple of local tutoring companies. These often offer on-site tutoring, but some might offer in-home tutoring as well. There are also many websites developed for helping parents find tutors. Takelessons.com has a searchable database of tutors. Just enter your ZIP code and the school subject to find tutors in your area. This site also shows tutors’ ratings and their fees per session. Another source is Care.com, which connects people with various service professionals, including tutors. Experience in tutoring varies widely, however. So, check their reviews and ask for references.

Online tutoring is another popular choice, though it may not be right for every child. Also, do your research because the reviews of many online tutoring companies are fair to mediocre, at best. The costs of online tutoring aren’t always consistent with quality.

Free tutoring

If tutoring isn’t in your budget, there are several options. First, check with your child’s school. Some schools offer one-on-one tutoring programs for eligible students. Many schools also offer after-school group tutoring. Kids can stay after school to work on their homework with assistance from a teacher. Some teachers also offer after-school tutoring for their students.

If tutoring isn’t available at your kid’s school, ask trusted family members, neighbors, and friends if they can help. You might discover someone you know is enthused to help your struggling child.

Another option is to contact your local high school and community college. Students majoring in particular subjects or teaching are required to do a certain number of hours of tutoring. For that reason, students often offer it for free.

There’s also the popular Khan Academy website, which offers free online video tutorials for students at all levels. Visit www. khanacademy.org.

What to look for in a tutor

There are several factors to consider when looking for a tutor.

These include:

Is the tutor qualified? Your best bet is to look for someone with a teaching degree, because tutoring requires skills that not everyone possesses. For younger students, if the tutor has a teaching degree, specialization in a particular subject isn’t necessary. For high school and beyond, look for a tutor with expertise in the subject your child needs help with.

Does the tutor have the right personality? First, a tutor should be patient, empathetic, positive, passionate, creative, and fun. These characteristics help ensure your child can learn from the tutor and will walk away with self-confidence. Also, the tutor’s personality should be a good fit for your child. It’s essential the tutor and your child connect with each other.

Is the tutor flexible? Each child has their own best learning style. It might be visual, aural, physical, verbal, logical, or any combination of these. Also, some kids are solitary learners, whereas others are social learners and enjoy learning in groups. Look for a setting and tutor that fits your kid’s style.

Does the tutor have excellent references? Online tutoring services often have reviews from previous clients. Look for those with overall high ratings and positive comments. But beware of reviews directly on the tutoring company’s website, since these often can be manipulated. If you find your tutor offline or find very few reviews, ask for several references. Still, the references a tutor provides might not be an entirely accurate depiction of their character and experience either. So, use due diligence for your child’s safety and to ensure your child receives quality service.

Neapolitan Family recommends

A+ Skills Tutoring. 239.254.9807. Aplusskillstutoring.com. One-to-one personalized tutoring. SAT/ACT prep, college applications and essays, all elementary/middle/high school subjects. Experienced tutors with BA/BS and MA/MS degrees.

A Top Grade Teaching & Tutoring. (239) 340-2464 | www.atopgrade.com

A Top Grade, founded by veteran educator Lisa Coto, offers personalized tutoring services in Naples, Florida. With over 40 years of experience, Lisa specializes in English Language Arts, Reading, Spanish, English as a Second Language (ESOL), Social Studies, and Special Education for students from kindergarten through 12th grade and beyond. Her customized approach includes test preparation for standardized assessments like the FAST, development of effective study skills, and academic coaching.

College Smart Start. Collegesmartstart.com.

We offer various levels of support, but all of our options are geared to making this process easier.

• Exactly what to do, when it needs to be done, and how to do it well: school selection, passion projects, college applications, essays, activities list, scholarship applications
• A holistic approach to each student, while still helping you make data-driven decisions
• The truth about merit and financial aid, and different ways to bring college financially within reach
• Access to planning tools, from a searchable database to brainstorming worksheets and proofreading processes
• Many levels include personalized goal-setting, extracurricular strategies, essay support, check-ins to keep you on track and meeting those deadlines, and a final application check before hitting “submit”.

JEI Learning Center. 239.922.6450. JEI aims to empower all children to become future leaders by fostering their critical thinking and problem-solving skills in a nurturing educational environment. improve skills in programs for math, English, reading, and writing.

Seriously Addictive Mathematics. 888.313.4726. www.seriouslyaddictivemathfl.com. A Mathematics Learning Program from Singapore with a unique Mathematics curriculum designed for students from 4 to 12 years of age. Curriculum is primarily modeled after the Singapore Mathematics program.

Simply Michka, LLC. 239.784.154. Certified Math Teacher for grades 6th through 12th. A teacher in Collier County for almost 11 years, helping students achieve their math goals and become more confident in their math skills. Available for tutoring and homeschool support.

Sterk Educational Consulting. 239.910.7155. Dr. Amanda Sterk is a premier college educational consultant with over 20 years of experience in K-12 and higher education. She has counseled thousands of students and their parents through the high school-to-college process.

Tutoring for Struggling Readers. 330.620.6892. Tutoringstrugglingreaders.com. Reading, language arts, organizational skills for grades K-5. Elementary education teacher with 35 years experience.

Find more academic and tutoring resources in the CCPS Activities Guide.

This article originally ran in the November 2021 issue.

The post A Parent’s Guide to Tutoring Help for Struggling Students in Collier and Lee Counties appeared first on SWFL Family.

Subscribe to store email lists. Decide on which stores you want to shop at least a couple of weeks in advance. Then visit each store’s website, and subscribe to its email list. Early sign-up will ensure you receive all promotional emails for the season’s big Black Friday and Cyber Monday events as well as ongoing savings right on through Christmas Eve.

Buy discounted gift cards. Visit Raise.com and order discounted gift cards for the stores from which you know you’ll purchase. You can use these cards to buy sale and special-buy items for added savings. Make sure the gift cards are for stores you’ll definitely shop at so you don’t blow your savings. Discounted gift cards also make great gifts.

Begin collecting Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals that show up in your newspaper, mailbox, and email. Also, visit your favorite stores online a few days in advance to see what kind of deals they will offer. Print any coupons you find and store them together in a safe place.

Organize for the big day. Once you’ve collected all the deals, sort through and match them up to your holiday shopping list. Compare deals and determine when the sales or doorbusters begin, and if there will be limited quantities. If you can’t stand in line for hours for a limited quantity doorbuster, skip it and focus on other deals that are easier to fetch.

Prepare a ‘second best’ list. You can’t be everywhere at once, and you are sure to miss a deal or two. Prepare in advance for that possibility and know where to go and what to look for as an alternative.

Watch for early bird freebies. Many stores offer free gifts to the first 25 or 100 people in their store. It’s true – there are some pretty nice prizes to be had. But many will require you to arrive well before the crack of dawn and spend hours waiting in line. Before you succumb to these lures, consider whether it’s worth the risk of losing out on savings elsewhere.

Black Friday isn’t always the best day for hot bargains. Do your research. Stores tout their Black Friday deals to get consumers into a buying frenzy early in the season. Some even offer their super deals on Thanksgiving evening and start to reduce prices on Wednesday. Keep in mind, all those Black Friday deals also often can be found online on Cyber Monday. In fact, many hot deals – and some better deals – stretch well into December.

Shop late in the day. If you are like many, you wouldn’t even consider shopping on Black Friday simply because of the chaos. But on Black Friday the vast majority of shoppers start at the crack of dawn or earlier. By 5 p.m. early birds are beat, and malls and stores are dead quiet. So Black Friday evening is a great time to get in some peaceful, early shopping with plenty of great deals still going on.

Shop online. This is another option if you don’t want to participate in the madhouse. Many stores offer the same deals online as they do in their stores. In fact, many online stores don’t even have storefronts. Keep in mind supplies are often limited, even online. By the time you reach checkout, an item in your basket might be sold out. If you’re shopping for multiple items from a store, do multiple checkouts, so the items in your basket don’t disappear while you shop.

More holiday shopping tips

Arrange your finances in advance. If you intend to pay by credit card, plan well in advance, so the credit is available to you. Make your credit card payments at least two weeks in advance to allow time for processing. Use your credit cards that offer cash back or reward points to increase your savings. If paying with a debit card, check your balance before you head out to avoid an unwelcome surprise. Also, avoid carrying cash in chaotic crowds because of the increased risk of pickpockets and purse snatchers.

Leave the kids at home. The chaos of the holiday shopping season, especially Black Friday, poses risks to children. Although the chance is slim, there is a potential risk of trampling by crazed crowds on Black Friday. Your child also could get lost among the mob. Besides, shopping for long hours is stressful and exhausting for kids. Not to mention, it will increase your own stress level and deplete your energy.

Avoid carts. On Black Friday, carry shopping bags or totes instead unless you plan to buy heavy items. Carts will slow you down in crowds that are unwilling to budge for you.

Hold off on toy purchases. Black Friday doesn’t offer the best deals on toys. The first week of December usually provides more significant savings on these items.

Use social media for extra savings. Many retailers offer exclusive coupons and discounts to people who like them on Facebook or other social media. Check the social media accounts of the stores where you plan to shop.

Check return policies. Most, but not all, major retailers have liberal return policies. Do your homework before you make purchases. Also, ask for gift receipts to make exchanges and returns easy for your gift recipients.

Avoid impulse buying. Many shoppers’ savings go right down the drain because they grab unnecessary “great buys” in the spur of the moment. Prepare yourself mentally for the temptation before you head out.

Net extra savings with instant store credit. Most stores offer 10-25% savings by opening a store credit card at checkout. If you pay your charges off immediately and don’t use the card for unnecessary purchases, it is well worth the savings. Otherwise, the long-term cost of interest will exceed your savings.

Make sure a sale is really a sale. Some stores mark up merchandise before they reduce it to make it look like a great bargain. Furniture stores in particular are known for this tactic. But many other stores do it as well on select merchandise. Do your homework.

Don’t waste time trying to price match. On Black Friday and Cyber Monday, stores typically don’t honor price matching. The rest of the year, it is worth your time to do so.

Be prepared to wait. Before you head out, add your email account, music, audiobooks, or video games to your phone, so you have entertainment for the long wait in line. Better yet, spend your time in line visiting online stores and watch for rotating deals. Also, download a Black Friday deals app such as Dealnews, Slickdeals, Shopkick, Flipp, or The Coupons App.

Organize yourself for rebates. Print rebate forms in advance so you don’t lose track of them. Also, request duplicate receipts for rebate purchases, and store them in a safe place in your wallet or purse. If you shop online, download the Ebates app for automatic rebates when you buy on participating websites.

Forego extended warranties. With a few exceptions, extended warranties are a waste of money. Most electronics already come with a limited manufacturer’s warranty. Defects usually show up within the scope of the manufacturer’s warranty. Accidental damage that might be covered under a store’s extended warranty tends to occur rarely. Cell phones or small personal electronics people carry with them that are likely to get dropped, lost, or run through the washing machine are the exception.

Cyber Safety Shopping Tips from the Center for Cyber Safety and Education:

Here are a few simple safe shopping tips we recommend at the Center for Cyber Safety and Education:

1. Be wary of clicking on an advertisement for a product that you received in an email or see on social media. If in doubt, simply go to your browser, type in the store’s address and search for the special there.
2. Make sure you’re on the site you want to be on. If you search for a store or product online, use extreme caution when you see the results. Either type in the address as suggested above or double-check once you click on the link that you really went to the site where you planned to shop. 
3. Make sure you see “https” (not just http) in the URL. The “S” means the organization is leveraging encryption for its online transactions. Organizations not supporting https are opening their customers to having their online transactions intercepted.
4. Create strong, unique passwords on every site using at least 8 characters. The more the better! Use two-factor authentication when offered and do not reuse passwords.

Want more safe shopping tips? Head over to our Parents Tips page on Safe Shopping. It’s also worth mentioning to slow down and think before you click. Take your time when shopping online and going through sales emails. Don’t risk compromising your identity or safety on accident when in a hurry.

The post Black Friday, Cyber Monday, & Beyond: How to Cash in on Super Holiday Savings appeared first on SWFL Family.

ADD, also known as Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (AD/HD), affects between three and five percent of the population. However, adult ADD, especially as it appears in women, often goes unrecognized.

Characteristics of ADD in women

The symptoms of ADD are many. Some symptoms that are commonly seen in women are the opposite of the more recognized symptoms, making detection unlikely and diagnosis difficult. Each person’s experience with ADD is unique.

Women and ADD

While there are a multitude of characteristics, most women with the disorder don’t have every symptom. Instead, each woman has a mixture of symptoms severe enough to impair some areas of life.

Disorganization is common and often a serious problem for women struggling with ADD. They may be unable to organize their homes, offices, or lives. To outsiders, the disorganization isn’t always visible. That’s because women who lead professional lives may have assistants, secretaries, and cleaning services to assist them. Some ADD women have a partner who compensates for their organizational dysfunction as well.

Other women with ADD find clutter and disorganization an incredible distraction. These distractions, coupled with the responsibilities of everyday life, lead to mental disorganization. The dis- organized brain struggles to store, weed out, and organize in a logical fashion. For these women, being tidy and organized equals survival.

Women with ADD can be at either end of the spectrum, either hyperactive or hypoactive (underactive). Hyperactive women may go at full speed until they crash from the overload.

Family life can also suffer with a hyperactive mother. She may be unable to sit and play games or read to her children unless she finds the activities stimulating.

Many women with ADD are at the other extreme. They’re hypoactive, unable to muster the energy to do much of anything. These women are often unable to keep up with life’s many demands. Maintaining a home, participating in family activities, staying in touch with friends, and even holding down a job can be major challenges.

The problem is women with ADD struggle with the inability to regulate attention. So it doesn’t mean they can never maintain attention. Rather, the ability to focus for most with ADD is based on interest and whether the activity is stimulating. Many women daydreamed through school when they were younger. Yet the subjects or activities they found fun, interesting, or exciting didn’t pose such a problem. Adult life for these women is often the same.

Hyperfocusing also poses problems and can coexist with symptoms of inattention. A woman may over-focus on that which interests her and be unable to shift her attention.

Women with ADD may be impatient. Standing in lines, sitting in waiting rooms, and being placed on hold for lengthy waits drives some women to the brink.

Also, for some, having ADD is like being on an emotional roller coaster. A woman can become overly excited by anything positive then swing to the opposite extreme over slight problems, disappointments, or perceived criticism or rejection.

Misdiagnosis

Studies show the incidence of ADD in men and women is nearly identical, says Kathleen Nadeau, Ph.D., co-author of Understanding Women with AD/HD. There are several common reasons women with ADD often don’t receive the diagnosis.

Doctors often diagnose the depression that accompanies ADD, but miss the ADD itself. Women, more often than men, have coexisting anxiety and depression which must be treated as well.

Also, women who are more hyperactive, hyper-talkative, and impulsive are sometimes misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder.

Many doctors still look for signs of ADD more typical of boys, and also fail to understand that ADD symptoms in females often don’t appear until puberty or later because of hormonal fluctuations. When girls enter puberty, during PMS, and as estrogen levels drop in perimenopause and menopause, the symptoms of ADD often worsen.

In addition, girls tend to try harder in school, so their ADD patterns are often masked or overlooked by teachers.

Treatment options

Several treatments are available for ADD. The most effective is prescription medication. There’s a multitude of stimulant and non-stimulant medications available for treatment.

Behavioral therapy is also beneficial both for coming to terms with the lifelong disorder and to relieve negative coping behaviors. Coaching is also used for learning new skills and strategies for structuring life. Because ADD is neurobiological, therapy and coaching work best in conjunction with medication.

Several ineffective treatments are being marketed as well. Treatments that are suspect, according to Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD), include dietary plans such as the Feingold diet, vitamin and mineral supplements, anti-motion sickness medication, Candida yeast, EEG biofeedback, applied kinesiology also known as Neural Organization Technique, and optometric vision training, to name a few. Often, excessive claims are made about these treatments, citing a few favorable responses or studies that don’t hold up to scrutiny.

Where to go for help

An accurate diagnosis and appropriate treatment is essential. Finding a qualified provider isn’t always easy because adult ADD, especially as it affects women, isn’t always recognized. Before seeking a diagnosis, read books about ADD in adults for a better understanding of the disorder and the diagnosis and treatment process. Also, compile a list of questions to ask your provider to ensure he has a clear understanding of the disorder and appropriate treatments. If you don’t feel comfortable with a physician’s responses, seek help elsewhere.

Symptoms of ADD – Some of the symptoms commonly seen in women, partially taken from Attention Deficit Disorder in Adults by Dr. Lynn Weiss, are as follows:

• Difficulty completing tasks or following through on plans
• Difficulty shifting attention
• Excessively shifting from one activity to another
• Difficulty concentrating on reading
• Impatience
• Frequent preoccupation in thoughts and not hearing when spoken to
• Difficulty sitting still or excessive fidgeting
• Sudden and unexpected mood swings
• Interrupting in conversations, speaking without considering consequences
• Hot tempered
• Need for high stimulus
• Forgetfulness
• Low tolerance for frustration
• Tendency toward substance abuse

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