Eat this, not that

“Thanksgiving is absolutely one of our favorite holidays, especially in terms of food,” says Caroline King, a mom of six children, ranging in age from four to 16. But, no one in the family really likes turkey all that much. “We spent years mak-ing the traditional feast, but always had a second or third ‘main side’ for the kids and that was just silly,” she says. King says her husband Rich does most of the cooking and decided one year to punt the turkey and try a roast pork tenderoin with chipotle wine sauce instead. “Everyone loved it – the adults and the kids. Now, it’s our go-to for Thanksgiving,” she says.

 Choose your own adventure

Jocelyn Chilvers says she and her hus-band Jim enjoy being spontaneous and cre-ative with the holiday. “It also helps that we like all kinds of food and find no appeal in eating the same dishes year after year,” Chilvers says. With families more far-flung than ever, not everyone is able to get together with extended family for the holiday. That’s one reason the Chilvers’ family chooses to surround themselves with good friends instead.For over 10 years, they’ve invited friends and neighbors over for a “Turkey Fry Open House” in their backyard from 9:30 a.m. to 3 p.m. on Thanksgiving day.

“We set up a turkey fryer on our lawn or driveway, away from any structures, and use a piece of drywall – pro tip! – as a base to catch any spills,” Chilvers says. The couple sends out invitations about two to three weeks in advance and friends can select a time when they’d like to fry their turkey or, in some cases, their chicken, game hen, or duck. Many guests show up just to socialize and enjoy beverages and light appetizers, often bringing their own foods to share. “This varies from cinnamon rolls and fresh fruit in the morning to stuffed jalape-ños and bruschetta in the afternoon,” Chilvers says. “It’s a very fluid event with folks coming and going throughout the day.”

No bluffing, baby

Some friendly competition in the form of board games and card games can bring generations of family members together. Anita Smith, a mom of two, says that she and her family like to play Texas Hold ‘Em each year after the big meal.Among the roughly 30 guests who attend the family’s annual Thanksgiving, about 10 like to circle around the card table to play a few hours of low stakes poker. “The big pot might be $3, but we act like it’s $500,” laughs Smith.The conversation and camaraderie make the game extra special. “It’s fun because it crosses all genera-tions,” she says. “We have the 80-year-olds, those of us in our 40s, and the kids playing.” Smith’s sons, Evan (15) and Collin (12), are the youngest players at the table.

She says that the game offers a natural segue into conversations between the older family members and her children. “My kids get to know them, their personalities, and stories from way back when.”

Fire up holiday spirit

Stacey Moorehead, a mom of six girls, says she and a group of families started the tradition of “Friendsgiving” five years ago on the day before Thanksgiving. The event is a fun way for the families to kick off the entire holiday season. The group gathers together with fall soups and foods, and the kids take part in a candy cane hunt. “Our many, many children all have a great time playing and running in our friends’ large backyard until the real show begins,” Moorehead says.The much anticipated “real show” is a fireworks event at a local lake. “We all load up, bundle up, pack hot chocolate and candy canes, and spend the evening watching fireworks,” Moorehead says. After that, the caravan drives through a Christmas in the Park holiday lights dis-play set to festive music at a nearby camp-ground. “What better way to start the holiday than with friends who truly are family,” she says.

You rebel, you

Families change and grow. Often what once worked well no longer makes sense for any number of reasons. Maybe you’re sick of making candied yams every year that no one eats. Or you daydream of skipping the cooking and cleaning for a relaxing family vacation on the beach instead.“It seems that a lot of people live under unrealistic expectations, especially when it comes to holidays,” King says. “The focus needs to be on family celebrating what they are thankful for, not to be stressed out that the green beans aren’t up to snuff. Make food that makes you happy, make your own traditions. At the end of the day, you will remember the laughs and time spent together.” 

So go ahead and resist! Rather than running yourself into the ground chasing society’s prescribed picture-perfect holiday, create a meaningful Thanksgiving tailored just for your special crowd. You will be grateful you did.

 CHRISTA MELNYK HINES loves spending Thanksgiving at home with her family. One year, she tried quitting the cranberry sauce that slides out looking like the can, but her husband rebelled. Holiday rogues must choose their battles wisely. 

The post Go a Little Rogue for a More Gratifying Thanksgiving appeared first on SWFL Family.

2. Write a letter. Remind veterans and their families that you’re thinking about them and appreciate their commitment to our nation. Write a letter to a deployed soldier, a wounded warrior, or a veteran through OperationGratitude.com or a military family through Operation Appreciation sponsored by Blue Star Families at www.bluestarfam.org.

3. Support their furry friends. Raise money to go toward fostering pets of active duty service members, wounded warriors and homeless veterans. Guardian Angels for Soldier’s Pet is a non-profit organization that finds qualified foster families to care for pets while soldiers are deployed or when military families transfer overseas. The foster families also care for pets whose warriors have died.

4. Contribute to Paralyzed Veterans of America. This organization supports veterans who suffer from a spinal cord injury. Participate in one of the organization’s sporting events or fundraisers, make a monetary donation, or collect and donate needed items. For more information, visit www.pva.org.

5. Assist disabled and wounded veterans. Volunteer at your local Veterans Affairs hospital or help disabled veterans whether running errands, doing yard work, or providing transportation. Contact www.dav.org for more information. Also, check out the Wounded Warrior Project for other ways to help.

6. Help them call home. Veterans of Foreign Wars supports and assists military veterans and their families through a variety of programs, including Operation Uplink. The program enables service members and hospitalized veterans to make free calls back home to loved ones for three days each month. Go to www.VFW. com to find out how you can make a donation.

7. Aid service dogs. PAWS Assistance Dogs Naples trains dogs to serve disabled veterans. You can volunteer to help the organization by running a fundraiser; assisting with puppy training; fostering a puppy cadet; assisting with administrative tasks, or helping to spread the word about PAWS. Monetary donations are also always needed. For more information visit www.pawsassistancedogs.org.

8. Clip coupons. Don’t toss your expired coupons! Military families stationed overseas can use coupons for up to six months past the expiration dates. Visit www.coupsfortroops.com for drop-off sites or to find out where to mail your coupons.

9. Donate DVDs. DVDS4Vets is a non-profit organization started by Dr. Richard Landis, an orthopedic surgeon who helped build clinics in Afghanistan, and James F. Nicholson, who served as an Air Force pilot in Korea between 1950 and 1953. Landis and Nicholson saw a need to provide basic entertainment for veterans who returned home with traumatic brain injuries and other serious wounds and were undergoing long-term rehabilitation. To donate used or new DVDs to veterans, visit www.dvds4vets.org.

10. Send a care package. Soldiers who are serving far from home look forward to receiving mail. Visit Anysoldier.com to learn how to send a letter and what is appropriate for care packages. To help support a veteran who does not have family to assist in the transition to home and civilian life, check out the Adopt a Veteran program through SoldiersAngels.org. Adopting Angel volunteers make a 12-month commitment to send a letter each week and a small gift once a month, tailored to the veteran’s specific needs.

11. Support Honor Flights. Collier County Honor Flight transports local veterans to Washington, D.C., to visit the memorials dedicated to honor their service. Volunteer to act as a guardian for a veteran during the trip to Washington or simply show up to the airport when the plane lands to welcome them home. For more information, visit www.collierhonorflight.org.

For more ways to thank a vet, visit www.kidsthankavet.com.

To learn more about PTSD click here.

Great Resources for Military Families:

https://themilitarywallet.com/memorial-day/  Discounts offered all year long and some for Memorial Day.

211.org for Veterans

http://www.211.org/services/veterans

Career Network Resources for our Veterans

https://www.veteransadvantage.com/benefits/jobs-and-career-network

The HUD-Veterans Affairs Supportive Housing

https://www.va.gov/homeless/hud-vash.asp

Using a Relocation Calculator (A How-To Guide)

https://www.angieslist.com/articles/how-use-relocation-calculator.htm

Checklist: VA Mortgage Loan Document

https://www.militaryvaloan.com/checklist.htm

VA Home Loan Calculator

https://www.mortgagecalculator.org/calcs/va-loans.php

Moving Companies Offering Military Discounts

https://www.move.org/military-discount-moving-companies/

Documents Needed to Sell Your House

https://www.redfin.com/resources/documents-to-sell-a-house

Family Services and Resources Near You

https://feedourvets.org/family-services-resources-near-you

Military Buddy Finder from VetFriends.com

https://www.vetfriends.com/

Veteran Healthcare Resources

http://veteranscominghome.org/health-resources/

7 Important Medicare Facts That Every Veteran Should Know

https://www.medicareadvantage.com/resources/medicare-for-veterans

Mental Health Resources for our Veterans Families

https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/veterans-military/

Veterans’ Mental Health & Well-Being

https://www.bms.com/about-us/responsibility/bristol-myers-squibb-foundation/our-focus-areas/veterans-mental-health-and-well-being.html

10 Tips for Keeping a Relationship Strong During Deployment and Separation

https://www.militaryonesource.mil/family-relationships/relationships/managing-deployments-and-separations/10-tips-for-keeping-a-relationship-strong-during-deployment-and-separation

3 Communication Tips for Deployments

https://militaryshoppers.com/3-communication-tips-for-deployments/

International Phone Plan Options During Overseas Deployment

https://www.verizonwireless.com/solutions-and-services/international/

Military Care Package Ideas: What To Put In A Care Package

https://www.herocarepackages.com/homefront/military-care-package-ideas-and-what-to-put-in-a-care-package-in-2019/

Post-Deployment Adjustments Military Couples Face

https://www.liveabout.com/post-deployment-marriage-challenges-2357141

A Guide for Veterans on Creating a Peaceful At-Home Atmosphere After Returning Home

https://www.homeadvisor.com/r/veterans-guide-to-creating-a-peaceful-home/

Freelance journalist CHRISTA MELNYK HINES, daughter of retired USAF SMSgt. Walter Melnyk, is thankful for all of our veterans and their families for their sacrifices and service.

Photography by Deanna Sakal.

The post 11 Ways Families Can Salute a Veteran appeared first on SWFL Family.

lengthy, embattled evenings fraught with angry tears as frustrated daughter and frazzled mom squared off.

“My daughter began showing signs of difficulty in focus on homework in kindergarten. By second grade we were drowning,” Mednick says.

Mednick tried tactics like feeding her first grader an early dinner as soon as she got home from school and giving her time to relax before starting homework. Instead, “We ended up spending the next two years in a tug of war of time, and many tears were shed,” she says.

Many parents can relate and dread the contentious homework hour, which can plunder an otherwise peaceful evening. For kiddos, who struggle to tune out distractions and concentrate on the task at hand, sitting down to do homework doesn’t rank high on their list of priorities.

Thanks to the distractions of technology, the inability to focus is a growing problem in our culture. The number of children who are diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) also continues to rise. The Centers for Disease Control reports that ADHD is “one of the most common chronic conditions of childhood.”

Experts agree: the ability to focus is crucial to achieving goals.

How can we create a more calming homework atmosphere that will enhance our child’s ability to concentrate and get the job done quickly – without the draining drama?

Work in short bursts

Kids get overwhelmed with long worksheets and multiple assignments. Break homework into timed chunks. After a busy day at school, parents can typically expect their youngsters to focus on a task for one minute for each year of their age. That means a six-year-old should be given a two- or three-minute break every six minutes.

“Expecting 30 minutes of homework out of a first grader isn’t realistic without breaks,” says Rachel Rudman, a pediatric occupational therapist.

The timed approach made a big difference for Mednick’s daughter.

“Previously she would be discouraged even before picking up a pencil. By having a timed environment, she knew that she could tackle one interval at a time,” says Mednick, whose daughter is now an 8th-grade honors student.

Create smart brain breaks

During the timed breaks engage your child in short activities that help reorganize and refocus the brain, like jumping jacks, playing with Legos or Play-Doh, or snacking on crunchy carrots, pretzel rods, or something chewy such as fruit leather.

Blowing up a balloon can also help ease frustrations. “Blowing forces the child to take deep breaths which increases relaxation and focus,” Rudman says.

Avoid electronics, which can be harder to pull a child away from.

Strike a pose

Yoga stretches and breathing exercises can calm and re-energize a tired body. Balancing poses like bird or airplane, and a full body twist combines breathing and concentrated stretching movements.

“Balancing poses require a level of concentration that are a great way to strengthen those ‘focus muscles’ and create a body and mind that is strong and relaxed,” says Mariam Gates, the author of the new children’s book Good Night Yoga: A Pose-by- Pose Bedtime Story.

Integrate natural elements

Researchers at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign have found that including ornamental plants in a learning area can further enhance a child’s ability to concentrate and learn.

“And weirdly, the more involved the child is in the plant’s life or maintenance, the more learning goes on,” says Magalie Rene, a classroom design consultant, who works with parents and schools to create study spaces that foster learning.

Place a plant in your home’s study area and have your child water it as a transitionary cue before beginning homework, Rene suggests.

Chew gum

Although the “no gum allowed” rule was grilled into our psyches when we were students, more schools now allow kids to chew gum during state assessments. The chewing movement has an organizing effect on the brain and can help kids focus.

Energize with aromatherapy

Scent can have a powerful effect on our emotional well-being. Fill a spray bottle with water and two or three drops of peppermint, rosemary or citrus essential oil. Spray the scent around the study area to enhance concentration, focus and creativity.

Get organized

Make a homework box either out of a large shoe box or plastic container. Have your child decorate it and store homework supplies, like pens, pencils, crayons, markers, scissors, paper, a glue stick, and anything else your student might need. “Having everything together creates an atmosphere of organization and success,” Rudman says.

If your youngster continues to struggle with focus and concentration, consult with your family’s pediatrician or a child psychologist.

As the mom of two energetic school-age boys, freelance journalist CHRISTA MELNYK HINES knows all too well the stress homework time can create in a family. Christa’s latest book is Happy, Healthy & Hyperconnected: Raise a Thoughtful Communicator in a Digital World.

The post Homework Help: Tips to Ease Frustration and Boost Focus appeared first on SWFL Family.

“Life is a progression and that’s how we should raise our teens as well. Make sure you start where you can build up. If you are allowing a curfew of midnight at 15, what are you allowing at the age of 17? Each kid masters skills differently,” says Jennifer Jackson-Rice, LSCSW, a child and adolescent therapist.

During the teen years, it’s developmentally appropriate for kids to strive for more independence. Parents help foster responsibility by slowly giving more freedom over time as trust is built and skills are learned.

Curbing distracted driving

Many parents use tracking apps to help reinforce important safety practices when they aren’t there.

Jackson-Rice says she and her husband opted for the Cell Control app when their son got his driver’s license.

“We wanted him to develop a very healthy habit of not be- ing on his phone while in his car from the beginning,” she says. With any skill that you are nurturing, it’s important to clarify and implement consequences if rules are broken. For some families, that might mean pulling back on their teen’s curfew or restricting driving privileges.“Once that skill has been mastered, then move away from the app,” Jackson-Rice advises. “Teenagers are supposed to explore. They’re supposed to gain some independence and we’re supposed to be able to trust. When we need to put a consequence in, we put a consequence in, and we start over again.”

Supporting new drivers

Kelly Wornall opted for Life 360, when her 16-year-old son started driving, also to reinforce safe driving.

“We use the app more for peace of mind when he’s out driving,” Wornall says. “A huge benefit of the app is the feature where I can click ‘get directions to my child.’ He is horrible with directions, and we’ve had several instances where I’ve needed to meet up with him. I would have had issues finding him without the app.”

The app offers crash detection and emergency response, a map pinpointing your loved one’s location, and weekly driver reports, highlighting phone usage, acceleration, braking, and top speeds.

“The app is a little security blanket for us. We have a strong relationship with our kids, and we trust them. The kids know Life 360 is on their phones. It’s a decision we agreed on as a family,” Wornall says. “The boys track us too, so sometimes I feel like the tables are turned!”

Tracking for control

Although she can see the wisdom of apps for vehicular safety, mom of five Cheryl McGaugh has chosen not to use apps as a way to keep tabs on her kids.

“I feel that if I lead and guide with mutual love and respect, I have no need or reason to track them,” McGaugh says, whose kids are 22, 16, 14, 11, and 9.

Apps like mSpy and SpyBubble can be used anonymously to monitor your teen’s texts, calls, and social media accounts. Some experts believe monitoring apps can cross a line if your teen has never give you a reason not to trust them.

“If you have a difficult kiddo that has some boundary issues and following rules issues, then I see how apps could benefit when safety is a concern,” Jackson-Rice says. “Where we run into trouble is when there wasn’t a reason for us to become so hyper-involved with our teens.”

Without opportunities to practice independence and self-reliance, teens may struggle with dependency issues or poor decision- making when they eventually experience full-blown freedom after leaving home for college, trade school, or a job.

“They begin to learn independence when we’re not there as parents to monitor, protect, guide and give natural consequences,” Jackson-Rice says.

How much do you want to know?

The problem Jackson-Rice ran into with Cell Control was she got more information than she wanted, like her son’s acceleration since the app also tracked his driving speed.

“What we learned is that it created a lot of anxiety in parenting, which I’ve heard from many parents. They’re constantly aware of what their teenager is doing,” Jackson-Rice says.

Of course, once you have that information, you have to decide what you’re going to do with it.

Jackson-Rice says she chose to ignore the extra information, instead zeroing in on her goal of teaching her son not to use his phone while driving. If he gets pulled over by the police for speeding, he’ll have to face the natural consequences of receiving a speeding ticket.

As for Wornall, Life 360 has been a good fit for her family’s current needs.

“In using a tracking app, you as a parent are skating on a fine line between making sure your kid is safe and stalking them,” Wornall says. “We don’t want to be helicopter parents, but at the same time, we want to know he arrived safely at his destinations.”

Common Tracking & Safety Apps

• Life 360

• Our Pact

• Circle

• Bark

• Covenant Eyes

• Cell Control

• iPhone’s “find my phone” feature

• Blue tooth options that shut down texting and driving

Freelance journalist CHRISTA MELNYK HINES resides with her husband and their two middle school sons. She is the author of Happy, Healthy & Hyperconnected: Raise a Thoughtful Communicator in a Digital World.

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