Great-grandmother with Grandchildren
Bringing kids to visit a grandparent or great grandparent in a nursing home is an extra special time, but can also be extra tricky. You want to spend some quality time together, but you’re also on the spot, parenting unpredictable small children. If you prepare your children for what to expect, bring the right supplies, and stay flexible, you’ll be able to create treasured times for everyone to remember.
Packing the Right Supplies
Make sure you bring snacks, photos, and keep your camera ready to take pictures. Bring a special snack that your kids only get to have when they are visiting. Your child will look forward to the special treat and you won’t have to leave the room to search for a vending machine. You can also bring old pictures of Grandma and ask questions or record her telling stories from her past. If she isn’t able to move or speak very well, you can get a close-up picture of your child’s hand clasped in hers. Capture the spontaneous moments when your children try to help Grandma and pictures of hugs and kisses. When you camera is already in your hand ready to go, it’s easy to capture these tender moments.
Making Gifts, Keeping Busy
Give your children something fun to do that they can give to Grandpa. While they are busy working, you have time to chat and catch up. Put a special craft kit or coloring book and crayons in a bag used just for these visits. Younger children may want to bring action figures or dolls to play with underneath Grandpa’s walker. Your children can answer questions about school and how much they’ve grown while they work on their projects. They can also make pictures for other residents in the nursing home.
Finding Fido
Some nursing homes have pets to comfort residents and provide a home-like atmosphere. If your children get antsy during the visit, they can go on a hunt around the home for the resident cat or dog. You can schedule your visit when a therapy dog is making its rounds to the residents.
Be Prepared for Anything
Sometimes a visit can be tense. Grandpa may look or sound different, or even scary. Other sights or noises in the home may seem unfamiliar. Your children may seem extra fussy or unmanageable toward the end of your visit because they’re worried about Grandpa, and may be tired of being on their best behavior. Be patient and take time to talk with your child about their experiences with simple, positive language.
Celebrate Your Visit and Be Open to Difficult Questions
After your visit, it’s a good idea to have a simple and fun family tradition. You can go out for a hot chocolate, ice cream, or make a special treat at home. It ends the visit on a happy note and the kids will look forward to the special treat. Listen to your child’s questions about the visit and be patient with yourself when trying to answer difficult questions about life, death, and aging. You aren’t expected to have all the answers to these questions and when you are at a loss for words, you can wonder together.
Let your children know that you love them and that visiting their grandparent is a special way to show you care. Ali Van Camp, a mom of three, visited her grandmother in a nursing home with her kids over many years. She reflects, “My kids knew what to expect - that Yia Yia couldn’t talk or walk and might not even look at us, but we could still talk to her and touch, hug, or kiss her if we wanted. They also knew that the other residents were happy to see them and it was OK to say hello and answer questions like their name and age.” Your children are comforting others with their little voices, laugh, and play and are an important part of caring for a community.
Ruth Hanley is a mom to two girls, who were strength and a delight to their grandfather, a resident in a nursing home for two years. Ruth is thankful to have pictures to remember and share the special moments from that sensitive time.