When Your College Kids are Home for the Holidays

It's the time of year every new empty-nester looks forward to- winter break. Your new adults are coming home for the holidays after their first experience with fending for themselves (or, as some of them might call it, “freedom”). While this is an exciting time of year for parents and college students alike, there are some pitfalls that many parents find themselves trying to avoid.

But where do I sleep?

If you’re like my parents who downsized their house and lost a room or if you transformed your sweet potato’s room into a state-of-the-art workout space, there can be some tension if your child comes home and finds her old room different than she left it. It can be a rough start to the long break if you wind up like my roommate, who found her room was turned into a “storage space” (aka, where all the things without a home found a home), and subsequently lost her cool. It is important to remember that even if your child is one who flourished with his new found freedom, nothing can compare to coming home to his long sought-after bed.

You want me home ... when?

You may have had a strict curfew for your child while she was in high school, but it is safe to say that went out the window the moment you dropped your baby off at her freshman dorm. While I would be home by sunset on weeknights before I went away to college, at school I would often find myself pulling all-nighters and living off of coffee ... sometimes not seeing my bed for 24 to 48 hours (one word: midterms). After the first finals week of college, it is safe to say that a sleep schedule is nonexistent. In fact, time has probably become fluid rather than linear, and more often than not your child may have no concept of “normalcy” when it comes to his once-established time constraints – like a curfew before midnight.

When am I supposed to see my friends again?

While it may be tempting to fill your kids’ entire winter break with quality time as a family, it is important to keep in mind that you are not the only people that your dear daughter and son have missed while away. Although they probably saw some of their high school friends while at college, there will be plenty of others that they haven’t seen. Even though family time is inevitable with the holidays, it is important to remember that your child will not spend every moment of break with you. Give him space so he can make time for the other significant relationships in his life. He might even want to take the time just to drive around town. Remember, we live in a very special place, and it often takes going off to college for kids to realize just how much Naples has to offer.

Some things never change

While winter break can seem like a daunting time for both you and your young adult, you have to keep in mind that you are dealing with someone who has had limited rules for the past few months. For her part, your child needs remember that she is at home and not at college, while you as a parent also need to remember what it was like when you came back to the nest for the first time after being free. This is an adjustment, but do not fret: the one thing that remains pretty constant is “Mom, can you please do my laundry?”